Marked moments
I sit and watch her as she sleeps,
not daring to jostle, bump or make noise.
I am careful to mark this moment,
etching this fragment of time
deep into the canvas of my memory.
I notice how sweetly her mouth moves.
I see delicately graced movements
within folds of blanketed safety.
How elegantly her fingers curl,
open and close in unfettered poise.
I observe her chest, gentle in its breathing
and am so captured by this being,
lost in her charm, her sweet simple beauty.
She is now my only thought:
how to care for her, honor her presence.
I sit here beside her counting the seconds
waiting for her to awake to see me.
Strange, this feeling of tenderness I feel.
Within the strength of masculine power,
I whisper to her small foolishnesses;
“...when you awake I will be here for you.
I hope you and I will grow to be friends,
see, I am your daddy, here to watch over you.”
Her tiny frame scrunches and squirms.
Adjusting her blanket, I gently rub her back.
My hand is nearly as large as her body,
she is but twenty-seven hours old.
I must remember to hold...this...moment.
How soon those moments have passed
and too quickly they have moved on.
She is grown now and married,
off living with her husband.
Twenty-seven years later, memories still linger.
Now, here, in this marked moment....I sit
and I whisper small foolishnesses
up into the night while kneeling;
“I may not be with you, and someday will leave
but I want you to know, I will always remember
how you captured my heart, one day in the past.
And though we're apart, know I still love you
because after all these years I am still your daddy
praying for angels to watch over you now.”
~r.
Author notes
June 8, 2004:
I am overwhelmed by the response to this poem and grateful for all the kind comments and creative criticisms I have received. I had no idea there would be this many remarks. I will try to return the favor if I can but may not be able to do that.
So I will say thank-you here in this note to all to have commented. I appreciate your views, perspectives and value your critiques. ~ricki
Written June 6th, 2004
174.9.9.07
In a list
A contest entry
- tender-hearted by honey bear.
550 points, ended February 1, 2007, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do YOU think?
Comments
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Beautiful!
This is so very touching and gentle. Oh, how our little ones do profoundly change us and make us realize what is really important in this life. I wish I would have had a daddy that loved me this way. But he was not capable, and I have accepted that. Your daughter is also blessed to have you as her daddy. Blessings, Patty
. Rewarded 6
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This is such a sweet moment. Thank you for sharing this. I like the repetative use of you saying to yourself to mark the moment. It wasn't done in an overwhelming amount but just right. It gave the poem a nice structure.
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I hope you and I will grow to be friends,
see, I am your daddy, here to watch over you.”
Her tiny frame scrunches and squirms.
Adjusting her blanket, I gently rub her back.
My hand is nearly as large as her body,
she is but twenty-seven hours old.
I must remember to hold...this...moment.
oooo sounds like a really good moment to remember and to hold dear to your heart. i like this poem alot keep up the good work. you deseve the gold. -
This one goes back a ways, and it si good that newer poets get a chance to read this as well. Find it interesting to read the comments given as well. Congratulations on the gold - awesome write. Appears I commented on this one before.
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oh I do hope you show this to her if you haven't already! This is so sweet and gentle. Your words seem to be just as caressing as the actions within them! This is wonderful.
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wow, this is beautiful. so much emotion and honesty. time does go by way too fast, and it's best to treasure your memories as they come. excellent write.
. Rewarded 4
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Beautifully Moving!
As I read your words, my thoughts went to my children and your words expressed the exact feelings that I have felt. Blessings to you and yours always! *heart*
. Rewarded 4
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I am very glad that I stumbled over this! This was remarkable, and I enjoyed reading it. Very well done on the gold!
. Rewarded 4
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This poem brings back such vivid memories of my father and I, remembering always his gentle guidence through literature and life, love and laughter. I cherish this poem so much and appreciate your talent. This is a wonderful peice of art, gorgeouse!
. Rewarded 4
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This was such a touching poem to read... you really let the emotions bleed onto the printed page.
My favorite lines were:
but I want you to know, I will always remember
how you captured my heart, one day in the past
Great poem...
~Lanivity
. Rewarded 4
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This is such an amazingly beautiful poem... it was very deserving of the trophy... this left me speechless... I'm pretty sure that everyone else has said so many lovely things about this poem that there is nothing left to say
wonderful
Keep writing
Polly -
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Polly, thank you so ever so much for your wonderful comment, i appreciate it. I will be by to read one of yours in a while.
blessings and best wishes, astralshepherd
~r.
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Simply beautiful. There are so many words of love in this wonderful poem written for your daughter, you are both so lucky to be able to share this poem. Congratulations on winning GOLD, most deserved. Take care, Julie.
