A crow,
black's darkest hue,
jet wings aflame with night,
obsidian and ebony,
lit here.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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This is a wonderful cinquain, full of imagery and your word choice is brilliant .. beautifully done .... thankyou so much for entering and I wish you the best of luck in the contest ....... keep the ink flowing hun
~Aimee
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What a beautiful piece, I love the night time, and birds, the Barn owl being my fav
Take care
Elaine
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simply gorgeous. i adore the night and all that it offers
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I like how you decribed the crow in this. It's amazing how you used so little words can decribe so much. You did a really good job. Your word usage was great. Hope to read more, thanks for sharing such good talent. Lots of love, ~maryj~
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dark
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This is good!!
Reply?
Laura
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interesting stuff here, I never use a format of any kind ... but this is really good and enjoyable to read.
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Wow. That's amazing, Gingerandhoney. I like how you opened this poem. Wonderfully written with great wording. Wonderful job.
Cecilia -
Very nice, Ginger! You did a great job . Nice word choices.
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very well done, what is that effect you see when the light refracts off the black of a crow and you see a rainbow of colors ? ... well done i could see a crow in my mind's eye.
Edited on Jun 14, 4:35 because ''. -
Lovely
Hi Gingerandhoney:
A lovely Cinquain. I could see the bird for sure. Dramatic entrance with the jet wings aflame. I liked that part especially. Thanks for the write. Bill -
nice. you did a good job of sticking to the structure, but not sounding forced or stiff.
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Hmmm...very, very well worded, but a little too heavy on adjectives for your typical cinquain. It's the equivalent of a westernized haiku, which means everything has to be greatly simplified, even though that's really hard to do. But it is good...keep up the good work.
Your Cerulean Dreamer,
Michele -
Superlative
I love the double meaning of lit (to be illuminated, and to come to rest) It closes the poem perfectly. The crow image is also vivid and concrete -
This is lovely. I especially love the title, "Night Light," which is a delicious play on words with the theme and imagery of the poem. I really like the last line as well - it reminds me of a magic show, a bird bursting inexplicably into flame, only a black bird here rather than a typical white one... very succinct, very nice.
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My pleasure
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Thank you gingerandhoney- yes we are in a similar place. i have just been on this site for two weks, and have fallen in love with it..it unleashed something in me I never even realized I had. So this week I started reading about different forms. Like you anything I write in form is an experiment- me having fun with the forms but putting what I want to say in the forms- not just play on words or whatever. Anyway, thanks again for the encouragement.
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I try to stretch myself to as many forms as possible in my writing and find it enormous fun when it comes off and a great learning experience just attempting it. You seem to have that love and excitement that new styles of writing bring too. I am looking forward to seeing much more of your stuff in the near future. Thank you for your kind comments Duana. Much appreciated.
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oh, if only you could SEE my reaction. I certainly can't write it!!! This is wonderful!!!! And thank you for introducing me to a new style. I love academic writing, and never in a million years did I ever ever ever expect to find myself on a poetry site, loving poetry. I am not exaggerating even an iota. These styles where so much is sad is very much what they expect in acadmic/scientific writing, and I think they even take the mind of a thinker, as well as a soul/heart. They always show a depth of character. I love them the best. I simply can't wait to research this new style!
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Thank you leo2 for commenting so kindly on my piece. I really appreciate it.
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You have done fine on this cinquain. I commend you work ethic. Keep up the good words.
Regards,
Leo Long
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Alas, I feel ignorant, not knowing exactly what a cinquain is; however, this is a really great poem, ignorance aside. I keep feeling a duality between a bird and a jet...or maybe that's just me.
I can't really criticize because, quite honestly, I don't know if what advice I'd give would break the essence of this style of poetry.
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I would hate to think I was splitting your personality with my poetry PhilosophyofKate. lol Thank you for your kind comments.
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This is definitely a job well done! I love the cinquain form and you captured it beautifully! So much power in so few words! Thanks for sharing and I wish you luck in the contest! --Jenn
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*bows*
oh you used the most amazing words for this short poem. what it seemed to be about and what it made me feel were pretty different, sent my mind off down completely different paths, but very impressive work either way.
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the middle line is the best, but the one following it is great too.
wish you luck. -
Love cinquains, love em, love em, love em. And this is a lovey one. I also have this thing about birds. So you doubled on this one, fine write.
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this is gorgeous, especially the third line... amazing to think this is your first cinquain... good job
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'Obsidian' is a beautiful word. Beautiful stone as well, especially snowflake obsidian.
I'm off-topic. The cinquain was lovely. I love 'jet wings aflame with night.'
Elizabeth -
Yes I love that word. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it.
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Bravo for research well done. And bravo again for using the word "Obsidian." It is a beautiful word, doncha think?
Anyway - everything looks dandy. Thanks for entering
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