Cold blue steel on the altar before me.
She calls.
Taunting me with smooth, oily curves
and elegant lines that wink under soft candlelight.
She promises peace,
restful sleep for the eternally weary.
Six wonderful chambers beckon me
and make promises for all those I have broken,
and all those yet to come.
Gripping wood, I savor the delicious weight,
the bittersweet burden,
of my .38 caliber Savior.
Give me peace.
Give me sleep.
I aspire to paint abstract art upon yellowed plaster walls.
Spray sticky red and bland grey matter.
My ultimate expression.
In the corner,
the Guru weeps softly.
Author notes
Written June 4th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I... love... this... poem... I have never read something so dirty, but so beautiful.. man.. I dont even really have any words to speak, but I wont give you a crappy comment.. let me just tell you.. some of these words were just mind boggling deep when put together, and so hard hitting to me..
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Okay, that is all that I can say after this. I am dumbfounded after reading this.
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Cold
blue
steel,
on the altar
before me.
She calls,
taunting me
with smooth
oily curves
and elegant lines
winking,
under soft candlelight
promising peace
and restful sleep
for the eternally weary.
Six wonderful chambers
beckon me,
and make promises
for all those
I have broken,
and all those yet
i love this dark stuff
*matt* -
I could picture all this, a very awesome job indeed.
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Tell me what you really think. Thanks for being honest, though. I however, disagree about one word lines being pointless. It was intended to be abstract.. I thought the imagery was clear. When you are in this state of mind, things aren't going to make sense to someone who isn't.
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Chock full of abstractions and bad enjambement. Change the spacing (longer lines, please! one word a line is POINTLESS)and if you need to explain it, the imagery needs to be CLEARER. Give your reader a clue...
Natalie -
excellent
breathtaking piece you have here. absolutely loved the mood and the horror you depicted quite eloquently for such a deep moment in your mind. that dark place that feels like home to so many of us. excellent writing, i'll be looking for more. take care, now -
Very beautiful indeed. I like how you used Guru for God. Excellent piece!
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this is amazing hun... truly amazing. Very visual and just... wow... Bravo
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good
this seemed ok. i liked the way you used things in the story to represent other stuff. This poem had a lot of good imagry. keep up the good work -
dude....i just read this in a different context...(yahooka)
if this isnt great writting i don't know what is... -
very dark indeed....graphic...musta come from a dark place
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Just a gun in this case. The altar is symbolic, and the Guru is God.
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A knife and a gun? I like the imagery it creates. It brings a very vivid picture to my mind. Standing in a big church, a knife resting on the altar, rooms spread out around. A man crying in the corner because he can't stop you. And you, with a gun in your hand, preparing to take the next step in life. Very nice. Very dark.
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