. Rewarded 4
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thank you so much for taking the time to read my poem, 'marked moments' i appreciate your comment as well as the generosity of your applause - both mean a great deal to me.
~r.
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OH wow this is a great poem.... simply wonderful. I love the emotion, and its something that I can definatly connect to. I just moved out of my father's house after nineteen years with him being there and careing for me and looving me..... and now that I really don't get to talk to him anymore.... (may be like twice a month) I know that he really does love us all and that he will always care for me.....
Great poem..... it deserved every comment that you have gotten for it... -
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Thank you so much for your encouraging words, i appreciate your feedback as well as the sharing of your memory.
~r.
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Priceless Piece
What a beautiful poem of love from a new daddy to his baby girl. Marked Moments is the perfect title that is for sure, I love this. Oh how precious and sweet they are. The first line I sit and watched her as she sleeped and the last line praying for angels to watch over you now. What a wonderful daddy you are. She is blessed to have a dad that kneels in prayer for his precious loved daughter. Thank you for sharing your gift to write poetry with me. Blessings Kelle Marie, stavykm
. Rewarded 8
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You made me cry. My baby's 5 and we never get done capturing moments. I love the idea of this. You don't have to respond, just thank you for this.
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i know i still pause here when i reflect back on that time, its a time and a memory i wanted to keep, you know, just in case my mind loses this body with age, when i lose the "me" and the memory - my daughter will know how much she means to me
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You have captured the sentiments of so many, we all have such marked moments, don't we? I suppose some are negative and some are positive, too, some moments almost mark themselves...a well earned Gold trophy for sure lol
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thanks for the lovely and kind remark, i am pleased that you could connect with my rambling bit of prosaic foolishness, old age creeping in is what did it.
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...I'd like to think my Dad felt this way...so I could have said: "you are a wonderful father...thanks Dad"...but I can say this to you now Dear Shepherd...you too are a wonderful father...Love , Rhonda
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You so capture the precious tenderness of that moment that your reader is overwhelmed by it. We, as readers, are drawn into your emotion rather than it just being shown to us. You truly have a remarkable gift with words.
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Truely moments to mark, I enjoyed reading this so much!
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worthy of gold
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beautiful
I responded with a frise, an almost unknown response to a poem. I wish all fathers felt this way.
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That poem is incredible. Thanks very much for that. You deserve a lot of gold trophys for that one.
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wow, i just had to come back for one more read of this very heartwarming write.. beautiful my friend just beautiful
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it is a beautiful piece, well deserving on the top prize spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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There can be no greater love than that of a parent for his child ,wonderfully penned tenderness and love ,superbly written and the last stanza shows we never forget those first moments ,beautiful ,good luck in the contest
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This so sweet. I look forward to the moment that i will be able to look down in a craddle and look upon my little baby. I have a while till I'm ready for that moment but i know that when it comes i'll feel the same way as you did.
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I think this is an amazing piece filled with the love of a parent for a child, even when they are not with those children. I love the tenderness, the beautiful description of a child sleeping and trusting that the world will be well because someone is watching over them. Thank you for sharing this precious, breathtaking moment with us.
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Words can't do justice to what I felt while reading this poem. It's so beautiful. Thanks for writing. And the title goes perfectly well with the poem.
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I think all mothers and fathers can relate to these feelings, of how they felt when their new born is so young, and then again years later when they leve and get married. You have expressed those sentiments very well and made them easy to read and understand in these lines. Very nicely written.
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Tear Jerking
This was very heart felt. My father was my best friend before he died and I suppose that he still is. I talk to him everyday and I have always wondered if he had moments or thoughts such as you describe, but I never got the chance to ask him. I know how this feels, I have three kids of my own. I loved this and I am book marking it!!! -
this is stunning... it's sweet simplicity shines
i don't have children myself so haven't experienced this type of love... i've tried to picture it though and have to say this poem is exactly how i would feel if i were a parent. wonderful presentation too
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that was such a sweet write. absolutely beautiful. i'm captivated by the essence you words leave in the mind and heart. i could cry. much love.
--Rianna
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Awwwwwwww..this is tremendous, heart-felt expression of daddys love for his "baby girl" I was my daddys baby girl and I was going to say, a long time ago, but as you have made me realize...I always be his little girl..thanks for sharing your love and pure joy straight from the heart....love seeing it from a dad's perspective....so often we hear and see of a moms love...this was refreshing...and you did a great job conveying this emotional love....
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I love this poem so much you do not even know. The love for your little girl is wonderful and so well wrote. I could not think of a better way to let someone know just how much they mean the you by writing it down. I even cryed a little. Well done.
