She stepped into the pool of blood
Surrounding her bed
Flicked back her hair
Messed out of place
She let the warmth
Seep through the gaps inbetween her toes
Taking in every bit she can
Into her system
She watches the blood
Swirling
And rising
The deep sensuous colour
Almost giving her an orgasmic chill
She then crashed to her knees
And began to drink the voluptuous liquid
Seeping it in
As her brother lay dying on the bed she just left
The blood dripped from his head onto the pool of blood on the floor
And as she drank
She felt his blood becoming alive once more
Inside of her
She screamed
Blood dribbling down her chin
She kissed her brother on the forehead
And licked his lips
With more care than she had given when she had killed him
She left a blood-stained lip-stick mark on his head
She sucked the last of the blood from the floorboards
And flew out of the window
Glass crashing all around her
And she struck the ground with such a bang
And that was it
A waste of lives
She was stung by the bitterness of revenge
And now
She lay
Bleeding, as her brother was
Beginning to
Slowly
Get
Colder
C
o
l
d
e
r
Author notes
Written June 4th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Calling All Creatures Of The Night!!!! (Prewrites allowed) by MissBHaven.
300 points, ended July 11, 2004, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Yeah, I've always had a soft spot for the word orgasmic, I dunno why, I don't like erotica...
Thanks for your comment
Amberle xoox -
i love the images, like the lipstick mark and the scream...and i always love the use of the word orgasmic. teehee nice job here ^.^
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Sorry i couldn't fix this before you judged the contest. Thanks for the points for the honourable mention I appreciate it.
(The word was supposed to be Beggining, Im sure I spell checked this poem, I always do, ....weird!)
Oh well, great contest, and thanks again
Amberle xoox -
Hey hon,
Thank you for entering the contest, but I need you do something before I do the judging. I think you have a typo and I would like you to change it and the tell me it was changed, I cannot judge this til' this is changed and I would like to judge it Sunday.
She lay
Bleeding, as her brother was
Begginging to
Slowly
Get
Colder
The bold word, what is that suppose to be??? Begging or Beginning?
I hope you can get that changed before Sunday!
I love this piece.
~C.J.~
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Bloody good :p
Well il start with sayin i think this poem is simply great. Repeated use of 'She' can be viewed as a strengthening of the (albeit grotesque) femininity of the character.
I particularly liked the first stanza wherein 'she' displays a psychotic coolness (or coldness ) , fixing her hair while not bothering about the pool of blood.
Another theme which comes out of the poem is of blood and sexuality where words such as voluptuous and sensuous are used as description.
All in all , i really like this poem.
Edited on Jun 27, 3:25 p.m. because ''. -
...and you wouldn't fly away, right? raises eyebrow This was rather interesting, made me feel a bit creeped out. But that's a good sign of your writing ability! Great use of vocab. Keep trying on that unpersonal stuff, I know you can do it =)
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Teehee, thanks lostinhell, I'm glad you liked it, thanks for messaging!!
Amberle xoox -
Extravagent
!!!WOW!!! I haven't ever read a poem anybetter in a dramatic way than this one, very nicely writen....
Great Write...
Dea* -
hey avampireslament, I don't usually write poems like this, I was in a twisted mood at the time when I wrote this, and it just kinda came out. It was the first poem I'd written like this before, I guess I'd written some twisted ones about how much I hate my brother, but yeah... this is the first of my kind, I quite enjoyed writing it, I might write some more. I'm glad it brightened up your day and that you liked it
Thanks for messaging
Amberle xoox -
heya andyharper. She wasn't neccessarily a vampire, as I said to nicolisis, "Even though it wasn't about a vampire, I kinda had the image of one in my head while I was writing it" but yeah. I'm really glad you liked my poem, even though you're not a huge fan of the genre, thanks for messaging
Amberle xoox -
Hey nicolisis
I'm glad you liked it. Even though it wasn't about a vampire, I kinda had the image of one in my head while I was writing it. Thanks for messaging
Amberle xoox -
mmmm smiles this does brighten up my day... drinking the blood though... i wish i could ... right now but ... anyways this is a great write... I enjoyed reading it keep up the gore and blood ... writes... sighs its almost time
.
..avampireslament -
"conveyed a lot of unseen emotion" heehee, I like that
Thanks for messaging, and I'm glad you liked it monkyLover07
Amberle xoox -
. . . Wow. . . . This is scary, creepy. . . . I'm not a big fan of the vampire poems, but every once in a while, I'll come across a really good one. This was very creative, and it held my attention to the very end. Every line left me craving the next line and the next, craving to hear/read more, just as a vampire craves blood. . . . This was very creative. Keep writing.
~Andy -
This is very interesting. Good job,and your background is unique.
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Loved it!
I loved this! Very morbid and gothic, reminded me of a vampire. Loved it! Luv Niky xx -
Though it is a tab bit creepy, it's a good poem. It was written exceptionally well, and conveyed a lot of unseen emotion. You could feel hate for your brother..Very good write.
Conni
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THis is great write. I can feel this work. You have put a lot in there t o make a perfect creation. Now I can call it a very good piece. Anyway, Keep up the good work. I just can't stop congratulating people whenever the do something great. I guess my time here is up but before I go, I want you to know don't stop bringing this wonderful work to the table. I wish you luck in your next writing and God bless you too. You have a tremendous day
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This was written extremely well, not exactly my style, but I do enjoy a good write and this was very good.
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mwahahahahahahahaha
erhem, yeah, thanks for messaging
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ws
qwes craZY CHICKI! -
haha, thaaaaanks faith very refreshing, I do love a spot of old blood drinking, mwahahahahaha
erhem...
I don't really know where this poem came from, it just happened, haha!!!
Amberlexoox -
chilling...
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well thanks llennett...this was...refreshing...nice job!
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