Scene:
A classroom on a faraway planet almost exactly like earth.
Teacher:
Good morning, class. Today, we are going to talk about the beings who inhabit the planet called Earth, which we have been observing for some time now. The question we will seek to answer today is, have they evolved spiritually over the past several hundred thousand years when they were mysteriously given the ability to think, or are they still primitive, territorial savages?
Let's see, shall we?
(Teacher walks to chalkboard, picks up chalk, and begins to draw.)
Let's say they have a piece of land, which they would refer to as a "continent". It is very large and contains everything necessary to sustain life. What do you think they do with it? Do they all join hands, sing it's praises and happily share it, as we do?
Anyone? Anyone?
No, for some reason, they break it up into territories they call "countries". Countries, it seems, come in all shapes and sizes, depending largely on who has conquered whom. That is, who has taken by force most of the land from the others. It has been demonstrated over the centuries that land is a very difficult thing for the leaders of these countries to have enough of. Although they have everything they could possibly desire and there is plenty of room for their people on the land they already have, they seem unable to resist the urge of going out and taking some more land. Of course, this requires killing everyone already living there.
Okay, so they are all split up into countries. Do you think they stop there?
Anyone? Anyone?
(Child raises hand.)
Yes, Schnork?
Schnork:
Uh, no?
Teacher:
That's right. They then continue to divide up the countries into smaller territories called "states", then the states into "counties" and the counties into, let me see, oh yes, "cities". Within these cities, there are many smaller areas called neighborhoods in which the various kinds of human beings, or "races" as they put it, congregate, hoping to isolate themselves from the other kinds of people. These neighborhoods are comprised of rows called "blocks".
I'm sorry. I know this is getting confusing.
The main criteria they use in determining who is their "kind" is skin color. This attitude is so pervasive that there are actually organizations known as "hate groups" dedicated to hating other groups.
(Several gasps are heard around the room.)
I know, I know, it sounds unbelievable but research has shown that they seem to feel much happier when they are around people who look and act like themselves. Sometimes, they even violently attack others who don't look like them. Also, when people of a different color come into their neighborhoods for some reason, they are often viewed suspiciously by the residents of that neighborhood. Frequently, the local residents even hit the visitor on the head or kill them with little projectiles called "bullets". They then usually take all of this person's property and leave them in the street to die. It is most disturbing to observe.
It has been theorized that the robbing and killing occurs because the robber does not want to work. After all, what other reason could there be? Except total lack of morality, of course.
The main reason, however, is that human beings just have not learned the true meaning of the word "sharing" yet. They have made a few noble efforts to impose sharing on people through various political systems but, unfortunately, they used violence to enforce the sharing.
We are still not sure what the beings who attack beings unlike themselves are trying to accomplish. One possibility is that they attack each other because they can't or won't change and become like one another.
Something we find particularly ironic is human beings' tendency to refer to themselves collectively as "humanity". Obviously, their actions toward each other often don't do justice to the word.
But I digress. Where was I? Oh, yes - once they have chosen their neighborhoods, they buy a box called a "house" to live in. They also buy a portable box called a "car" which has wheels on it in case they have to venture out into the world of strangers. These cars emit very unpleasant fumes which make the air heavy and hard to breathe yet, for some reason, they continue to use them. Our top scientists are still trying to figure out that one.
By the way, all of these smaller, personal boxes are covered with locks so that they feel protected from one another.
The thing human beings like to do most is engage in sexual intercourse. The reason for this, we assume, is that the accumulated pressure of living within the confines of so many self-imposed boundaries creates an overwhelming urge to strip all of them away - yes, clothing is another one - and enjoy being what I'm afraid they truly are - naked, primitive beasts driven by the most basic of impulses.
The final boundary or box that these creatures hide in is a very elusive thing they call an "image" which, curiously, is almost always contrary to the way in which their fellow beings actually perceive them.
These findings have been obtained during our visits to the earth over the centuries. Sadly, despite their technological advances, their spiritual and social development is still in a deplorable state. We have attempted to interact with the earthlings on several occasions, such as when we helped the Egyptians with their pyramids, gave Mr. Einstein a personal tour of our planet, and met with that nice Mr. Spielberg.
