The first thing I asked
When you said you'd be going
Was "When will you be back?"
The last thing I said before you
left was "See ya dude"
Because that's what you always
Say to me
It should have been
"I'll miss you...I love you"
But you wouldn't understand
Author notes
It needs a better title - any suggestions?
Written June 13th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very well written. As far as a title, I can't help you out there. My titles suck.
Great write and so real.
~Bezoar -
sorry, last two lines were a tearjerker.
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awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. This is simply so sweet. Unbelievable sweet. This last line was a tear jerker....I think we have all been there with that tough attitude, swallowing what we really meant....and to capture that small moment in a poem...that is wonderful to do that...that is what makes poetry so wonderful. This is a keeper...a poem I won't forget on here. It is short, but that moment is so special for anyone who experiences it. If I could give you some sort of award for it, I would.
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I would name it “Adults will never Understand It” or maybe “How Do You Really Feel?” To me those titles don’t matter so much. It's hard.. its even harder when someone you love don't love them back.. but your is good.. good job.
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Thanks Mary6. Live in the moment. I definately will.
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The break between lines 4 and 5 is great! Starting the new line with him leaving was a very clever move, if you ask me.
I almost want to say the second line is unnecessary, but that's a critique I'm not too comfortable with giving.
I absolutely ADORE the last two lines. It's always so difficult to get those three little words out, isn't it? -
this captures an insight so true and urgent. say it, what you feel, always say it. even if it may fall on deaf ears. i have learned that through the years. say it when you have the chance because you never know how many more chances you will get. i love the message in this write. wonderful.
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I love this one. I know how after someone leaves you think of a million other things that you should have said to them. BUt you cant. And it is Un-understandable to most people.
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