Thoughts confuse and cloud my mind
Searching parameters that are not outlined
Pondering fragments, searching for signs
Reading the signals that seem intertwined
Grasping at shards, seeking the truth
Another case that I must now sleuth
My mind is fuzzy and my brain is mush
Wondering out loud in a frantic rush
Veins protruding from my head and neck
Surely they will explode in a terrible wreck
Heart is pumping, straining at a hectic pace
Surely the anguish is plain upon my reddened face
Grant me the wisdom to solve this problem
To find the pieces before me and connect them
One big problem it seems that is life’s requiem
No illumination anywhere life seems starkly dim
Entropy is everywhere and my fate awaits with him
Author notes
Another from this warped brain pan.
Written June 1st, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Careful with that acid, you will have holes in your jeans if you spill it.....lol. Once again you are entirely too kind with your great comments, I have these brain spasms every once in a while and these writes seem to force their way out. I also like to write so that helps a little....lol, oh and I have an hour commute to work and home each day so there is plenty of time for thought. I cant say thank you enough on the comments you made, I remember reading a book that had Entropy in it and thought how cool. I had to use it in a write just to satisfy myself.....lol. Thank you for reading through this write and take care.
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awesome
stares at the picture and wishes she'd popped some acid recently Ooops, sorry I'm supposed to be reading a poem, right?
I think your word choice was excellent. Good rhythm and unforced rhyming, this flowed smoothly. It was an eye opening and mind numbing read. Really good show of emotion, and use of imagery.
Also, personifying Entropy was an excellent way to summarize and close the poem. -
Thanx feedmephish, I thought the picture went well with this write as well, seeing its chaotic nature I thought it appropriate. I appreciate you dropping in and having a read through this write. You are quite welcome for the sharing part as I do thank you for leaving feedback. Take care.
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i loved the use of the picture above the poem, it made use of not only written words, but also tapped into our more visual minds. your poem was fun and interesting to read as you described the enorpy in your chaoic mind. thanks for sharing.
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Thank you MuseStalker for you lovely comment on this write and the other comments left about it as well. I do appreciate you stopping in and looking it over. It is always nice to have you critique one of my writes. Chaos doth rule my being......lol, no just kidding but I was feeling a little chaotic at the time but I think it has passed now and I shall be better. I am glad you hit the tri-poetic pot and found another poet to read. Thanx and take care.
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fascinating & powerful
This was an adventure down the rabbit-hole of your mind during a brainstorm, I think.
It was wonderfully chaotic...the words and sounds echoing the meaning perfectly. I generally pay little attention to other folks comments on a poem, but - in this case - I'm certainly glad that I did. I have enjoyed not just one poem with my trip to this site today, but three! What a treasure trove I happened upon. I so enjoyed the journey through your mind's eye....and have found a new poet I must read more of as well. And, as for my two-cents' worth re: the repetition debate, I think asking poetry to conform to rules kills it. When it works, it works. And, when it doesn't, you know it. Yeah....not very helpful, eh? 
Ah, well. Never claimed to be an expert. Just plodding along behind my Muse....picking up the crumbs she drops in passing. 
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Tess I do appreciate you dropping in and having a go at the write. I got the impression that a miniture tornado absorbed with knowledge veered right through the middle of my page....lol. You and Sunny Dudley both picked up on the reddened part alertly but yall missed the plane as I had it spelled. Figured I would fix that too while I was in there....lol. Ah but I do appreciate you reading through it and I didnt mind at all you posting the poem on my page though I havent gotten to read it yet I shall soon do that. Thank you for your comments and you have a good evening.
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ahh, here is the poem I was really looking for when I said the thing about repeating words. it wasn't on any of the usual sites so I had some trouble finding it and I couldn't remember the name of the poem either so I had to quote a few phrases and search for them in google, but anyway, here it is
In My Dreams
In my dreams I am always saying goodbye and riding away,
Whither and why I know not nor do I care.
