Birds.
I walk by below the hooded trees,
Watching them through the branches,
Leaves.
Air.
Where they glide,
And gravity I abide,
Earth.
School
Of children up ahead.
Education to be embed,
Among those of the learned,
And mortals,
Soon to be dead.
Bled,
Or Unfed.
Either way, tears are to be shed.
Value.
Child.
A lost one,
And the last among them,
Patiently awaiting, for a guardian.
For an escort,
Home.
Day,
A lovely one,
Soon to be done,
Dusk.
Manners.
I had.
Offering her an escort.
To her death.
To her dad.
Family.
Hesitation,
At first, consumed her.
The fall of the dark and thirst, resumed her.
She held my hand and we were off in convoy,
Companion.
Trust.
I felt,
With her every laughter.
A bond that welt
So beautiful and innocent,
Smile.
Agreeing.
Upon the sunset.
We head for the highest acme.
No Tibet,
But an elevated building in sight.
Eyes.
Height,
A phobia of mine.
Considering the remaining shine,
Of the sun.
And of the night that has begun.
View.
Hesitation,
Again, as I offered her the edge
Of the building with the pleasant view.
A feisty bird she is,
Why won't she fly like the others do?
Fear seized in her that is untrue.
Unreal.
So I offered her the edge again,
Of my exotic knife, a foreign blend.
She screamed as it reached her neck,
And even more so by the minute, by the sec.
Slowly slitting, this is like a dream.
I felt her thirst within her scream.
The similarity was different in our fright,
Hers was of knives and mine was of height.
Dilemma.
I spared her critical veins,
The ones that reached oxygen to her brain,
This was to ensure that she would not die.
The rest were rested,
I had never seen a dead bird fly.
I cut from the front, side and the back,
I cut her oesophagus to hear her measured breath.
Melody.
Fly.
She did,
For a few second in time.
Through the air and height.
Onto the earth.
Disappointed.
As I expected more,
A limitless glide over the ocean shore.
Walk.
I made slowly to the ground.
Gentle steps coming down.
Pondering, as I looked at her.
She was as beautiful as innocent as ever.
Picking her up within my arms.
I shoo away the flies, protecting her for harm.
Tranquility.
Dripping.
Of blood as we stroll down the street,
Deserted, but the wind was a treat.
The familiar trees came again in sight.
I could see a figure through the minuscule light.
On a closer notice, it was a man,
Nervous and wrecked, could not hold his stand.
Father.
Inexplicable.
He was,
While I returned his daughter in his hands.
Phenomenon.
Pondering,
The cause of her short flight,
I followed the flowing blood from her neck.
And to her back.
Then it struck me, like a jolt.
She was missing wings, the reason for her halt.
No wonder, she could not fly like the birds,
She had no support to glide and move upwards.
How silly of me on her behalf,
Fishes are beautiful too.
I think, and laugh.
Author notes
being a clerical necromancer of the realms, it is my duty to explore the darkest psychotic minds, and think the same way, to protect innocence.
Written June 11th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything dealing with BlOoD!!! by Walking In pAiN.
300 points, ended March 8, 2006, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me scream by WanderingCyclone.
460 points, ended June 12, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 75 of 75
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I like this. Dark. Psychotic. Intriguing. Good luck.
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wow i'm speechless...i have to be honest, but when i started reading it..i was like "ok what does this have to do with anything i'm looking for" but then as i kept reading, it locked my eyes...i was so into it. It's interesting in a way..i like how you had pauses in there and the rhyming..the story was great. I wish you the best of luck in my contest and thank you very much for entering!
Ashley -
holy shit this was awesome!!!! i love the way it was written too...my admiration for this piece is indescribable.
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Very nice. Very twisted, but not too intense about it.
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HEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEEH ....THIS WAS TOO FREAKING COOL ... LIKE ABSTRACT THOUGHTS THEN WELL KNOTTED TOGTHER WICKED ...The dark
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AH! This too! You really are a great poet! These just ryhme so well, and the imagery is wonderful! I loved these lines:
The similarity was different in our fright,
Hers was of knives and mine was of height.
