Emerald earth,
Sun shines bright,
The sky,sapphire
Author notes
Written April 27th, 2002
In a list
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Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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You've painted a beautiful picture here in 3 lines. I suggest that you minimise the first capital letter of L2 and L3 as it tends to distract the reader. In 11 syllables {4-4-3}, this is a good job!
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A beautiful image. I like the jewel / precious stones imager such as 'sapphire' and 'emerald' - it makes the haiku seem that much more magical and enchanting. Well done!
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I love gems. They're kind of like the organs of the earth, in a non-scientific/forensic/disection kind of way. Each one a different shade with a different meaning, all hidden deep in the earth. I like rubies myself. And opals, that's my birth stone. Even the sun is like a jewel, in this haiku, though it's implied rather than being a metaphor. The world is a giant display case. Yeah, I don't know what that means.
Love,
Elle
Edited on Feb 12 because 'Thsoe dran splelnig erors!'. -
I did notice that several pointed out about the poem did not follow the true haiku count. If you go to my haiku poem titled "My Darling Kristi" you will see in the author's comments that I have explained how to do a haiku. I did this for it was my first haiku and wanted people to know since I thought there might have been several like me (who truly didn't know how to do a haiku until then). Maybe I have helped you some since I thought that there was nothing I was thinking I could share with you to help you except to give you my opinion on your work. Take care and keep up the fine work.
Jim aka ThePoetAmuse -
this is beautiful. Great ku
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I think its good...Great job
Heather -
excellent
haiku's are always fun to do! nice job! -
neutral
awesome!!!!
you are very talented...
i love it!!
-sheshe143 -
don't touch it!
I do love this tiny and very descriptive piece of art! -
excellent
Lovely, beautiful in it's simplicity. :) -
don't touch it!
absolutely beautiful! -
neutral
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
Madeline -
neutral
A beautiful verse.
well written.
It's not on true haiku form, but that dosn't effect it's escents.
Andrew -
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ok...Haiku has a 5-7-5 pattern. : ) This is lovely, and now you get to add to it if you want to! I will look forward to rereading it. -
i know nothing about the counts of Hakiu (LOL) so u could enlighten me i am just now reading and trying to write it(Ha)
but thanks for the comments any suggestions appreciated!
Until next time Blessings Susan -
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i don't think the counts are quite right. i KNOW people have taken haiku to all kinds of levels beyond the traditional one, but i've not come across a 4-3-4 structure before. could you enlighten me?
nicely written, though... whether the counts are just right or not.
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