A lovely vision riding in the height,
the moon rose full into my view,
were never planets seen so large and bright.
So large the moon as it ascends at night,
the sky pellucid, pale and blue,
a lovely vision riding in the height.
As free balloons in their transcendent flight,
then walking onward I saw two,
were never planets seen so large and bright.
Their orbits rising, two more in my sight,
four planets shining full and true,
a lovely vision riding in the height.
The planets strung as pearls of glowing light,
the meaning I cannot construe,
were never planets seen so large and bright.
The wand'rers shining to my great delight,
a smile comes to my face anew,
a lovely vision riding in the height,
were never planets seen so large and bright.
.
Author notes
This comes from a dream I had when I was 18.
Written May 29th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Form poetry time! by TheRainKing.
300 points, ended May 30, 2004, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Mina, thank you for your praise. It was a pleasure to help you.
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This is a perfect Villanelle... you've penned it very well... I enjoyed it...thanx for your comments on my poem...
mina -
As most people have said- great imagery. I also enjoyed the way you were 'light' within the form (sometimes formal poetry gets a little bricks-and-mortar) so the whole piece seems to 'tumble' and fall as you read, giving a sensation of travel at great speed.
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Excellent!
I love villanelles and I have to say that this is one of the best that I have read so far. This is due to a number of reasons - I love the imagery and the theme, you describe everything so vividly, it really is magical and dreamy. You write this form very well. Excellent poem
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awesome
This is a beautiful write. I'm not a particularly big fan of villanelle, but I thought this was really good. I love the descriptiveness of it. Must have been a really cool dream. I've had some pretty strange dreams, but none so spectacular as this sounds. Great work, and congratulations on your win! You deserved it.
~Goldmare~
No Jesus, no peace. Know Jesus, know peace. -
Mind-blower!!
Oh My Gosh!!
This gave me shivers up my spine...reminding me of what I wrote ('Pearls for Pearls', 18 years ago); the comet Shoemaker-Levy, when it broke up into a "string of pearls" before crashing into Jupiter, in '94 (?). It also brought a mystical song to mind, sung by Demis Roussos ('70's ?), with a line..."I saw a goddess coming on a star riding high" (as close as I can remember) from a song sent by a late friend in a mixed tape. Goosebumpy stuff...whoah!
~ G
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Is there a form you cannot master?
A truly excellent villanelle. I love this...so beautiful, I felt like I was right there next to you watching the planets ascend. Congrats on the gold!
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Thank you, it was very kind of you to praise my poem. I had written another rhyme and reworked it into this villanelle. My advice: never throw away a poem, they can all be saved.
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Excellent
That is quite interesting that this comes from a dream you had at Eighteen. For, as well, a woman on Dateline NBC television news magazine had a similar dream yet I cannot remember the precise reasoning for her sharing this dream. They say we all have a double and "Great Minds Think Alike". Indeed. This said...I want to add that this poem flows well and is very beautiful.
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Beautiful word use and imagery conjured up here, and the repeated lines work really well, not always an easy thing to do in a villanelle. Congratulations on the gold trophy, very well deserved.
Kat xxxx -
From this write, I imagined looking through a telescope, gazing at many different planets. I use to really enjoy looking at constellations, and planets, when we could see them.. LIke Venus in the summer time. Lovely poem written in one of my favorite forms.
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Almost scary beauty! Only in a dream could it be so, or in a villanelle! Consider what it would mean if in reality such a thing happened! Yikes! --Dee
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to be honest, the eight got on my nerves, but then it is form poetry. JUST ME. Otherwise absolutely beautiful imagery...!!
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What a beautiful dream this must have been. I sure hope you dream in color!!!! I have yet to write a villanelle. I guess I just haven't taken the time to try it yet. This is very beautiful and I have so much respect for you. Beautiful imagary. Cheryl
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