It hits the ground with a flash of light.
From the cloud of rain.
It makes you go insane.
The flash might be a fright.
It might come with some rain or maybe some hail.
In the spring it is the worst.
It can destroy a forest.
It dances across the sky.
It will light up your night.
Author notes
Sami
A contest entry
- PRE-WRITES GALLORE ~!~!~! by Naridill.
800 points, ended January 31, 2008, 138 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 30 words or less/20 entries...Inspirational by mysticstorm.
600 points, ended February 3, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES! ROUNDS CONTEST!!! by Luminescence.
525 points, ended March 23, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Nicely written... Nature's beauty can't be expressed that easily with mere words...but you have done it beautifully here...
Good write...
Love
-Kiddy
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Beautiful words for the wonder of an amazing thing in nature...it is all this and more...I love the comfort of it and it's beauty...
Thank you for entering! -
powerful
Describes well the power of a lightning storm. Creates a vivid picture. The rain/insane rhyme seems a bit forced to me. "might" also makes the next line a bit weak. The repetitive "it" in the last three lines could be changed to add a bit more variety to the piece. -
Simple but beautiful - your phrasing is delicate and the imagery stunning for a simple write. Nicely done.
Thanks for entering,
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This reminds me of a story that my dad told me; he said that when I was little and my cousin was experiancing her first thunderstorm and was scared out of her mind, I went up to her and her mom and said sweetly, "Don't worry the thunder can't hurt you..." then I say loudly and scarily,"But the lighning will KILL YOU!!!"
Ok, time to tear this apart... I know I am mean. Don't take my advice if you don't like it, otherwise it will turn into something completely diffrent than what you started with.
On the fifth line at the end, did you mean hail?
The title is also spelled wrong, it is lightning.
um... somehow this doesn't quite flow right. You just put a bunch of facts and thoughts together. And you always use the word "It" to discribe lighning.
Ok. I think that is all for now.
~Kquilono -
Stormy. Clouds eat the sky.
Thunder cracks the whip
While lightning laughs light.
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Lightening is so wonderful. A lot of people are scared of lightening, but it just fascinates me. I could watch it for hours. Thanks for entering this in the contest, and good luck to you.
becca
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