Please read "daddy don't cry" and let me know what you think. -
Wow, I wish my dad would write poems about me like that. Just kidding. I'm sure you have a special bond with your daughter like I have with my dad, no matter how old you or her get.
It's really good to see a poem with a lot of joy and hope in it. I'm glad you wrote about what you did. Thank you for the great read.
"M"
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wow! thank you for entering with this very powerful love filled write, the love you have for your child just oozes out of this and i am sure that many can compare this feeling with the very powerful love we have for our children, good luck in the contest with this fantastic write
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This truly touched me. My daughter will be 29 this year and just served 6 yrs in the Navy. My son will be 26 and has a child of his own. Its those memories of them as children that keep us sane at the times when we are frustrated and caught up in every day life. The are forever inscribed in our hearts.
A beautiful piece.
Soulful Woman -
A Frozen Memory
You captured a snapshot with this poem better than any camera. I have two daughters of my own and rememember being so mesmerized watching them sleep in their cribs. There is something so peaceful about an infant sleeping. I wish I would have written a poem like this for my kids. Nice Job! mattharris
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very sweet and sentimental. I wrote a poem called, Grandpaman" that you might like...I think I wrote one about being a new baby...from the child's perspective that you might like also. Children are very inspiring. The sorrows as well as the joy.
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This is an amazing poem. I have never read it before... It was BC ~ Before Cheryl
I think all moms and dads have had moments like these sometime during a childs life. You just put this "Marked Moment" in writing. I know how many times I have sat and watched Katie sleep after a "bad" day, and wondered so many private thoughts. Great job!
Cheryl
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A friend linked this poem to me, and I thought she was being merely overdramatic when she said it was heartwrenching. But my eyes were certainly watering by the end. Wonderful poem--fantasic job.
~I find this kind of interesting: you wrote this poem (well, perhaps not wrote, maybe just posted it) on my 13th birthday.~
~Kaia
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Oh I here I sit with tears in my eyes. I know these tender moments for as you know I have just had a precious angel baby myself and she is more gorgeous than words can say, but I can imagine how quickly she will grow up. She is so small right now, but she will be big one day and all too soon she will leave the nest just as we all do. Its quite sad really, but something very special too.
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Checked this wonderful poem out before.
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critical
this was truly beautiful. I have no other words to describe how this made me feel. Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
BEAUTIFUL
This is such a wonderful heartfelt poem. It is what poetry is all about. Very few poets have your gift. I write for my own pleasure. I only started writing last month and already I feel so at peace with myself. I'm your age and have so many feelings and memories to put in a poem. Many of my poems are about real people I have known the past fifty years. The poem I entered in your contest is about the things my mom always said. Thanks for commenting on it. It can never compare to your poem, but I'll keep trying. I ;m done fiddling with it.
Another member advised on a couple things so I changed it, but I'm done now. Thanks again and take care, Sandra -
This is so absolutly beautiful and deserve all the claps and more. How precious you can write these words as you do. Touches my heart as this shows yours.
Love,
Rene' -
This is a great poem about the love of your daughter- to you she'll always be a little girl I love the whispering to her in her sleep and the tenderness of this piece- well done
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And thank YOU for actually commenting
Holy crud you got a lot of applause on this! I think I can see where it comes from though, because this is an amazing piece. I keep thinking that you're leaving poetry for prose, and then you get right back into the wondrous description and beautiful images. That is the magic of well-written free-form poetry. With a daddy like you, I'm sure the angels will always watch over her.
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Touching
I imagine this is how my father felt when they first got me. Of course he was killed when I was 12, didn't get to see me graduate high school, or college, or get married, and divorced. But he's with me all the same, and thank you for writing this to remind me. Brought tears to my eyes but not bitter ones. Beautiful, heartfelt, and simply wonderful. -
WoW wOw WoW, This is utterly fascinating, The first stanza made me think it was about a girlfriend or wife, Then with the seconds stanza reveling that it is about your daughter, Man this is so beautiful, You have an amazing way with words, Keep up the fantastic work, ThanX for sharing this.
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wonderful
Awwwwww. I love children especially babies. How I long to be a Daddy someday. Great poem. I loved it. -
Excellent! A pleasure to read!
Just wanted you to know how much I enjoyed reading this poem! Marked moments are magic moments..ones which replenish our spirit each time we remember them. I wish you many more magical moments! clapping loud and long
<3 Maureen
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Tears were in my eyes as this beautiful poem unfolded into a story that touched my heart. It started me thinking about how nice it would be if more fathers were as in-touch with their feelings and could share with their children. This is wonderful.
