Often, late at night, they will come out,
and flash, pop, shatter with limo chatter.
I might be working the corner and wave;
Blond juts out of sunroof, topless, vomits.
Orange County tattooed on her teeth and palms
I miss junk, it would be a time like this to shoot.
Tonight, I'm off, I'm writing about a one eyed pimp
Wheelchair knight-of-no-table -- smoking a blunt.
Gathering the harem of broken product &
Fat bottomed carriers, wigged, painted, dull.
City life burns hotter than hidden stars bother
As I look up, I only see a line of planes.
Man, what I wouldn't give to be with you now
Michelle, I'm sorry I lied -- Orpheus died.
And as I recall my first love through poem
and twisted scenery, trash, this cracked dream.
Simultaneously, another film plays in my mind; Us
Making love behind the Korean church in your Mercury.
Now I pen mad panoramic visions and chaos &
Nova, now I am really lost, a new vampire.
Ignotum per ignotious
Something dead stalking memory.
Something dead finding surrogates
Something altogether frightening.
Author notes
A poem about moving away from the one you love
Written May 27th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Secret Love (Ages 15+) by dark rainbow.
401 points, ended March 7, 2005, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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*PULL!*
you how you sometimes do<? clicking through poems, not really paying attention to the stuff up top like who wrote it, and the title etc? That's what I did here. I was clicking on NEXT IN CONTEST, didn't read who wrote it, just started to read. When I got to lines lines cited by Caducus above, I knew instinctually it was a Horus. No one else has this style, some try to emmulate it, but no one I've seen can do a horus! You ought to have a contest to see who can do the best cover of your style. I know, I know, you as I are too busy getting a recording and publishing career going to host another goofy contest, but if you could, it sre would flush out the Wanna'bees here who want to be you...I'm first in line, #1 psycho-groupie, lurking here at the foot of each of your treasures. That's what this poetic style of your's does for me. You are the new lizard-king, so go get arrested in Florida why dont'cha?
As for this poem, There are no words that could ever fall from my fingers here that could do justice to your talent,style or insight...You are
I just wish I was
Dave
PS Thanks for your words on my Capt. Gusho
PSS- to all who read this comment, I have made my poem title bold in line above to graphically enhance it. This is done as a way to tell you that if you have read this far you are not only required to visit this poem Capt. Gusho which is in a new contest by Horus8, but also to tell you that because I have done this you have no choice in the matter. Your computer will melt down if you do not visit Horus8's contest and read this fine poem Capt. Gusho by Dave Adam.
So what are you going to do?, Will you vist and comment, or do I have to start the melt down process?
Be warned, I start with your porn on your hard drive, then I go to your Ebay account and order tons of Horus8 CDS , which in turn I mail to Republicans in Texas for skeet purposes. -
i had to read this a few times before i actually got the essence of the poem. but by the end of it...i must say well written and i loved your selection of words. very unusual
thank you for entering the contest! -
I loved the word usage and vocabulary in this, as well as the internal rhyming used throughout this piece. I also found it to be a very emotional piece, and if it wasn't meant to be, well, I found that it definitely had emotion. Good luck.
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great!
Now I pen mad panoramic visions and chaos &
Nova, now I am really lost, a new vampire.
Ignotum per ignotious
Something dead stalking memory.
Something dead finding surrogates
Something altogether frightening.
This is a very nice poem, I really enjoyed it. You are a fantastic writer, keep it up.
Thanks for entering my contest.. goodluck!
Blessed Be,
Shadow
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It is interesting what others comment. The fact remains that above everything else this is well written. It always amazes me that if you don't like something, don't read it or if you read it and think you can help the writer do so, but there is no doubt about you being able to conjure up some sharp comments. The fact remains that many people who comment on your stuff probably need to take a slightly closer look at its structure more than the content. Quite frankly though this piece is great and one of the stand outs I have read this morning.
David -
Hollywood.
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interesting write, i think i missed the point of what you wrote. it was all over the place, i'm gonna say good write only because i am so lost i think i have found christmas presents...ok so laterz
ashley -
I know brad... I was merely sniffing your knickers. You know I love you.
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>What kind of nasty accident...? You accidentally forming an >actual sentence, or learning how to spell visualize like an >American instead of a Limey?
For LOL!
The former wouldn't be too bad, I suppose. Although I would consider the latter to be more a disaster then anything else!
Now please hold your horses, Horace. I really admire your poetry and I don't want to get into a tussle with you. The fact that you published a book and that you lost count of all your trophies a long time ago is certainly no mean feat and a sure sign that I'm not your only admirer.
