forever
placed on my finger
my wedding ring
loose now
without you to hold it
Andrew Hide
Author notes
Written May 27th, 2004
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1 - 13 of 13
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would like to see forever as the pivot ...
playing ..
wedding ring
placed on my finger
forever
loose now without you
to hold it
(one edit to adjust line lengths ... which might still be a little off ?) ... >>> Gina -
I remember this one, still feels the sadness, which time sometimes can't take away.
And you are still one of the two best tanka writers I know
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i feel this one has a sadness to it the ring is still worn but has become slack a metaphor for divorce or separation of some kind perhaps...i have done something similar with a ku called itch
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Beautiful piece. Just lovely!
~Lyrical -
AWWWW that is so cute.
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Full of meaning
Many images from this one hun
Do come see me won't you
Blessings
Susan~~~
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Hi there,
I feel that this was a very beautiful write, it was very thought out and expressed well, with a lot of emotion. Another persont aht I have seen who is able t say so much in so few of words. Well done and thanks for sharing. I hope tat you continue to share and continue to write.
All the best to you and yours
Blue moon -
Andrew.Your poem elicited different and interesting comments.my wedding does not turn easily,in fact I can't get it off of my finger.Wonder what comments would say about that.
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Beautiful
Hi Andrew:
Yes, this is a lovely Tanka. Full of meaning and a beautiful expression of your love and the relationship you have with your wife. With hands locked together, neither ring will turn and will be touched as one. Tanka you! Bill -
Hand-in-hand means spiritual bonding ... If the ring turns easily, it may indicate that the persona of the poem lost weight e.g. after an illness - tender loving care needed.
Myra -
I like this image, but for me it reads a little awkwardly. I know you are probably trying to get the syllable count right but I do think L2/3 need some change. 'unlike when' doesn't work grammatically and jars.
I would suggest dropping 'unlike' and changing 'when' to once. But that will probably ruin your syllable count! -
very good
I put some long and hard thought into this poem. It seems that your internal doubts (ring turning) are soon smoothed over by the touch of your wife's gentle hand.
Very well done.
John -
Finfers intertwined
as lovers dancing slow
hold in place two hearts
beating as one.....Laura
A beautiful poem Andrew!!! I love poetry that inspires me to write!!! ~Laura
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