Tha made me smile...(Should I admit to smiling in a poem like this???) Though I really liked this (LOTS) I absolutely adored the last lines, which again, made me smile. (Maybe I should stop admitting that!!!) But at any rate, really excellent write, and if I had any applauds left, I would use them! You deserve it! -
not bad not bad at all. it is great! I could could feel the tention..t was really exiting and thrilling..this madness...maybe it was because of the full moon..or because of darkness..or because the narrator's fear of hights...well it raised many questions. i love it.really great
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when i first seen this i thought, "birds...weird..." but i loved it when i read it! it is a bit odd but that's good, its different than most poems. good job, very unique.
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cool
Hey bro! This is great! I love it! I'm not in dark poetry as you know me but your poem really ammazed me. You excell in this field. Keep it up! And oH! Look at those applauses! -
I clicked on this thinking it was something different, so I read some of it and liked it, but, for some reason I lost interest. I am sorry, I am sure you are a very poetic person and I hate to say something negitive. I wish you luck in the contest...GOD BLESS AND TAKE CARE LAURA
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Heh, perhaps it's merely because I border on the insane, but I understood this perfectly the first time through. The attention to detail, the innocent perversion of the murderer's mind, etc. Wonderfully written...
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This poem is awesomely gruesome
I like the ending alot heh -
Hi I enjoyed reading this piece, sorry I didnt get to read it before the contest ended, but I was away for a few days.
Congratulations on winning a trophy
Take care
Elaine
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HELL YEAH!! awesome work! so amazing i really loved it! it's so gory and morbid and-and-and i'm at a loss for words here King. just-wow-wow lol this is just-wow! i seriously don't know what to say! great job!
Serated Blades and cheap band-aids
Bleezie -
Awesome
I enjoyed the cold, descent of unearthly madness displayed by the character throughout his exploration! Well done! -
Awesome
I enjoyed the cold, descent of unearthly madness displayed by the character throughout his exploration! Well done! -
I found this to be strange and distracting - perhaps I'm just lazy but I find that when I have to read and reread to find meaning, I lose interest and wonder why it must be so difficult - is it me or the write? Curious as to why this is in "dark beauty"? Had trouble discerning the beauty - again, maybe just me. Not really my type of writing either. Interesting. Paul
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Oh boy that was good.. it seemed so random but thought flowed into thought naturally and I have a bit of a psycho streak myself. I can appreciate a good free-write of this genre. Well good for you. You've got talent.
~Bezoar -
good job! u deserved to win
Edited on Sep 03, 11:45 because '....'. -
Okay, this wasn't scary or creepy at all. The flow seemed forced too.
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Dude... I love the ending. "Fishes are beautiful too." Makes me shiver in a way... Awesome job, nice.
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This was really good. i've liked everything that ive read from you so far. it was dark and just flat out good. thanks so much for entering and good luck.
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This is amazing. I think I'm going to have to read more by you once this contest is over. You're an incredible poet, and I bet one day you're going to be published (if that's your dream that is)
Anyway, this is excelent! Very dark, and I love it! Thank you for entering it into my contest, and good luck!
Vampress -
wow this is a crazy poem lol i love it! so disturbing and it all flows together so well, it's awesome. really cool write
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I had to read twice, so that I could understand it more. I am glad I did. Great write.
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I understand the the esophagus isn't what a person breathes through, but within the poem it was mentioned..
"I spared her critical veins,<--
The ones that reached oxygen to her brain,
This was to ensure that she would not die.
The rest were rested,
I had never seen a dead bird fly.
I cut from the front, side and the back,
I cut her oesophagus to hear her measured breath.
Melody."
keeping true to the plot, i kept my words the same.
thank you again, for the comment, i do appreciate it.
~elminster. -
wow, great write, thanx for entering., this was very dark and disturbing, just the way my sick lil mind likes.. write on
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AMAZING YOUR TOTALLY AMAZING AND INSANE WOAH YEAH!!!
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Well, you certainly could say this is something different! Must have been written from the perspective of someone high on something other than a ledge. I liked the form and style of writing.
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I think the subject is too dark and tragic for there are sick people out there that do this sort of thing, I hope you are not one of them, but since I clicked, I will tell you on a pure basis of the poem itself, it was beautifully written.. You have talent, I would love to see it used for something a little more positive and less disturbing.