And the parting is sweet and the parting over is sweeter,
And sweetest of all is the night and the rushing air.
In my dreams they are always waving their hands and saying goodbye,
And they give me the stirrup cup and I smile as I drink,
I am glad the journey is set, I am glad I am going,
I am glad, I am glad, that my friends don't know what I think.
by Stevie Smith
hope you like it.
TF -
On the comment by macandrew, yes one should defintely avoid using the same word more than once except if it is used like that for a specific reason eg.
Oh sweet it was to leave them then,
And sweeter not to see,
And sweetest of all to walk alone
Beside the encroaching sea,
The sea that soon should drown them all,
That never yet drowned me.
from Our Bog is Dood by Stevie Smith
"redden" somewhere in the middle of the poem should be reddened I think but overall a very good poem summing up the cluttered state of your mind perfectly.
btw I'm pasting the complete our bog is dood on your authors page, hope you don't mind.
TF -
Im sorry I didnt mean to upset you with this write.....lol, only kidding yes I think you may be right about that part of the poem though it may bring my line further out I think adding the ed to it may make more sense from a grammerical standpoint.
Might I ask what you are huntin them with? Or to what end? Too late I have already stumbled upon your page and had a grand time strolling around the place. At last count I thought you had four sides or that is what one of your writes concluded anyways......Molly, whoa what a darling little bundle of energy!!!!! I havent the foggiest clue as to the makings of a human as I spend as much time as I can with the silicon and circuitry. Thank you for stopping in and having a read or two. Take care. -
Thank you Queen but I thank that rare talent could get me locked up in the looney bin if anyone found out about it.....lol. I appreciate your comment on this write, oops whatch out the picture may draw you right down like a vaccum cleaner........lol. Take care.
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"I'm sure the anguish is plain upon my reddened face", maybe?
I love this write. I am hunting down all the gutsy poets on this site. Don't read mine. Mine is gutless, in comparison. But I have two sides: one evil and one good. Shucks. I guess that makes me a human being, right? Keep up the great work, HammeR. -
amazing
This picture almost sucks you into the poem. Amazing poetry. You have a rare talent. Excellent write. Queen
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Thank you for the comment, I appreciate it. I think the picture does enhance to overall feeling of the write. Once again thanks and take care.
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This was an awesome write! The picture makes it all the better. Bravo!
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Thanks for the suggestions Bohb and macandrew, I think that you two can keep me straight....lol. Well you surely know your poetry and I appreciate you helping me out. I think you got the spelling right kjack, but then again my vocab could use some spicing up. I do appreciate the comments and the help. Thanks for reading and take care.
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very enjoyable
That damn God, Entropy, leading us down the mazes of garden paths. I had been reading some "poetry guidelines" lately and they suggest avoiding using the same word in a poem if possible (discarding refrains of course).
Heart is pumping, straining at a hectic pace
I’m sure the (anguish) is plane upon my redden face
How 'bout something like that?
An enjoyable read.
John -
I think my veins have exploded in my head, but that was when I was in high school. That was the time that I discovered alcohol(not sure if I spelled that right). It was so much more fun to go out and just get sloppy drunk, so I think it was the whiskey and the beer that caused me to blow all my circuits. This was a wonderful poem. Glad to see you back writing more. I enjoy all of your poems.
becca
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Chaos Conundrum
Ah....yes sir indeed! Entropy is everywhere and all of our fates await within that mass of whirling chaos. If you figure out the formula, let me know.
This is an interesting piece -- almost a prayer to the God of Chaos (or simply God -- depending on one's personal belief system)...as the brain races to find a solution to life's big problems.
I would suggest putting commas here:
Pondering fragments, searching for signs
Grasping at shards, pondering the truth
But other than that -- this is well done. Love the title and the artwork -- a nice tie-in to the world of chaos where everything is connected and where, possibly, the key to the Unified Field theory lies....
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