The pendulum swings left, then right
Each tick and tock a parasite
That steals my time, gives nothing back
A lying aphrodisiac
The silent stealer takes its toll
Playing its deceiving role
Plying me with thoughts eternal
Heaven’s peace or hell’s inferno
Lulled by its hypnotic swaying
Tick and tock is all it’s saying
Soul and body quickly aging
Life and death, a battle raging
Slowly I slip off to sleep
The shadow comes, what will it reap
Will those gently turning gears
Steal what’s left of my life’s years
Will I waken in the morn
Or will my years remain unborn
Will the clock have won the war
Or will I wake to live some more
Author notes
Not much to say about this - just something we all think about some of the time. Thanks to Gatlianne for confirming the title (I actually got one for a change). And the inspiration for this actually came from a line in Darinana's poem, Brainwash, "Take me under the ticking times swaying." Just love that line.
Written May 27th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Rhyme Time by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended October 12, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
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Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. Tell: 70/100
Concrete Images: 75/100
Metaphor/Symbol/Allusion: 100/100
Originality: 75/100
Meter: 100/100 -
A MARVEL! IT AWES ME. MILES OF SMILES TO YOU. .THANK YOU.
ACCOLADES.
rhymer2000 -
This is Brill, I truly feel that this is one of the best poems that I have read on AP in a long time. I will never look at my clock in the same way again. Well done, you deserve all the applause. Val.
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Very beautiful, alot of really well thought out imagery and alot of emotion in this piece. I really like these two lines here
"My footsteps hit the ground and send echoes around the road.
There is a hand in mine, clutching me with fear." Excellent work.
Much love
S-Zero -
yougoOF!
This is wonderful, Paul! I love your rhyme; It's flawless, simple and eloquent!
Nicely done!
-Reni -
Rarely do I sit and just think about time and the fact that it is all around me, that it IS. This is quite a thought-provoking poem, and I really enjoyed reading it.
Thank you for sharing your work with us!
Take care and God bless.
Sarah Beth -
Oooooh! I like, I like! Very impactive
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very Good
The aphrodisiac set was actualy my favorite part. I like this poem alot. -
ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!! You have a rare talent! GREAT JOB!!! Time...it gets us all! Wow...keep up the fantastic work!
~ADAM~ -
A Step Further
Father Time has grown so old
his hands can't push the time.
His clock has stopped, no time is told,
He's so far past his prime.
The end is here, Time's turn to die.
He is now truly dead.
The end of Time brings a supply
of endless day instead.
Beyond this earth, beyond our sky,
beyond dimensions to tell time by,
in time we all here have to die,
and find ourselves where spirits fly.
Shaped the same as in earth's game
We recognize ourselves the same.
Now made of light, no more to wane,
Our Father now, Eternal God His name!
--Ellis -
nice. one worth bookmarking. love the concluding lines, bring to mind the phrase time waits on no man. catchy rhythm throughout, could hear the tick and tock to the end and beyond.
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wow, just overall awesome. It reminds me of a conversation I had with my mentor once. We were standing outside of the Foucault Pendulum at CU Boulder (state university) and talking about how amazing it was to just watch time swing away, it was almost heart breaking. But then we were like "And to think, we are standing here pondering the loss of time, and just doing so...wasting time."
But wow, brought back some good memories of that ole pendulum. Great job. -
hey I remember the days of oyur lives..not all of us are young uns...LOL... this did remind of that very same thing... and it was a good write...peace to you..shzoosy
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Like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives.
That was from an old soap opera! Just when you think you've heard, all there is to here on a subject, along comes someone like you. Fantastic poem ! -
This has me hearing the ticking and the cranking of the wheels and gears that I grew so accustomed to in my Mom's home hearing the old Grandfather Clock she has.
This is one of those pieces that, while it says what it means and means what it says, it leaves me with thoughts to take along with me after the read. Great rhythm and flow. Much like that tick tocking pendelum
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Slowly I slip off to sleep
The shadow comes, what will it reap
Will those gently turning gears
Steal what’s left of my life’s years
this is my FAVORITE!
really nice and touching.
keep up the good work. -
That steals my time, gives nothing back
A lying aphrodisiac
I'm not quite sure how you are comparing an aphrodisiac (Kind of a sexual subsitute) To the ticks and the tocks of time... Are you taking the sexual reference out and adding how times goes slowly by? Help me, I'm not quite getting it.. I really did enjoy the poem. I actually liked this write even though I'm not a fan of Rhyming poetry. You and Mr. Vertigo are the only poets that use rhyme schemes that I like, awesome job.
CARINO -
Outstanding poem Paul... I think we all should think about that ticking clock and START living!!!
This is awesome! You've got the meter and the rhyme all down perfectly in this! Well done!!! God bless you! Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for sending the link!!!