We have also worked closely with government officials about a program to begin desensitizing the human race to the possibility of our eventual appearance. Many of these officials fear that if the human race learns of our existence, their egocentric, archaic religious notion that they are the only intelligent life form in the universe would be destroyed. The overturning of this delusion, they fear, would lead to anarchy in the streets and the total collapse of their societies. So the leaders who are aware of our presence go to great lengths to keep our existence a secret for the sake of perpetuating the status quo on their planet. This makes little sense to us considering how desperate the need is for a change of the current status quo on earth. Oh, well.
In the years before we made contact with the humans, a few of our fellow beings crashed in a place the earthlings call "Roswell". We never heard from them again but can only imagine the terrible fate they must have met. Judging by how they treat the creatures who share the planet with them, creatures they refer to as "lower animals", it is too horrible to imagine. Rather than respecting and celebrating the diversity of life on earth, they eat these other animals and wear them for clothing. Sometimes, they even kill them just for fun, or what they refer to as "sport". Some kinds of animals are spared this fate. Unfortunately, this is limited to animals they consider to be cute and can be trained not to leave droppings on their carpets.
It is also peculiar to us that they use the term "lower animal" when referring to non-human creatures since, in all of our studies, we have only seen these lower animals kill each other for survival, never for fun or profit, as human beings routinely do. So many mysteries . . .
One of the most common questions we have heard the earthlings ask is why we always fly over unpopulated areas and not their big cities. Of course, the answer is obvious. With all of their weapons pointing toward the heavens and their inherent propensity to use them, it would be foolish indeed for us to do so. Therefore, in the interest of continuing our studies, we must remain in the quieter, more peaceful areas.
I should add that not all human beings are bad. There are even a few good ones in the big cities where most of the bad things occur. Many human beings even become crusaders, desperately trying to save the human race from destroying itself. Unfortunately, these people usually lead tormented lives, burdened as they are by such a monumental task.
The purpose of this lecture was not to scare you but to heighten your appreciation of our beautiful world by observing a less fortunate one. Please don't worry. Human beings have not yet attained the technology necessary to reach our planet.
Class dismissed.
Author notes
The photo is me and my alien family when they came to visit recently. I'm the one in the middle with the black t-shirt on.
This story is one of my few memories of my early years on my home planet. (I was Schnork.)
Mark (My earth name.)
Written June 14th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Aliens & UFO by SouthernPoet.
400 points, ended August 25, 2004, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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OH MY GOD
this is SUCH a brilliant write! you're a creative genuis!
the alien class is very well behaved indeed! not like the classes here on Earth!
it seemed to be a lighthearted read in the beginning but it's so profound and thought invoking.....the human beings must be the only creatures in this entire universe to have such kind of minds....segragation,violence,lack of consideration....and what not!
this was not only a great write but a very amazing piece to read
keep writing
p.s. : when you next visit your planet,could you get some more pictures of your alien family,plz? 
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SUPERB
a beautiful write
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the story is so balanced..congratulations on that, though i feel you should that..division into smaller areas is done in order to organize things (people, cultures..interests et cetra)
NEWAYS I LIKED A LOT.
take care, God bless
Love Mayank -
A very well behaved alien class, especially Schnork, who raised his hand to answer instead of shouting out "this is boring" and walking out of the room. You know, it's sad how little good we members of the human race (or are we?) can see in our general despoilment of the planet. But then, it's difficult to heap praise on a race of beings who behave as we do. Nice story. Maybe they'll come and help us out some day.
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antish,
I have been changed by words and powerful ideas many times, usually without noticing it, so it's a great feeling to think my words might help others live happier lives in a similar way. We can all use improvement, no matter what stage we're at in life. I know I can. Thanks for reading this epic.
Mark
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Lol. Great write and your author comments made me laugh I couldn't stop reading! well it was a lot more interesting than the homework I should be doing! Some really interesting points there. I always manage to take something away with me from reading your poems, you never know one day all this could make me a better person! we can only hope hey. xxx
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Hi Adam,
Thanks for making it all the way through this one! lol I know it's a bit long. Glad you enjoyed it.
Mark -
haha this is so creative and... BRILLIENT!! Fantastic write.
-Adam -
Wow!!