Edited on Aug 08, 8:54 because ''. -
Freaky...but interesting all the same. Just for anatomical correctness, you say "I cut her oesophagus to hear her measured breath". This is wrong in two ways:
a)The oesophagus (or esophagus) is behind the trachea and important blood vessls - hard to get to without cutting other things
You don't breathe through the esophagus at all - it's a passage for food - but the trachea.
Excellent piece otherwise!
~Elsie -
u shud win this ....
love the patten and the words...love it totally! -
im in awe
holy shlamola, i hope you never did this in real life lol
this is a really incredible poem, i can really feel the dynamics as the words get closer together and the tension builds....lovely use of vocabulary and it was all round excellent
Best of luck in the contest!!
~chris x -
Damn..this was disturbingly beautiful. You are one truly amazing poet to make such beauty out of a sickly demented subject. I liked this.
--cole xoxo -
Oh wow. Took me a moment to realize what this was all about. I like it, and yet don't want to like it.
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aghhhhhhhh that's awesome! who would think that a poem about killing little girls could be really funny, and beautiful?
that was rhetorical.
anyway, wow. the last couple of stanzas are brilliant, love the twisted... yeah. -
I don't support poems about the murder of little children, even if it is just a poem, and not something you desire, it is still sick, and could plant the idea in other people's heads. There is not reason to encourage these actions.
-sd -
then why bother
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Dark... but very beautiful. I LOVED the last three lines. Goodness... you really took MY breath away. And my heart is beating like a drum. Very evocative and very descriptive, in an odd way. I loved the rhyme pattern, and I could really see it.
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i love it it put imiges into my head and i like that great write love _PLAYMATE_
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Very nice. The form and flow of this are truely unique along with the story you are telling. I loved how yo began with it more descriptive, then focused in on a story. Really interesting a fun to read. I'm gonna applaud this, but it didnt't really fit the contest, so can consider you :/ Great piece though.
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Ohhhhhh. I was surprised to read the length and the shape of your wonderful poem. This is very clever and unique. I can see why you have trophies. I am afraid of knives, but I still loved the poem.
Bo
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Wow, interesting poem. It had a very unusual concept.
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Elm of Cloakwood.
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"She was missing wings, the reasons for her halt" wonderful write poet. Very long but it kept me wanting to read on. Pen on..
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What ideas do you not want anyone to get? Just to make sure I didn't, of course.
Tecohe -
Very good!
Very good! I loved it! Dark poems are always fun to read. Keep it up! -
I will leave untouched the comment box, as all children should also be left untouched by the dark ink of evil printing sorrow on their foreheads....a tragic story that would never sell to anything legitimate, or worthy of the effort.~Artis
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B-e-a-utiful
Very awsome. Very dark. I loved it. I love a good murder poem. Id applaud if i had points. G'night. -
creepy, awesome and satisfying
Oooh...
Dark...and satisfying? XD wow....*prints it out and posts it to her favorite billboard along with pictures and such* Me likes...
bwa haha..anyways, I lurved this part:
How silly of me on her behalf,
Fishes are beautiful too.
I think, and laugh.
Iono..I would say something about it, but that might just freak you out. It really reminded me of a friend in a way (he's not..like..the person in the poem, I assure you.) This was an awesome write, and I shall go read more! *flies to the other poems*...no pun intended.
-Lilly
P.S. ....This would be really strange if the father was the murderer... -
great, wonderful, grand, love it!
EXCELLENT i loved this i like the imagery and the creativity and time you put into it.
So I offered her the edge again,
Of my exotic knife, a foreign blend.
She screamed as it reached her neck,
And even more so by the minute, by the sec.
Slowly slitting, this is like a dream.
I felt her thirst within her scream.
The similarity was different in our fright,
Hers was of knives and mine was of height
I like these lines the best! -
Deep, dark, and mysterious. Alittle gruesome actually. I was reminded of Alfred Hitchcock. Well done.
~Elsie -
Awesome write. So random...yet complex and somehow seems to make sense.
"Dripping.
Of blood as we stroll down the street,
Deserted, but the wind was a treat."