~Melissa -
Like the thoughts you have penned in these lines - time waits for no man, and just keeps on passing every so steadily on, aging us and giving others a chance for birth. Good rhyme and rhythm, easy to read and understand.
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i love this. it's amaZing. you're really a great writer, at least what i've seen from this piece. agreeing with everyone else here, i would love to see another poem from you. amazing work! also agreeing with everyone else, lol, your ryming is perfect. there's no forced rymes or gaps in it or anything. wonderful wonderful wonderful.
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)(SODARC)(
This poem is absolutely awesome. It is tremendously thought provoking and masterfully written. You have incredible potential as a poet. It reminded me, strangely enough, of Edgar Allen Poe's poem, "The Pit and the Pendulum". I totally loved the lines:
"It steals my time, gives nothing back
a lying aphrodisiac"
and
"Lulled by its hypnotic swaying
Tick and tock is all it’s saying"
Those are some truly great lines. Keep it up!
)(SODARC)(
PS: While )(SODARC)( is the way I always sign off poems, it's also the highest rating that I give poems. Note that I haven't been a member of this site for more than a month and three quarters, so it doesn't count for much. -
the Pendulum swings far to slow for the young and far to quick for the old. Time is mans only preditor... A nice piece to add to your colection. and was well worth the time it took to read
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Nice imagery and powerful thought.
Thanks,
Anne -
brilliant masterpiece
Awesome questions, in the form of verse. They are all well balanced due to some very electric rhyming. I have asked myself many times before the same things~ You have just reached into all our minds with this well written piece of poetic art. You talent is explosive, pure fireworks!!!!...write on!...ennovy
Here's a nice for doing such a bang-up job!!!!
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A fantastic poem. I think that you have something very good going for you here and it (time) is an interesting topic that I never tire of hearing about. After all, it's something that we all have in common, isn't it? Well, your rhythm and rhyme in this poem are superb and I'm very impressed. I especially liked your ending - powerful, witty, interesting, and fun to read.
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thats totaly wonderful
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Intruguing
This poem was great. It reminded me of one of Edgar Alan Poe's
stories. Raven raven at my door? I'm not sure but you get the picture. Time is eternal yet it seems so limited. We can thank man made invention called the clock for that. I believe before the clock was invented people had much more time and lived life
with a even stride that helped them live much longer.
Anyway, you did an excellent job of creating angst and drama.
I felt like my time was running out while reading your poem.
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although i really liked the whole thing, i'm going to have to say that the second stanza was my favorite, especially the last two lines of the second stanza, i just thought that they flowed like a river... excellent work
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Excellent poem - incredibly well-written. Meter is perfect, rhymes are excellent, wording is apt. Just an amazing piece. I'm saving you to my favourites based on this piece alone...
LLLSHJ,
Y. -
i agree with everyone else on this list. you have potential as a poet.i would enjoy reading other poems written by you.keep writing.
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OMG dude, I wrote a poem like this one, but not nearly as good. allpoetry.com/Poem/1092863 This one has much better flow,a nd the rhyming isn't as forced as mine. Yours rhymes well and flows well, it is succint, yet it gets the point across. Fab write.
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This is wonderfully written. I'm usually not one for rhyming poems, I'm rather a freestyle poetry person, but this is a rhyme that I am rather fond of. Great job.
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Very good poem
GOod poem. Takes a subject that so many people struggle to write about - their own mortality - and a subject that could be cliche - time passing - and gives us a fresh look. I loved the rhythm and the flow and the truth of this.
Great work!
Thanks,
Anne -
nOW THIS MADE ME THINK.
Much enjoyed.
Wolf -
really a cool poem Kirbys. a good metaphor of the passing of time to the pendulum, tick-tock of a clock. "a lying aphrodisiac" was especially eloquent for me. good rhyme, which wasn't so obvious and actually felt undertoned to the poem overall...really good work!
Jo -
that's crazy. yes, time is a very odd thing that we have to follow, yet it annoys us all. I've written a song called Trade Wind that's about time, but many people think it means different things. 3rd stanza kinda sounded like The Raven a little bit, with how it flowed.
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This poem was very nicely written, and the picture of course, went with it as well. I liked the rhyme scheme, it did not seem forced. Nice write, and thanks for sharing.
-Necrophiliated- -
Very nicely written, my friend! Enjoyed this very much!
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Oh wow... This was incredible. The flow was so amazing, your poem was just "quick". I loved it. The way you rhymed everything was awesome, like so "smooth". Your first stanza was amazing... "The pendulum swings left, then right
Each tick and tock a parasite
That steals my time, gives nothing back
A lying aphrodisiac" that was so cool how you wrote this poem.
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wow great job. i really like this. i do not see anything wrong with it. you are very talented. keep writing, dont ever stop. i hope to see more from you soon.
