Gaze Up Not Down
Gaze no more upon the ground
Where foot on dirt trample down
Crushed and broken, cracked and scarred,
For life's destroyed where life is hard.
There the serpent slithers about
Casting shadow, darkness and doubt
Poisonous venom and piercing bite
Of dangerous discontent and fatal fright.
Gaze up into the brightened sky
Where eagles soar and winged birds fly
Unhindered and floating upon a healing breeze
For there hope is made and dreams glide free.
There the angels sing their melodies
Bringing luminance, joy and tranquilities.
Reviving medicine, mending hearts
With courageous wills that their song imparts
Gaze no more upon the earth
Where only pain and sorrow give lifeless birth
To a hopeless existence with only death's reward
With dredging days descending aimlessly onward.
There the insects crawl and creep along
Where the days are severe and nights are long.
No hope nor light is ever seen.
Only darkness and death reign supreme.
Gaze into the heavenly domain
Where the Lord Almighty reigns
Giving hope by his love and might
Removing all trembling fright.
There His Love encircled go
Passing freely to and fro
Embracing the helpless child sadly dying
Breathing new life into the soul and reviving.
Author notes
I'm not happy with some of the lines and some of the rhymes. Suggestions would be welcomed.
Written June 4th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Open Contest for All. by requiemofdreams.
300 points, ended July 15, 2004, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
Just so beautifully written!
-
Thank you for this poem..after last night this really helped me...Helen
-
Thank you for the wonderful comment. I'm glad it uplifted you.
Luminance is a word.
luˇmiˇnance
Pronunciation: 'lü-m&-n&n(t)s
Function: noun
the quality or state of being -
I am amazed by the depth of this poem. You have this underlying message of hope beyond all of the visuals. Reading this is tantamount to saying "Trust in God and soar freely without any fear of falling." I don't write that many spirituals, but it always uplifts me to read them. I enjoyed the mellifluous flow of this poem as well, although some of the shorter lines could've stood to be lengthened to make the stanzas more even. Oh, and there is a word that I think you used in the wrong context: "luminance", as far as I know, is not an official word, so I think what you would want to substitute in its place is luminescence. Otherwise, I have nothing further--this poem is beautiful. You being Christian, if you plan on reading anything of mine, you would probably like those in the collection "Praises Toward Heaven" than anything else.
Take care, and may God continually bless you.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
-
Thank you. It's great to receive such postive feedback. I worked on this one more so than some of my writes.
-
Awesome
You have no idea how amazing this poem was! You know what it's all about my friend, you know what it's all about and that is awesome! This poem touched me in such a way that you have no idea how much i adored it. It was truly awesome you should be proud of yourself for this amazing work that you have done it's truly amazing! It speaks from the heart and captures people's souls. Great write! Please continue writing! -
This is a very inspiring write.
Gaze up into the brightened sky
Where eagles soar and winged birds fly
Unhindered and floating upon a healing breeze
For there hope is made and dreams glide free.
I love that. I love the image it creates and the feeling of being truly free of the world's cares at last. Great job! Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
-
AWSOME!!!! This is one of the better poems I have read in awhile and I must tell you that this was beautifuly written and has a good message to it. Good luck in the contest I hope you win
-
I noticed you are in the same contest as I am so I decided to read what you entered..and I am glad I did so...This is yet another beautiful write..not just the words and how it is written but also what it really says...I love the fourth stanza..the mention of angels is always a favorite for me...great write and good luck in the contest...
~~Kristy -
I am not a religious person in any way and neither did I think it would end in it talking about god. But i did think it was nicely written and a lot of thought was put into writting it.
"To a hopeless existence with only death's reward"
That line made me think though, that death really is an award in its own right. You finished something, everything has its end, and now you get to see what is left to come. Great job and keep writing.
-Requiem of Dreams -
This is an amazingly beautiful poem. I agree with lost-boy...this is very inspiring; especially with how you tied God in here. Great job.
~elizabeth -
This is a gorgeous piece. Very inspiring. You did a fine job here. I like it a lot. I thank you for sharing it. You have a wonderful day and may God bless and Protect you too. Keep on rolling and keep them coming. You know what I mean. ........................................................................
............................................................peace ............. and ............ love -
I think you gave a good effort- I'd have to sit and read it longer to give any deeper critical points, though.
I do like the theme- makes me think of praying!
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
4 old applause
