I have a simple, short story to tell.
A man was pushing a stone up a hill.
Someone passed by and shook his head.
“How silly,” he thought and continued on ahead.
Another man stopped and watched a while.
“You’re not getting far!” he yelled with a smile.
He too left and continued on his merry way.
He had other things to accomplish that day.
The pusher continued to grunt and groan
As he tried to move the heavy stone.
Many people came and many went.
Soon the day was nearly spent.
A man came by in a hurry to get home
When he saw the man pushing the stone.
Without a thought or the slightest yell,
He put his shoulder to the stone as well.
In little time, without a single groan,
They moved up the hill that heavy stone.
Inside a hole where the stone had laid
Were stones of sapphire, gold and jade.
“Go ahead and take your pleasure.
From my hidden, buried treasure,”
Said the man to the one who had come to his aid.
“You’re worthy of my sapphire, gold and jade.”
In a list
- Parables and Stories • next in list
- Read These • next in list
- List of Poems Written for Me by AP Poets (under construction) • next in list
- My Favorite AP Poets • next in list
A contest entry
- Bring Out Your Best Poems ~ Invitation Only by Night Hope.
300 points, ended July 31, 2005, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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Blessing returned in blessing! This just reinforces my belief that love isn't love unless it's given away. The rhythm in this is almost like a ballad and the rhyme is wonderfully done with strain at all. I truly enjoyed the read.
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'...The pusher continued to grunt and groan
As he tried to move the heavy stone.
Many people came and many went.
Soon the day was nearly spent.
A man came by in a hurry to get home
When he saw the man pushing the stone.
Without a thought or the slightest yell,
He put his shoulder to the stone as well...'
Ah, yes...but the very act of Kindness is the reward...well said, melphleg...Thanks for entering & good luck... Wanda
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The overall piece is really good. The story within a poem is very much put into briefness that I actually like. The poem is detailed. The poem's message is so nice and will definitely make you smile. The rhyming is so natural and has nice flow in it. Thanks for entering and I wish you goodluck!
---"I dont know what to say. Do read my mind." VIRGOAN--- -
"He too left and continued on his merry way.
He had other things to accomplish that day."
I hate to sound picky and obtrusive, but that line bothers me-I could never think of anyone wording something so freakishly happy.
"“Go ahead and take your pleasure.
From my hidden, buried treasure,”
Said the man to the one who had come to his aid.
“You’re worthy of my sapphire, gold and jade.”
That line seems to carry a double meanign
I actually didn't anticipate the moral you were going to go with in the story, it was interesting. And don't take my line critiques harshly, they aren't meant to be negative! Those lines just caught my attention witht heir wierd use of style -
Very nice poem. I like the moral
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yeah good poem/ moral
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This is a great poem with a great message. Thanks for entering my contest & I wish you luck. La x
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so many ways this applies to so many things in the world today, we should all know that a hand lent can cause many hands to add to the cause.....Artis
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ooohhh... i loved this! it's really cool how it told a story, and the message to it is awesome... amazing story/poem!
~*~Ashley~*~ -
a good piece.
Lisa x -
taht is a cool story and it has a good moral also, its not often that you can find a good poem that flows well and that tells a good story.
~Hidden~ -
Oooh, I like this one!!! I hope you win! Actually, I don't hope, I know you will! ^.^ This is a great, heartwarming poem, and you are definitaly going to win
If you don't someone needs to be PUNISHED!!!!!
Yvette -
This is wonderful melphleg. Great object lesson. You never know what ripple effect those random acts of kindness will have on your life as well as the lives of others. I just love reading you! It always makes me feel good. Good luck in the contest.
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This is a very good moral. I also like your meter and rhyme. We never know what the reward will be for our little acts of help.
The text is a little light for comfortable reading, please consider that some people here have eye problems. Good contrast helps them participate.
Thanks for featuring! I hope you enter my monorhyme contest.
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That's okay. If it weren't for spell check, I couldn't spell either. Thanks for the comment and compliment.
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This is great. This is like um a fable? thats wut they call em rite? and the "moral" or wutever i think i know but im not sure. It's exelent. awsome. absolutely fabules! um ya i can spell sorry.
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I never read either of those. I'll have to get a copy and maybe read them to my nieces and nephews.
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Hey this is just great- it reminds me of course of The Road to Jericho, but it also reminds me of all the fantastic fun farie tales i used to read in my all time favorite childrens book called 'Grandfather Tales' I really enjoyed this. Thanks for a great read. It was nice that you could put it in poetry form.
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Wow! that was really good! That kind of remides me of hte Bible story of the Good Samaritan. That was excellent! Very good piece!