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I love this one although I hate the subject of clock, I have hated the sound of them since i was a boy (I have a poem about that)I have never had a ticking clock in my house since i got married 34 years ago. They steal your life Each tick marking off a heart beat , leading to the final tock. I digress its your poem I am meant to be commenting on all I can say about it , is that it is one more wonderful rhyming piece among the many I have so far read here. Each word holding its place in a wonderful picture Thank you for sharing
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I think about the passing of time a lot these days. My children have grown so fast it seems and I'm thinking, Oh dear! I am going to wake up one day and realize they are gone and I am left in this big house all alone. I rejoice when I see my children explore new horizons and try new things and test the waters of independence, but at the same time, I admit that I fear I will left behind like some no longer needed child's toy or security blanket. Sounds crazy huh? Oh well... just the stuff that's floating in my head these days.
♥ Kimberly -
Another work of art, Senor Paul. You really do love your rhymes, don't you.
I just read your interview and...wow. I have a poem called "Music of the Soul" too..well I think that's what it's called.
Great job...I'm done commenting for tonight...gotta get to bed sometime. Haven't been sleeping well lately.
Great poem. I love your ingenius rhymes and phrases...I hope you're published somewhere.
Blessed be,
Kate. -
very interesting and well put. a very reflective and true write, and as usual the form is excellent. what is new lol.
Lea -
Paul, this sings the anthem of the soul at least six decades trapped in the failing flesh. I want to say, "I love it!", but that's supposed to be taboo and terminally trite, so I'm forced to reach deeper for this poem's description: -written by a poet who feels the pinch of living in a four-square world. That "internal", "Inferno" rhyme was a stroke of genius.
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Oooooooooooooh I finally got my computer up and running to payback~
Come back to inhale the reads
Love this piece for I do feel that way at times~
I know I am not the only one who does~
Whew~
Awesome rhyme and metaphors~
Great imagery too~
The pic adds that extra touch
and much love~Desire
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I like to read about time..this is a wonderful write. , Olivia
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wow what a cool poem... it really is amazing how fast our lives pass sometimes, and it only seems to accelerate the older i get. great write and thanks for the insightful and constructive commentary.
=drew= -
rhymatic
this write has picked up the rhymth of the pendulum.the rhymes are great and the lack of punctuation is a good thing here.it gives the poem a timeless feel.you are a great artist.a lot of people coul learn from you. -
Too many poems, Paul, too many! Good write but I cant keep up with ya!
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'ey buddy this is really cool and i like the format of how you presented your thoughts!! you again have shown your great talent and thank you for writing more! remember whenever you get a chance some talk to me or read my stuff! aighty? well i got to go for a little while but i may be back on tomorrow aighty? keep it up n never give up!!!-----------------------------------------------God Bless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eli----~~~
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Unnoticed, our time is ticking away
With each fatal tock of the pendulum sway.
Each turn of the cogs within the clocks heart
Winds the count down to when we depart.
Smiles, just inspired by your words which were inspired by mine!! HUGS! So glad something came of that one line you liked! HUGS! Great poem you wrote dad! HUGS! Dari x -
Decided to drop in at my fellow apm teammates page. I really like this one, one of the better rhyming quatrainal poems I've seen in quite some time. Only one complaint:
Lulled by its hypnotic swaying
Tick and tock is all it’s saying
Soul and body slowly aging
Life and death, a battle raging
Slowly I slip off to sleep
The shadow comes, what will it reap
Will those slowly turning gears
Steal what’s left of my life’s years
In those 2 stanzas slowly is used 3 times without any definite reason I felt. Maybe use a few synonyms? Just make sure the rhythm's still fine after that (I hate it when people just prop in big synonyms without any concern to the rhythm
)
Almost there,
TF -
I think the older we get, the more we look at how the pendulum swings. I remember when I was a kid, and that mattered not to me. Your rhyming was quite good in this piece, and flowed nicely. I think you captured the essence of the fear of time escaping with great authority.
Peyton
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Hey, its a good one, just thought that i'd quickly you missed the 'e' from 'unborne' - only applies in the conjugation of bearing.
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Tic Toc Tic Toc ... great poem GP, love the flow and the rhythm.
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great poem
i thought it was a great poem, and i thought you were right when you say everyone thinks about it...i was actually thinking about it yesterday, you expressed the feeling really well...keep writing -
That's really very good! The whole rhythm of the poem falls gently into a tick-tock that feels very ominous, and the aabb rhyme scheme works very well to reinforce that image.
On the last line of verse 2, did you mean 'Heaven'? 'Haven' also works, but it doesn't contrast so well with Hell.
One final comment - you only seem to punctuate within the lines, which means that sometimes you have questions without a question mark, for example. Do you ever consider using more punctuation in the poem as a whole? Just a thought. Brilliant, though - well done!
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