Oh GOD..THIS IS WHat i like to read ..this is very different than everyday poetry..you are really talented..the idea is excellent..the style is wonderfull..and the picture is just so funny but completed your art piece very much so..this need to be published my freind..it is something rare to read..i enjoyed ur writing i will go for more and add you to my favorites if you don't mind..
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AAHAAHHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHA, great write here; very funny, and also true.
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Of course the picture is the first thing that I notice...well done. I read the story and loved it. This is an incredible
write, but not unusual for you. Something that I really enjoyed
as it kept me on my seat. It was very well presented and the flow of the story was incredible. What else can I say...Great write. Thanks for entering the contest. -
Thanks, Anna. I'm glad you enjoyed this one. I worry that it's a little preachy and/or cynical sometimes because I'm writing it from a teacher on a foreign planet's perspective, but every time I reread it, I don't change anything so it must have been what I wanted/needed to say. lol
Thanks for dropping by my author page, too. I'm going to take a peek at yours now. I appreciate you adding me to your favorites. I'll do my best to live up to it.
Best wishes,
Mark -
Incredible
This is really an incredible piece of work. Have you considered expanding on it and looking into getting it published. I realize this is only the first of your work that I have read, but it is brilliant, very funny and hooks the reader in immediatelt. I will be adding you to my list of favorites and look forward to reading your other work.
By the way you also havean increible author page. The qoute that caught my attention the most was the one by Richard Bach.
Anna -
The good humans are the ones that, though their memories are lost, still hold a piece of themselves before being born onto earth..they were aliens once too..just like you
you think i'm kidding, don't you?
maybe
Awesome creation..
~Pamela -
It's about us from an alien's perspective. Nothing anybody writes here is enough to inspire HATE. Watch your blood pressure. There are more important things to get upset about.
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I stopped reading this about halfway through because I HATE it when people take a good topic and decide to make it political. This is about ALIENS, not us.
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great
haha... I'm thoroughly amused. It's great that you can point out the world's flaws with such hilarity. I love it. -
Well...I'm still a bit weepy...but now it's laughter through the tears...& to see 4 of my AP dearest friends on the same page...oh, Mark {shaking her head}...you guys are truly...wondrous creatures in my eyes...miracles in my heart...
I've always thought, if Aliens did indeed listen to our airwaves, that between 'Don't Squeeze the Charmin' & 'Shake Your Booty'...they would just keep on going, warp speed, in the opposite direction, away from the nonsensical babble of the Human 'RACE'...yet, there is symphony & poetry & color that just might bring them back to our doors...swan
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Entertaining and informative!
Well done! I like the way you got your point across. We earthlings do need a heavy dose of humor to keep our short attention spans focused. Hopefully, evolution isn't finished with us yet. If we survive long enough, there's still hope..I hope!
<3 Maureen
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wonderful!
i can't help but applaud this fine piece of work... lol it was sincere...it was enlightening...and a bit of humor to boot. fantastic write mark! -
great write!!!!
This is the first piece (that I remember) of yours that I have read, and I truely love it. How sadly true this is. If we could see ourselves NEW, through others eyes, what would we see?
Not just the Earth, but ourselves. Would we see something better, or is our ego a bit bigger than what others see?
Great write.....kudos and applause. I will be looking and reading much more of your work. I have added you to my favorites. Thank you.
Cheryl -
Unbeliveable Mark! I just told you that I enjoy reading your long writes and here I'm delighting myself with this one! Thank you!
I liked the humor and the reality in it. People don't know teh word share and its real meaning, so true!
You know, there is a place in Central Brazil (Chapada , it calls) where you find a community (not a crazy sect!!!)of sharing; they share all, knowledge and skills. A non profit community that is growing each year.
How good you can bring up real facts with the right dose of humor! Absolutely great!
Hugs to my alien friend
Mari
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I tell ya, they can build a spaceship that can traverse the galaxy but they just can't keep the hubcaps from falling off! I have the same problem. You could probably fix the back window with a plastic sheet as long as you keep it under warp speed.
Check out U-Drive Saucer Rentals. They're pretty dinged up but they'll get you there. Make a left turn at Pluto. Ya can't miss it. lol
Mark
Edited on Aug 23, 2:22 p.m. because ''. -
sounds like a nice place to visit, where can i rent a spaceship from? mine is in the shop, having new hubcaps put on it, and a rear window.
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