~M~ -
masterfull
God that was such a magical work, it brought tears to my eyes. Such love and tenderness are expressed in this, the eternal caring of a father. The man becomes a child through his love. this is just a masterfull write. I am so glad that I read it. Thank you for shairing what must have been a very personal moment, and for doing it so well. -
MAGNIFICENT!
Whoa...i came to the favorites to look for great poems and found and amazing one! I can't beleive it...this is one of the poems I've ever read. Congratulations, you have a wonderful gift. I'm glad so many people applauded your owrk. Now i must do the same!!! -
Uber Ginormous Hug
This is such a sweet and utterly wonderful poem! The emotions you put into it almost made me choke up! You put a little more than a tiny bit of your soul into this pieace, and I applaud you for it! This is just...amazing! -
great
wow ! thats a real bring a lump to throat(in a good way) peice of work. brilliant ! -
WONDERFUL!!!!
I loved it. This is beautiful it has so much emotion it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing. -
it starts out well, but then falters in the end as the poem descends into rather trite sentiment and cliche. The beginning was great though.
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Did I comment on this already, if not, let me do so. If I did, let me do it again. I love it!!! This is wonderful. I love it so much. I see why it is running at the top of the highest applauded and highest viewed of the week. What an incredible write. Cheryl Kudos and applause.
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That was incredible! It was so well-written! There was a lot of passion behind it. You have such a talent! Keep up the excellent work! Four thumbs up!
~TheTrickster -
Hi there! Amazing write, as you can obviously tell by the crowd's response! This was awesome... I can tell that you have a talent for description... you didn't fill the write with too many useless adjectives, or not enough, you did a really great job with that, which is tough to accomplish. I absoloutely enjoyed this write, and am proudly giving it an a+!
A great job for the runner.
-Britny -
Incomparable
This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing, I don't even have the words to describe the way your beautiful poem made me feel or how it echoes the love I feel for my baby boy. -
woah.....i cant.... this....its just....WONDERFUL!!!!
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wow, that was really touching. I loved it. I think my mom feels the same way about me growing up. THanks for sharing! Good write!!!! Cheers, Daniel.
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a very moving piece that evokes tender emotions from the readers (my goodness, I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many applauses for a poem!) well written and enjoyable to read.
~travis
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sobs
This is the most beautiful... I mean, wow... I ... er...
sobs -
my breath i completely taken away by th writting...the wording, flow subject and om goddess how heartlft and beautiful this poem trully is. it actually made tear flow from my eyes. you are so incredbly gifted and i am in bended knee honor of you. keep that outstanding writtin flow
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came back to re-read this again and marvel at how much a child can mean to some, in a world of so often bitter, and abuseful parents, I can see that her birth had a profound effect on you just as the birth of my own son touched me deeply as well, all the best to you and her, and may all your years be filled with hher and her gifts of children to come...Artis
Edited on Jun 09, 12:28 because ''. -
This is dope. I mean, this is simply wonderful. I know that you will win this contest. This poem truly workss. Keep up the good work and God bless you too. You have a wonderful day. Peace and love. I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work. By the way, good luck in that contest of yours
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excellent
excellent excellent excellent!!!
great job -
Wow!
This was AWESOME! At first I thought it was about a sleeping lady, a partner, but then it made the transition to being about a father watching over his sleeping infant, the transition made with impact. THEN it made the transition of being a memory and the reader realizes the "baby" is now grown...fabulous poem. -
*controls urge to scream aww* That was such a sweet poem and it was still very poetic. A great piece that could only come from a person who had actually experienced the moment.
Edited on Jun 09, 9:19 because ''. -
EXCELLENT
wow, this was amazing. this was a poem of a caliber that only a father could write, keep up the good work. -
Only a loving daddy could pen something this beautiful this sentimental. your love shows and shines through. Very best luck in the contest.
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It is so very beautiful, as the love held for our children. Wonderful poem!
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wonderful
This is the most beautiful words from daddy to his dother as i ever read . Anna -
This so beautiful, I bet your daughter is very happy that your her Dad.Saddie23
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I'm getting old....too many things move me to tears. This one did it. I have a daughter with special needs. I remember thinking thoughts like yours when she was younger. When she was two years old, she got viral encephalitis, which resulted in brain damage. That was eleven years ago. She will never marry, or have children, or drive, or read, or....... But still I remember the times like you did. I still hope that someday there will be a cure for the seizures that take over her body and steal her mind day after day. Thank you for such a wonderful write, and sharing a window to your life. Cheryl
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perfection
i really lost for words with this work .saying it is good or perfect doesnt seem to give it the due it deserves.excellent write here this is a gem ! -
i'm sitting here awed by the beauty and love in this write!! magnificent!! good luck-- and best wishes
Edited on Jun 11, 1:04 because ''.
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