Years wasted
on trivial pursuits
of one last victory
countless hours spent
over-analyzing sorrow
searching for that elusive
one last cigarette
Broken home
for the shattered dreams
that once shone brightly
like that silver dollar Nana gave me
when I turned thirteen
Salinity of tears
mixing with the remains
of the last drop of bitter resolve
that came from the vodka bottle
Empty caverns in my mind
filled with tear-stained echoes
of children laughing and nightmares screaming
until at last, I fall...
asleep
Author notes
This came from doing as my friend BrokenGemini suggested and closing my eyes, and writing what came to me. It doesn't really make sense, and I guess it isn't supposed to, but yeah.
Written June 14th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Damn Good!!!!!
Very Nice Work!! I rather enjoyed this poem.
Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work!
Raped of Faith
Christopher Lee Kline -
This probably makes more sense to an outsider than it does to yourself at the present time. Yes it is a ramble , but if you sit back down with it when all is calm , and you read it over ...line by line to yourself, it will reveal exactly that this ramble is bits and pieces of you,your childhood memories , things that formed and shaped you and more than likely one very important person in your life (Nana)who gave that silver dollar to a young boy of thirteen.That young boy then grew up and tasted abit more of life's bitterness maybe et, etc. One of the hardest things to do in our lives is to own up that we are broken in many places, some of the places maybe by our own doing , but also done to us by those whom we thought would be ou tower of strength. This is absolutely wonderfully written down , word by word....the only thing that disturbs me just a little is , that nowhere do I see a glimmer of hope , and I went looking twice for it. I hope that was just an accidental omission and wish you all the best and alot of strength to go through this process of selfexamination,
Reenie
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Empty caverns in my mind
filled with tear-stained echoes
of children laughing and nightmares screaming
until at last, I fall...
asleep ~ These are my favorite lines
I like how you just let go. It is important when fine tuning your style to just let go even if you think your writing doesnt msee as perfect. The reason being that it is important to take chances. Some of them fail but also, some of them succeed. Youa re suhc a great talent. You are strong enough to make it through and remember baby, the past is the past. Learn from the past, live in the present, prepare for the future.~Daina
kisses
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What realizations.... Truelly vivid werds.... I like how there is a multiple angle of ideas.... I enjoy these kind of writes.... So much to feel.... This most definately intransis the reader...
-Wolf Wisper -
I think this makes more sense than you realize. Perhaps it's all in how you read it. There's so much within this piece that many people can and will relate to. Not everything has to mesh perfectly when you are writing from the heart. Thank you for sharing the inner you.
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this makes a lot of sense to me.
Empty caverns in my mind
filled with tear-stained echoes
of children laughing and nightmares screaming
until at last, I fall...
asleep
very vividly described and I can well identify with this part at least -
Awesome
wow this was breath taking. i can totally relate to this poem.very vivid and alot of imagery.brought back memories.keep this up .great write.hope to hear more from you soon.
-AliceNwondrland
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It is nice. I like it very much so. It sad, but how you express your self though the words it seems so pretty and nice, but it is very sad.
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Well, now I see why you decided to call it 'random nothingness', lol... Not everything makes sense when you first write it down, and it doesn't always have to. This poem fascinates me because it seems like a personification of "Demons Surround Me". I love the visuals; everything seems like a dream, floating by. This actually reveals many of the ulterior emotions of the average (completely broken) human spirit. I parallel many of these emotions as well. This is an intense write, and not everyone can handle it. Wonderful work, hermano!
~many blessings from your little sister~
Raven Aurora (Tiger Lily)
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i really like that one. although a little self-pitying, it's still makes for a good read. especially the first two groups.
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Very good
From broken home to at last i fall asleep. Love it. It is so sad, it hurts. Keep making us feel. Good poem, hon! -
This poem makes more sense than you realize. If I only read each line separately maybe it wouldn't make sense, but I read it all as one, and it speaks volumes about human emotions. There are hidden messages in these words you have chosen. It did make me think about it. This was a beautifully written piece. I enjoyed reading this one. Thanks to BrokenGemini for giving you the tip to write something like this. And thank you for sharing your talent.
becca
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I agree this sounds more like you opening up then you seem to realize. ou probably feel that way about it not making sense cuz this is a side of you that your conscience is only just recognizing. You have lived a lot of years (what 10??) in a haze, in a fog of "being" and you have come to realize the pointlessness of it all... That would give rise to all kinds of uncertainty and yeah nightmares... even in the strongest of individuals, who had made all the oves you have made in the last 3 (yes count them 3) months.
Bravo...
Susan -
brilliant write and it does make sense because it reflects how you were feeling at the time
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i wouldnt say that it doesnt make sense........i think it was great.......not the feeling behind it being great, but you catch my drift.........that being said, nicely done.
-laura -
i like this.
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How can I critique how someone feels? I can't, so I won't. It's not for me to tell someone else what or how they feel is right or wrong so I won't comment on the subject matter. I'll just say that it flows well and has its own rhythm, which is slow and thoughful.
Kat xxxx -
hold so much emotion and simple wants
i love this...its really wonderful...filled with alot of emotion
...and the wording is wonderful..
Salinity of tears
mixing with the remains
of the last drop of bitter resolve
that came from the vodka bottle
those lines i love the most...the tears in the vodka bottle..wow its just really good...
keep it up..
again great write..
heather
the bleeing rose
@-}--
'
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That is a great poem ...It is so greatly descriptive and just flat out wonderful!-Lily
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It makes perfect sense. . . re-read the poem. . . and think about it, in lines of your emotions -- it's when we don't think we're saying much. . . that we say the most about ourselves. When we don't have the mind to adulter our emotions, they are real. . . raw.
This poem. . . this ONE poem tells me more about your personality than you alone would have ever been able to tell me. It's amazing what insight we obtain, when we don't seek it.
Well done yoshi. . . I think this concept works well for you.
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