1. Occasionally, I'll piss right into the shower
before I get in, almost always, actually.
2. I have masturbated to everyone I know twice in a
shower at some point in time during my life, and left
the cum-stuck-hair-balls of approval right there, in
the drain, to mark the sacred event.
3. I always give myself a proper 'finger check'
to make sure all's well that ends well in the
ol' rear doorsky, and I've even gotten in three and
a small bottle of shampoo once, If my memory serves
me correctly. Which it, unfortunately, always does.
4. On at least a dozen occasions I have shit in the
shower, and when it wasn't runny enough, I have toe
helped it down the drain (This, of course, is very difficult
if the cum-hair ball has been deposited first).
5. For some reason I have fucked very few people in
the shower? I once did however have this client
that would pay me 500.00$ an hour to take a shower
with him, and piss on his leg several times during the
shower (he was a coke head queer that owned a catering
comp. He was also a black guy and well endowed), but
the trick was holding the piss back to about five
minutes of sporadic splurts. See, that would make him
cum quick every time, and I would get out of there in
ten minutes with the same amount of money, 5 large.
6. Finger fuck my ass while I jerk off (left handed;
as if I'm fucking a foreigner, {visually},
Remember, I never actually have had a lot of
penetration outside of myself in the shower).
7. Died of a heroin overdose once in a shower. Collapsing my
lung and splitting my lip in half. I survived obviously, though I
was in a great deal of pain for quite a while, thank god I was a
junky. I didn't feel a thing, for a few days anyway.
8. Have sang a few Emmy worthy ballads in a few,
and written some of my best material.
9. Rarely ever brush my teeth in showers. I do hands
down favor a shower over a bath any day to be frank.
Unless vanilla bath salts are involved, and acupressure,
or acute vicious blood letting with a hot voodoo chick.
10. Very rarely shave in the shower.
11. Use a stranger's shower 80% more than my own.
12. Pay someone to clean mine.
Author notes
If you are a King of Dongs than you
are also a Prince of Weiners, and
a Squire of Squirt.
Written June 12th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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LOL...at least your conserving water by using showers as a toilet. You really should try eating and sleeping in there too so you can say "i ate, shit, shaved, jerked-off, showered and slept
thanks for the early morning laughs but again not right for my contest horus. I would have loved to read your fake application for the job of your choice. -
Excellento
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Oh holy hell...how can I ever compete with something as bald and bare as this, my dear Mr. H? lol I really, uh, ENJOYED this close encounter to your third mind, and truly, I will now be scarred for the latter part of my unfortunately long life...so thank you...you never let me down...LOL
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Yes, it does.
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After these first two entries in this comp- advice to others- take your bat and ball and go home, we're all fucked in this comp! I loved this and is worth a gold, closely followed by Ed's penis. Somehow there is something strangely right about that! In any case, word to the wise, don't drop the soap with Ed there.
David -
I wouldn't consider this to be poetry, but thank you for your candor.
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Ok let me just pick my bottom jaw up off the floor. There. I see no "I wanna bone my mommy" in this so the title is dead on.
He was a mental case anyway. As far as opening the closet door I think you blew the fucker right off it's hinges.Bravo!
This would get the gold in my book. -
Haha well wasn't this a lovely write you have here Thanks for all the must know information
-Ashley,
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so your closet is open
but your shower needs cleaned
your pysche's a mess
know what the fuck I mean? -
That was Helariouse sorry cant spell write its so funnie.........great job!!!!
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The writings of horus8 almost always leave me threadbare (?)
and whirly... -
I ONCE Quaffed a quire of squirt with Rod STewart. does that count?
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I love reading educational material.
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hmmm, very...interesting... lol, cant say i do any of those things personally, but fair do's to ya man
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I relate.
Isn't that bizarre? -
pretty gross
::raises eyebrows, shrugs, smiles:: Crazy.
Liking the white links myself.
*Dil -
I've definately seen some of your better works. This was nasty... that's what the contest called for, though. The white links are really annoying. Grammar needs some checking into. But it's my own fault for clicking. I was expecting something a little more... poetic.