The rhyming was unorganized yet perfect. GREAT WRITE! Good work, You seemed to have put tons of effort into this piece. Amazing vocabulary/verbage. Good luck. -
Beautiful piece you have here that is Dark and just what the doctor ordered regarding a sadistic write...
Bravo to you sweetie~
I had to read a couple of times for I loved the style you did this in...
Best wishes to you in the contest my dear~
and much love~Desire
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Thanks. I have sharp teeth for clerical reasons. I do appreciate the comment. = ).
Elm -
Focking Amazing!
*drools* Focking beautiful.. Just beautiful. I realize this is just poetry.. But wow... I'm so glad you entered this.. I love the rhythm.. The rhyme.. The feel. So dark, so beautiful. So amazing. I had to catch my breath a few times through this, being that I read it out loud. Every line brings me to choke, and god I love that. You made her sound so innocent, and yourself so insane.. The whole wings thing.. AHHH!! No wings.. Very great.. I loved that line. This is truly worth pondering for a trophy.. Great write.. This is gonna be so hard to judge!
Beautiful.. Good luck!
Ho||oW -
great job..u have alot of talent..seriously great write. thanks for entering
-(JeNn)- -
Dark and well worded... I liked how you set of single words to open and close stanzas, linking all the thoughts together. It gave it a sort of pulse.
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wow this is REALLY good, I mean warped, but amazing. I think this is beautifully told, you're and exquisite storyteller. And I appreciate your comment saying how its just poetry. Some people take this stuff too seriously. Great write, you have my applause!
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This truly sickened me. Well done, very few people can do that. The intensity of emotion and description in this piece were superb. The best lines were surely:
'The similarity was different in our fright,
Hers was of knives and mine was of height.'. You made both the victim and the murderer so human, which is probably why this piece shocked me. He even has fear. You explored the murderer in depth and describe the victim from his perspective. The short sharp words every now and then keep bringing back the cold and terrible reality of the man's insanity and his actions towards the girl. Good luck in my contest. Barbie. Xx -
Well, aside from the subject content - I liked this. I just don't advocate the use of children in horror poems. I realize it is poetry and nothing more but that's just me. The imagery was great though. It just made me kinda sad and cringe here and there.
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A bit long but it was worth it. Amazing ... really mind blowing. Thanks for entering and good luck
~Rachel~ -
Great write
lol your authors comments were funny. I don't mean to laugh... sorry! But anyway. This was awesome Elm. You definately have a wonderful talent for creativity for sure. This was a brilliant piece. I loved the ended about how you think fish are beautiful too... that made me smile. It was a random thought because all this trama happens and then at the end you think fishes are beautiful. Very good write though. It was very unique and different. I loved it!!! Keep up the great work hun!!!
Cherie
Edited on Jun 24, 1:04 because ''. -
Thank you for correcting me and the kind comment. I appreciate it.
---elm -
Bookmarked
"esophagus" -> oesophagus
No wonder you entered this into a "Your Very Best Work" contest, I can see how it would be anybody's best. The way each stanza starts with a single word really adds to the power each stanza holds in it's own right as well as the poem as a whole.
Very well written, will be added to my 'Essential Reading' list.
Lynn xXx
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wow that is crazy.. i like it alot..
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You did an unusual way putting the poem on paper. Great writing. Thank you for your comment on "The Twinkling Star". Rick
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Sweet Style!
Well now Elminister, This poem has a lot to its dark beauty a thing i find hard to create, may your creativatiy never stop. I hope your unique style will continue to flow. Thanks Elminister. -
this is some really amazing stuff...i was blown away...EXTREMELY IMPRESSED WITH YOU MY GOOD FRIEND..didnt know you had these mad skills
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this is amazing! ur one of my favourite poets on AP! everything so unique and wow! keep it coming! kaz xx
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That was just mindblowing and totally awesome...
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Awesomeness!
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exellent!
hey wicked poem! this was so unique in its style and kept me hooked throughout! congrats on winning!
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wow this is a great write and you are truely a great poet i will be reading more of your poems this went into so much detail and i totally felt it great job and good luck in my contest
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Wicked Clowns.
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