I went to the doctor yesterday
and he said yes this is
caused by stress and yes,
your life is a mess
and i said what can i do
and he said stop writing
poetry and
i said
yes,
Author notes
If anyone tells me to correct the punctuation or capitalisation I shall be very upset; and will be forced to realise the poem did not have the effect it was intended. Upon the complainers at least.
Written June 5th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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I don't understand.
I like the poem, but I don't understand it.
I may not be getting the effect you intended,
but I love it! -
Cute
I think this is a cute and light hearted poem about a very serious subject and gave me a smile as big as Texas.
Thank You and Be Blessed
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yeah... all i'm saying is yeah...
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good
Hmmm... Odd little write you have here. Good none-the-less, however odd it may be. Nice write.
Hell Angel
Edited on Nov 14, 7:19 p.m. because 'efg'. -
ek.
Hm. -
What are you talking about you said yes, you won't write poems anymore that makes no sense because you have like two more after this. Don't write you won't do something if you do it afterwards, it's just well, stupid. I did not get this poem at all, how does your doctor know you write poems in the first place and don't doctors want their patients to write and read and stuff like that? That was a really not bad but stupid poem, please research what you are saying before you say it.
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just realised i never actually commented on this poem. I disagree with what 'JoshMan' said about you using the form on a longer piece; it simply woould not be as effective &I daresay that is your intention. The mid-sentence ending of this poem, the whimsically illogical irony of its entire concept &the intentionally contrived-sounding full rhymes and internal rhymes would only be so effective &of the character that would raise a smile if used in a short poem like this. I think it is imposible not to like this poem, as it is anecdotal in its quality, but I also sympathise that no-one seems to've taken such a strong interest in your meatier, far more insightful &doubtless better poems {&I bet that, you too, lament this}. Possibly not enough people understand them
P
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This is so great! wow! Yeah, i think its funny that doctors say u are sick because u are too stressed, and u ask waht u can do and they are like...ummmmm. okay, mabe that's just my doctor. well, it made me laugh. well done!
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I aint clever! Or a bastard. Or little.
Actually, I am clever, but not the other two. -
Tisk, tisk. I see you are not following the doc's orders if he told you to stop writing yesterday and you wrote this poem anyway.
Clever little bastard, aren't you? Short, sweet, and to the point. Me likes. -
I really hope that isn't true..lol..because you shouldn't follow someone elses lead plus your a neat writer infact this one was even creative of how you explained it! Keep wrting!!
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why did you say yes? i would have clocked him one in the jaw.
This is a backwards little piece. It reads like one long running thought and ends nicely with a breathy sigh. "yes"....i like that.
janeX -
Actually Spider, the doc was right. Give it up and let somebody else shine for a minute.
This was a fun read. The comma is perfect.
Brian -
this poem made me smile... a lot because its so funny and so true... we write to relieve stress and i'm not always sure if it works... because how many of us feel better after writing a new poem? personally i think it just worsens my self-esteem. lol but to me this poem was an oxymoron, because it was brilliant amazing write.
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Dr., Dr., sorry, sorry I could never give up my writing. I would rather give up my Dr., Dr. lol. no way, I would be in more stress if I gave up my writing. cute lil poem well done
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Given the complete lack of any punctuation/capitalization/whatever throughout the poem I'd regard that final comma as quite significant. Why not a full stop? My interpretation of that would be to say that a comma leads you to expect another stanza beginning with 'but,' that details all the reasons why poetry is so fantastic etc. The fact that this doesn't happen gives the whole thing quite a pessimistic tone, as if despite your best efforts there just isn't anything more to be said.
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flowy
what do you mean youy said yes to stop writing poetary your writing it now arent you but anyway i think it rocks i like the fact taht if you start reading it aloud you cant stop until its done it just works i think that it rocks and that you should use this form on a longer poem a see how that all urns out so keep writing from :JoshMan -
So simple... Personally, not my cup of tea, but it's a nice, little concept. I'm drawn to the simplicity of this piece. Can't really explain why, but i am. I like the abrupt ending,
"and he said stop writing
poetry and
i said
yes,"
Kinda leaves you hanging, lingering thoughts. The irony of you taking in his advice so quickly, so submissive. Then here you are, back again.... Hmmmmm.... Maybe i change my mind. It is an enjoyable write. Thanks for sharing ^_^
..Moo.. -
my mom once said that i was becomming depressed because my poetry was deep. well, i didnt think i was, and i wasn't because i was letting all my feelings out in poetry, momsgotta be safe, so she took me to a psyciatrist, so now i have to go back, but if anyone told me to quit poetry, i would strangle them (not literaly). anyhow, i liked the poem, good job!
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lol,very werid poem.Funny to!I'd like to see some more like these.and your right,we both write differently!but we still have a passion for writing!great write!keep it up ^_^
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Ah, you should sue for malpractice, on the mind...well if people sue for making them fat, then why not sue for a dysfunctional mind. You made me stupid!!! So I'm going to...er...what's that word again? yeah...great little piece.
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Interesting....yesterday the doctor said stop writing poetry and you said yes... but here is it is: a poem. This poem has a mystery sort of feel to it.... what is "this is" that is causing the stress and why would not writing help to alievate the messes in your life. This has a melancholy feel to it.
It flows really well straight through my brain and off the tongue.
peace and love
Susan
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I loved the rhyming in this piece. At first, I thought maybe you were going to rhyme the hell out off the word yes... but then the rhyme stopped. Poof, just like that. And it was so great and effective...
sheeze. You have yourself a very nice piece here.
"and i said what can i do
and he said stop writing
poetry and
i said
yes, "
how strange is that! Stop writing poetry. Pfffffht.
This is a great poem. Interesting style and technique- I loved the non-capitalization... it made it less... formal, in a way.
awesomeness. -
I would get a second opinion from another doctor. Some people write BECAUSE of stress and the way their life is.
Short and quick piece.
Thanx for sharing.
Rodney -
Turn your head and Caugh eh? well those doctors can be a bitch. fun stuff though, not really funny, but interesting... i ike the fact that it really doenst make sence... it makes me happy.
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Well, the poem is in the past tense but at the end it seems to be in real-time. The suddeness of how you heed the doctors advice. For me, the meat of this poem brought up the "mess" in my own life and all the things surrounding it. On one level it's optimistic, because after all this was yesterday, and today you're writing again. It seems to second guess itself, and then fold back in upon itself when it ends so suddenly- as if your life were a poem, and when the poetry stops so does the forward motion of things. It's picked up again, but then it tumbles. It's actually pretty sad, like a suicide note. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it. After all, I like this poem for it's ambiguity. Rather than take the reader to a specific place, it sets up the situation for the reader to take their own meaning from the poem.
Jess -
Just out of interest, what emtions did you feel were conveyed here? Or any other meaning you got from it?
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This is great. I like the assonance; the whole poem just flows off the tounge. As far as content, I like like the use of simple words to convey these emotions. It creates less of a barrier between the reader and the intended feeling. Good ending. The doctor's probably wrong.
Jess -
Well, it wasn't really supposed to be funny...
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Smiling here !!!! It is a good poem, how's that? lol
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