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FANTASTIC!!! Oh my gosh! This was fantastic! I'm going to bookmark this one. . . . I'm going to have to read some more of your work. You're a beautiful writer. And this piece had an even more beautiful message to it. Thanks so much for sharing. Keep writing! Don't you dare think about wasting your perfect talent!!!
Love
Amelia
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
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EXCELLENT work!!! i'm going to use 6 points (i know it's not al lot) to promote this as well. great work!
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melphleg~
Hey! I thought that this was a good poem. It was nicely written and it had a good flow to it as well. Just if everyone could be that nice to help out others... Keep writing and thank you for sharing this with all of us here.
~!~Manda~!~ -
excellent imagery and the wording is. What a wonderful poem, I really enjoyed reading it.
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aww that's a sweet story. and nicely written thanks
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Bravo
Claps
Liking the ending of this story
Like PurpleSky stated
"We all could learn from this one"
Hugs
Susan~~~
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I like the thought that was put into this story and the way you taught a lesson with it. Beautifuly written and a strong statement made. I think all could take a few notes and learn from this.
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And you should be very proud of this write...it is absolutely beautiful..excellent imagery and the wording is lovely as well...and of course it always helps a poem when there is a great story/message behind it...I am glad that you mentioned this and that I read it...thank you again for sharing your words...
Good luck to you in the contest...
~~Kristy
Edited on Jul 01, 4:39 p.m. because ''. -
I really enjoyed that!! Nice style, flowed well, and I love any story or poem with a message/moral. Nice work!
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tells a very good moral story =)
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Wonderful
Excellent..and with a moral and all..dont see that often..gotta love it
...knew you had talent just from the first one i ready..keep it up..great job
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seriosuly a great write, very interesting, keep penning!
never stop your great talent!
take care
~CoRy~ -
that was great..hmmm..iwant to read it all over again
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Illustrates a great moral perfectly. I would say that it ought to be read to school children, but I'm not so sure it is simple enough for them. Nonetheless, a great write.
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Brilliant!
What a wonderful story/poem, I really enjoyed reading this it's very uplifting. It also serves to prove that a little altruism can go a long way.
A beautifully written piece that shows a lot of thought and effort has gone in to its structure and layout.
Very well written, well done. -
This is such a great write that portrays symbolically about the selfgratification we recieve when we have done a good deed or helped someone in need . It was a good inspiration for me to start my day with , thx
Reenie
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brilliant
yep.........that figures.........the LAZY, WORTHLESS, UNHELPFUL ones lose out.........God GIVES to the "Good Samaritan"..........this is an excellent poem..........nice work and keep it up............ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Kittyom~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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moralistic
what a truly lovely write.it can easily be classified as a fable for it has the strength of one.it telss a story and relates a moral.well written and the rhymes were topnotch.you are definitely worth another read. -
A fable, for sure - the moral of the story is "If you see someone rolling a big stone up a hill, go out ahead of him and look around for a treasure while the poor sod is busy...lol"
Scott -
Wow...what a strange story of generous help and rewards. Sounds almost biblical, or something of the sort to teach a lesson. A fable possibly. Otherwise, it was very good.
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Good story, showing the moral value of helping people. When struggling, don't chide the person, aide them. Great way of showing that ideology in poem story form. Rhyme, rhythm, and flow were excellent. Great job.
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This was so cute. I feel like it should be a childrens book. The rhyming was great and I loved the poetry/story format. I loved the moral too! Wow this was great! Thank you for sharing!
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I really liked the moral of the story! If I have kids when I grow up, I want them to read this! It's beautiful and powerful!
Please enter a poem in my contest. It's about second chances. I'm sure you can write something as good as that for my contest.
http://allpoetry.com/Contest/664541
Jen >_< -
Aw... that was cute!!! I love it. It gave me the chills!!! It's one of those things that people should always keep in mind. This was a very well written poem. The message was so cute. I love it. Thanks for sharing it. God Bless.
-Tawney -
Great
Nice Poem, you deserve a Getm Mug for effort, and four stars for intricate detail.**** -
This is a fantastic piece of poetry. I like how it allows me a glimpse inside your mind. You chose your words excellently... there was no break in the flow here you really said what you had to say and that was that, good job. I havent read your work before but I tell you what it seems like you've got quite a bit of talent and that real nice to see in a day and age when everything is so bitter and lifeless. I would call this poem nothing short of perfect its well written and right to the point. Nice job I like the treasure
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Thank you for the comment. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.
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Wonderful!
Delightful read! Thank you! Kudos! Keep up the Very Fine Writing!
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