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What kind of nasty accident...? You accidentally forming an actual sentence, or learning how to spell visualize like an American instead of a Limey?
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You are the only poet i know who does russian doll poetry/lyrics. Your work is so adaptable i could pick 4-5 different parts to this which stand as poetry in some form or another, your flexibility nad talent for defining human thought and behaviour is outstanding.
As for the following it's distinctive horus8
City life burns hotter than hidden stars bother
As I look up, I only see a line of planes.
Man, what I wouldn't give to be with you now
Michelle, I'm sorry I lied -- Orpheus died.
And as I recall my first love through poem
and twisted scenery, trash, this cracked dream.
Simultaneously, another film plays in my mind; Us
Making love behind the Korean church in your Mercury.
Fucking mesmerizing, i love ya man ! -
I find Nam's comment rather funny. Especially the bit about the hitting of the Applaud button. I don't know whether it was intended to be tongue in the cheek but somehow I just visualise him sitting with his tongue in his cheek while writing this comment!
Nothing against you Horace, I mean this piece is certainly worth my applaud "twice over" (not that someone so widely read needs my puny little applause. But I suppose it's the principle that counts. I am always a sucker for principles). But I will certainly applaud, while making doubly sure the applaud box is actually "ticked". We don't want a nasty accident to happen again, now don't we! -
Wheelchair knight-of-no-table -- smoking a blunt.
LOL THAT MADE ME ALMOST FALL OUT OF MY CHAIR
good shit dood, the words are nice and edgy and they get to the point without twiddling around prancing through meadows hand in hand with unnecessary metaphors that should just get their asses kickd. people these days man...keep smokin my rockstar brotha
Edited on May 28, 1:06 because 'CUZ I CAN, BEEAITCH'. -
Personally i liked it, i didn't really get it but i liked the flow, the suggestions that Nam gave you are good but i had automatically did that while reading for i tend to "slur" everything together anyways. Life is really like a Hollywood horror. Sometimes it is corny and classic like a 50's horror flick and sometimes it is as graphic as a newer one, one of those really gorey ones i can't watch before i sleep for i dream nothing but nightmares as it is. But i am rambling so all in all it was a good piece and i enjoyed it.
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You are aware that since I've published a book, and
actually work as a writer, and am one of the most read
poets on the site, all of what you say strikes me as no
more than child like jealousy. I would be flattered, and
perhaps even share a bowl with you, if you could just
stop squatting on the bong, and shut the fuck up,
and start smoking.
You are a tad over dramatic for a pot head, wouldn't you say
tiger?
Edited on May 28 because ''. -
Wow, why that's surprising?
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wack
I clicked on this so I feel somewhat obligated to leave a comment. But FUCK what a waste of time.
Some poems just suck no matter who wrote 'em or what they might be about.
Thats the first time I've ever seen some one apologize for an applause. They could have just let it stand but they had to make sure you knew they werent applausing it on purpose because then you would think it was good
Edited on May 27, 9:03 p.m. because ''. -
'Tonight, I'm off, I'm writing about a one eyed pimp' I feel 'one eyed should be
'one-eyed'
'Wheel chair knight of no table -- smoking blunt.'
I feel 'Wheel chair' should be 'Wheelchair'
'Fat bottomed carriers, wigged, painted, dull.'
I feel 'Fat bottomed' should be 'Fatbottomed'
'And as I recall my first love through poem' I feel 'love through' should either be 'love-through' or 'lovethrough'
'Now I pen mad panoramic visions' should be 'panoramicvisions'
The reason why I say that, I feel, and I may be perturbed and a bit weird on this standpoint, is that, the flow flows better I feel with those particular words made as one, whether they are words as one or not.
Oh, I accidently hit the 'applaud' button, I didn't mean to applaud this piece. It's a good piece, and if I didn't find the flow an issue, I more-in-likely would have applauded it, but, I do find a problem with the flow and thus why I wouldn't. But, it's a good piece that you've written.
I was reaching for the Comment? button and accidently hit applaud.
Second time this happened, but, at least between the two accidents this would deserve it moreso than the other - twiceover.
Edited on May 27, 8:12 p.m. because ''. -
Life really is like watching or living a horror film isn't it? This write was quite visual and a treat to the imagination. Great piece!
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And what was the intent?
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Sometimes real life is scarier than any movie Hollywood has every created. My favorite part is the line of planes. Everybody wants to go and be a star only to be lost in the sea of inhumanity. Excellent piece.
Keep writing, I'll keep reading. -
I liked the intention of this poem, I just couldnt really follow it or get into it. Great intent though.
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