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gay
Seems very homosexually inclined but I'm not hating on you cause your gay. Your not very good at poetry man, seriously everything I've ever read by you was Krap you just say a bunch of vulgar things like sticking shampoo bottles up your ass post it call it poetry and plug a song. lame -
thank you for the elucidation
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The author's attitude, I believe, is what's morbid in this case.
So it's a morbid attitude about gross material. -
One can't help wondering if the shampoo bottle had its lid on or not?
I note (as I did in my poem SSDD) that even though the 'gross' factor is turned to 'high', the author still remains shackled by the mores of society. Thus: Why is it Ok to leave glistening trophies athwart the drainhole, with pride, yet the more natural droppings have to be 'toe-assisted' away? Ah embarrassment is such a small word isn't it? lol.
Splurt? Prefer spurt myself.
On the grammar front, given the subject matter, the grammar could have been perfect, or 'dumbed down' to fit the situation. Instead it was hung between. Presumably a good visual jerk-off is in order there.
As to the subject matter Vs the comp requirements? Wherein lies the morbidity of this piece? Gross, perhaps, morbid? I admit to blindness in this direction.
Well thought out and executed, I was duly warned by the title, but would have liked a tad more attention to detail. Hope it does well.
Perhaps I'll read its peers.
Auf weidersehn
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this is really nasty.just disgusting.i felt like i was gagging on ....everything.very good.good luck.
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I may not, in your opinion, be bright. But, I sure as hell ain't stupid.
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It's not really a song, it's a bird watching seminar.
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Last time I heard a song on the internet that someone suggested to me, I had to clean my ears for a week because it blew so much it threw chunks of shit into my ears.
So, no thanks.
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ha ha ha ha omg you couldn't pay me enough , as for fucking in the shower ? you have missed out my friend , rotflmao , be safe , cat
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http://gangbox.com/mp3/gangbox.mp3
Indulge, the dog actually is there to mimick your response, think again.
Nam, dear, and here I keep thinking you're bright? You once again, let me down, enjoy the song. -
I wonder why you chose the dog background. Is the dog looking at you while you take a shower, I do wonder? Or is the dog in the shower with you licking your balls while you finger-fuck yourself, I do wonder? Bestiality is fine, if you're into that kind of thing, and if you have it on video, hell, you could probably make some mucho gracias mula on the internet.
Of course, the dog could be there just for you to urinate on, there's an idea ..
There were a few things I didn't agree with, grammatical and spelling etc, minor things. But, I feel if I pointed them out, you'd say I am wrong, even tho I could be, or you'd say, well, I was going to change it but I thought 'the dog didn't lick my balls good enough so fuck it' I don't know.
We're not the same, so, yeah ..
It's a humorous piece, it's not funny ha ha humorous, but, just wity in a gross/ewww kind of way.
If I was going to rate it, I wouldn't, but, if I was, still I wouldn't.
I would say it's nice, but, I feel then I would be lieing.
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ew. how random and stupid.....i like it. but please i think u r the only one who can pull this off. so lets not start any fads here now children!
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horus8, of course!
heh. yr very strange. =) -
brutal and a bit to honest for my brain to wrap aroound- buut notice i read it to the end!!!
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and #3 is particularly funny and sort of clever with the way you blame your memory...
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how much do you pay them to clean your shower? whatever amount, it is not enough! not sure whether to laugh, cry or vomit...wait...vomit....shall i go do it in the shower?
no, i have to clean my own shower. remind me never to invite you to shower at my place! -
did she say disgusting? whatever...
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love it. what else can i say? it is so bold, and in parts excruciatingly well worded...great
i hate fucking in the shower...something about the water breaks down and eliminates any natural lubrication. plus it is slippery and dangerous. -
this was very.... uniwue i guess is the right word... really really gross and morbid too.. actually it was just all around disgusting.. Im sure thats what the contest host was looking for..good luck
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