Here in the shadows of pain and loneliness I thrive.
Without the one who brought me up,
Taught me the essential facts of life, I am nothing.
He doesn't understand how much his words kill me.
I've been reduced to tears more often then ever before.
Failing to live life to the fullest as I once did.
My life and feelings are that of a blood soaked black rose.
Thoughts of suicide are out of the question. But deep sadness is evident.
She's given me an emblem of peace,
It is one of the only things I value.
I never knew how hard it would be without her.
He doesn't get it, he'll never try, he doesn't care.
He says he does, but whenever he tries to show it, I can tell it's fake.
He is supposed to love me, to care for me, to raise me saying, 'I want the best for her.'
He might say he does, but is it genuine?
How am I supposed to know? I don't know why he treats me this way.
I try to reason with him, but it never works.
I can only imagine what things would be like, how different my life would be.
If he acted differently. I wish she was here,
She is the only one who totally understands what I'm going through.
It's unfair, I'm so proud of her, but is he? I have no way of knowing.
He may be right, things might need to change...for the better? I don't know.
But do they have to be so radical... so quickly?
-Krystal Kerney-
Author notes
eh, I was really depressed at the time. Our family was going through some really rough times. I know it isn't perfect, infact, its more like random thoughts more than anything, but I wrote it so I put it up anyways. If you've got any suggestions let me know.
-KK-
Written November 20th, 2003
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Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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No suggestions..this showed so much emotion...I'm in awe at this very moment! No words.
-sydni
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I wont comment on this piece except to agree with your own comments. It reads like a letter to yourself, or a diary entry. That exotic image though - of the blood soaked black rose - very expressive of your emotional state at that trying time.
Something else, your motto - dont squish the butterflies (not an easy wicked act, butterflies are elusive) reminded me suddenly of walking up the road one summer's day as a boy and coming upon a large, smooth-haired, slim black cat sitting by a flower bed. All around it were the gutted bodies of a number of tortoiseshell butterflies. It stared at me, a thin slant eyed face with no trace of guilt or shame (amoral, naturally) The dead butterflies lay around it like a jewelled frieze and almost all had been killed with precision, a claw slice down through the body leaving the wings intact. (Nature raw in tooth and claw). -
I put the line suicide is out of the question, because I wanted to make it clear that I wasn't even considering that. there are too many people who could have wonderful lives ahead of them if they make it that way, but decide to end it all, in an attempt to in my opinion take the easy way out. But in the end, everyone suffers. I don't want to commit suicide, there are too many people in the world that I care about and have come to love. I delt with more than one friend that considered that and it made an impact on me that will stay with me forever. I do not fear death, but to take my own life, I don't believe is a wise choice. thank you for your comment, and for welcoming me to all poetry, I'm very glad a friend (you could check out his works aswell) - paulihochreiter suggested this to me.
always,
-KK- -
It is very sad when parents say they want the best for you, but they really are not sure what the best is. And it is sad that you ahve to go through this type of pain. I am sorry... please continue to hold on. Just because I'm curious, why is there a line that says "Suicide is out of the question"? Not that I want you to commit suicide... (PLEASE DON'T!), but I was just wondering. Keep writing. And welcome to allpoetry!
::eternallywinged -
this is a great write...its filled with emotion and has a nice flow! nice write!
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