Generational Chinese whispers
Father dies, son dies, grandson dies
But that’s a good thing.
Meanwhile, language decays
Evolving into something nu
Violent, lewd and so exciting.
The grunts of the cavemen
Echo in their stilling silence
And the nu whoop arises;
Burn the dictionaries
And put 10p biros’ to bananas
Author notes
I've included an error in this to see if you can pick it up; as practice for constructive criticism. I hope you are able to find it! (it isn't a mere puntctuation mark)
Written May 29th, 2004
A contest entry
- For The Younger Poets of AP by trueconfession.
500 points, ended June 2, 2004, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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With poems like that I will definitely be reading more of your work! Well done :_)
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The title itself hooked me. I like it, of course you knew it was likable before you posted it
I don't seem to be seeing the mistake. And I don't seem to be getting the 10p biros' . An explanation or more coffee please? Personally, if you hadnt mentioned there was a mistake in the author's notes, I would never even think to look for it, but I am learning to be a more effective critiquer so I would like to know.
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Good poem!
Wonderful poem but I would have to disagree. The language isn't declining - it's evolving. They couldn't stop it in the olden days with Jonathon Swift amd his speech about the decline of English and they cannot stop it now. Language is an ever changing beast with no means of control. Just sit back and watch where it goes.
Purple Otter -
wonder what our language will look like 100 years from now
they manner in which we currently write will probably
appear very olde!
(grin)
enjoyed this anti-poem
~liz -
Whooo whoo whoo whoo whoooo WhooOOO!!!!
grunt grunt -
good fucking poeme...
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I must be truly dense today. I read this twice before even reading your author’s notes and had to go back and read it but a third and fourth time. The only thing I can see as any error on this page is in a spelling, but maybe that was intentional in itself, not as your “test” to the ones that post critiques? Like I said, maybe I am just too darn dense this morning. On the other hand, this is a marvelous piece, declaring how even though we may have a more complex dialect now as opposed to the caveman, we are still primitive in principles. At least that’s what I got out of this one.
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very good
Ahhhh Us the readers are now being tested by the kiddies, see if we pick up their deliberate boo boos, and we better had thus we be scolded. Tell you the truth I didn't notice the simple punctuation error because I was too into reading the poem itself, which also gave me the squirmy uncomfortable feeling.
Desiree
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hum... i didnt understand it but i loved the title just because i dont understand it doesnt mean its not great though oooooo ok i read it over and get it more but not fully i kinda agree w/ thomasj too but not as much i still thinks is an good poem
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lol u always gotta have bananas in a poem
I liked this alot, and it is improvement if u find easier way to spell things..it's progress right.
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Great write, poet.
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I too find it disturbing that language is being turned into butchered meat just for the sake of progress. Shouldn't progress mean improve? anyway, this was a refreshing 'nu' poem. keep it up.
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I had to look it up that word - neologism: new word, usage, or expression - but it also means: a meaningless word coined by a psychotic. I was just wondering to which was being referred
Language is wonderful and should be played with, but I do find it funny that it took us eons to create all these wonderful words only now to chop them up so that there can fit more into every second syllable - does that even make sense?
Overall, really enjoyed your poem.
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A good poem, yes: unduly pessimistic about the decline of language perhaps - while I am pessimistic about certain kinds of moral decline, I feel refreshed by neologism, most of the time. Last line was wonderful, by the by.
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Comment 'simPLe miNDEd by namE and NATURE YeSS
no hiGH five
saBUR' -
I love this! Great poem, I love the language, the style, the sound effects, your phrasings, great job!
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Alas for 'progress' and change. I cringe at the 'new' spellings, the altered grammar and apparently we should all jump on the bandwagon of illiteracy and laziness and accept it all. God help me. Great write.
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Just read your authors comment. Yes, you should be quite proud!
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This was kind of disturbing to me(but in a good way). The subject matter makes me uneasy. The thought of traditions and language being discarded. The way you used "nu" really brought that point home to me. It was an intelligent device.
I love reading your work, because I am glad to see clever subjects. If that makes any sense. -
excellent
A nu language for a nu age. I liked this one very much. This is a welcome deviation from the norm. About time young people found young words for old ideas. WEll written and a good read.
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