Blinding, fearful, tearful rage
In shattered shards I come of age
All around me glitters with glass
For sorrow has led me to finish this task
All wood is smashed 'cuz tomorrow will bring
A final wooden box and no songs to sing
A harmonica, the lone sound, a last melody
Plays Amazing Grace in all its stark glory
And rifles sound a final report
Reminding us life is so shockingly short
I sit here in silence with tears falling free
This old empty body all that's left of me
A flag is draped over coffin of wood
My family is told he did all that he could
And saved many lives, though his own was lost
And the gift of freedom must come at some cost
The fight has gone out of me, I can't listen to more
Waves of pain crash upon me like waves on the shore
This final tribute is my final goodbye
My flower falls on the breath of a sigh
Author notes
Okay, couldn't fall asleep, saw shadows turn into skeletons in the darkness, so I turned on the light and wrote this.
for the contest, number 9 and ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL
Written June 13th, 2004
A contest entry
- Hurt Me by beauty-of-neptune.
300 points, ended June 30, 2004, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - in memory of those who served and fell and those who survived by camo.egg.army.gurl.
1800 points, ended June 9, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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breathless
wow..this sort of made me think of my fiance's death...
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This brought tears to my eyes! And I can't think of what to say about it, i suppose 'gob-smacked' might be a good word!
I wish I could write something like this, that make people stop and think
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This is so touching, i'm just sitting here not knowing what to think, and i dont know what to say other than it was absolutly perfect, in every way, the content just struck me dumb and the way you wrote it was so so... perfect( i need to find some other words that mean the same as perfect) as i was reading it the second time i was just looking real closely at it and you are so talented! i really mean it, i've never been able to write anything like this but you have inspired me to try. This is a beautiful tribute, in loving memory lest we forget. take care all xsleeperx
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Girl, this is a beautiful and heart-wrenching poem! I'm so glad you listed it in the group! And I think it would be quite fitting for you to send this to that soldier's family! I think it will be something that they will keep, and cherish for years! This is just outstanding! Excellent write!
Paula -
My one critique about this poem is that when you couldn't find an exact rhyme, you broke your pattern and did a near rhyme with glory/melody. That part broke the flow, but you were able to re-obtain it by the end of the poem. This is a different poem. You explore harmonicas and songs and funerals. It was definitely interesting to read. Good job. And hey, no hard feelings because you won the contest with another poem....lol. Thanks for entering my contest.
XoMysticFaithoX -
yeah, I figured those lines fit best, because originally this was a cry of fear. I had this image that my cousin, a helicopter pilot in the navy, would die. I won't ever tell my mom this, but I freaked out, you know. It was scary. I thought something dreadful would happen to her or something, so I imagined what it would be like to lose someone like that. I changed she to he because then my family can read it and not be reminded of our dear cousin off in the navy.
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Awesome!
I absolutely loved this poem! It was too good. My favorite lines were:
"The fight has gone out of me, I can't listen to more
Waves of pain crash upon me like waves on the shore".
Those lines just stuck with me. I'm not sure why. They just have so much emotion. And to think you wrote this after seeing shadows on your wall. Excellent write and keep up the good work. Oh, and good luck! -
sniff this was enrapturing! I'm impressed. I loved the structure and the flow of the poem, the imagery and the feeling.. awesome!!
Wow.. I'm still speechless.. -
This was absolutely beautiful! I could totally picture everything you were saying in the poem. Great job! Good luck in the contest!
~Luv/Laura
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Beautiful
i love this poem. it's so beautiful, and it speaks so much of the price that is paid for freedom...you are awesome. keep up the good work.
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