The house was ill-kept
clothes and trash cluttered the floor
and her daddy had started drinking
before he even hit the door
Her mom was crying in the kitchen
about another promise that he broke
He muttered angrily and moved closer
ready to strike if she misspoke
For all eight years of her life
she has been witnessing this sight
and decided to head for safety
on this particular night
She retreated to her bedroom
Ceramic angels were wall to wall
and every one of them were damaged
but to her they had no flaws
She could hear her parents screaming
then something slammed against her wall
As her mother lay sobbing in the background
all of the angels began to fall
So prideful in their appearance
she grabbed the duct tape and the glue
then started to mend her precious friends
that always see her through
while humming quietly
Author notes
Silver in BlazingSwords' and FallingDeep's contest allpoetry.com/Contest/628105
Gold in blueeyeddaisy44's contest allpoetry.com/poem/790666
Written May 21st, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Stand Up, Speak Out, Be Heard!! by Donielle21.
300 points, ended May 21, 2007, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Searching For New Favourites ♥ by Immortal Obscurity.
1750 points, ended April 9, 2008, 51 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 67 of 67
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A Moving poem. The little girl did what she could to make her world safe and serene. what is left unsaid is powerful.
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I'm afraid I'm not too great at comments, but I wanted to applaud this poem.
beautifully heartwrenching write.
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Beautiful yet sad poem. Great job on it though.
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The sweetest Thing
I love this so very much, you touched my heart. I can see busy little shaking hands mending her friends.
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wow this is really good
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very good poem- very descriptive- i can see it as it happens
beautifully trajic
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This is gorgeous, and I loved every second of the read... There was so much emotion in it that I was almost reduced to tears... I felt so bad for that poor child, but unfortunately, it's the sad reality for so many. Thank you for entering, and good luck!
Laura xxx
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Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. i really like the way you wrote this through the eyes of an eight year old. It seems to me that you may have switched tenses in the last stanz from past to present tense. I might be mistaken(it has been know to happen)but I think:
then started to mend her precious friends
that always see her through
Could be:
then started to mend her precious friends
that always saw her through
Not real sure about that, but it seemed to sound better to me. -
this was so sad! but sweet at the same time when you said at the end that she was going to mend her broken friends. i do hpe this is not something you had to go through. but it was very good. i enjoyed reading. good luck and thank you.
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A deffinant jaw dropping write
Great Job
Thx for entering
Kat
Fave lines--
Her mom was crying in the kitchen
about another promise that he broke
He muttered angrily and moved closer
ready to strike if she misspoke
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This was man.... great because I could see the whole thing playing out in my mind, like a scene in a movie. And whats sad is this is true.
~Fal~ -
Wow, there's definitely some pain coming through in there, but also a sense of resignation... it happens, it's going to happen again, and there's nothing to be done about it but fix them and put them back up on their shelf. There's an amazing strength in children's spirits.
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A most excellent write, and congrats.
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I read this one already on DA
I've been catching up on reads with being away for awhile and I must say you have some corker of them here. Keep up the great work -
An amazing write hun. I love it. In a way I wanted to cry at the end when she fixed her friends that always helped her through. Well I'm off to read more. Good luck and keep writing hun.
~maryj~ -
wow.....this is awesome. If i may say so myself, you have a good shot.....anyway, good luck, and thanks for entering!
Love always,
Chelsea -
A couple of the fourth lines in the stanzas seemed a little short to fit the meter and I thought ‘Fallen Angels’ would be a more apt title for a serious piece than the rather flip title – but apart from that I thought is was a really strong, emotionally charged poem.
Edited on May 22, 11:58 p.m. because ''. -
i probably got this one my way. It little scares me poems like this one. I want to say that this is good job... hope not own experience...
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So sad for the child of a home filled with terror. How it makes an impact on children as they grow into an adult.
I have on called Poor Little Child and effects of a fighting family.
Well Done
BonBon -
What a powerful write that hits home for unfortunately much too many little ones . You described so perfectly what disfunction does ....including almost an acceptance in this child ...that just goes about fixing the broken angels and silently humming...and she will do it over and over again
Reenie
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this is so beautiful! it reminds me of a couple of Martina McBride songs... it's no wonder that the world we live in is so full of despair, when our children have to hide in their own rooms at night... it's revolting. great write, very thought-provoking. keep up the great work!
neuentag
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this was really amazing. The angels in this piece can be really symbolic. At first I thought it was just going to be another abuse poem, but this really breaks the mold. excellent job and keep it up.
Peace and Love,
XOXO SammiJO -
oh yeah, this is powerful. heart-wrenching. you pulled this off so well. and it transcends the story you tell and becomes metaphoric - especially with the title you picked.
just stellar writing!
- travis
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awesome
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My goodness. That was very powerful, and intense. Poor little girl. Really makes you hate the dad. We men can be such assholes. Great write, and good luck in the contest.
Alejandro -
Wow, this is so fantastic, a sure win in this contest must be. I love the imagery of the angels, and the way it flows and everything. I'm in complete awe of your talent yet jealous that you have this talent which I could never posess. You're a fantastic writer who has been able to convey such emotion and feeling into the words of this poem without losing any of the meaning. God bless you and take care, Heather x
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truly touching and well written. you have a way making me feel just like the angel mender. thanks for sharing.
regards,
Leo Long -
Alright, this is truly an amazing piece. The depth is just incredible - a plethora of emotions all mixed together in one piece. I could see the little girl shy away in fear of being hurt, tears slowly falling as she pieced her "precious friends" (love that description) together...all while humming to herself, in an effort to remain calm. Stellar write - how many times have I told you you're awesome?
Yeah, well you better believe it lol...
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It too, reminded me of Concrete Angel - so you're not crazy hehe.
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Wow, it flowed, it sounded great, and it wasn't forced at all. You have some talent, and it is very evident with this piece. Very well written, very well thought out and presented. The last line caught my attention like a pair of headlights! Amazing. I wish I had more words to give, but I don't, so I'll just applaude this and go.
-Jake -
duck tape and glue... it's what hold most things together for me these days
ace write- moving , sad and desriptive
very very well done
take care
xxx -
Yikes.....this is so intense. I too thought it was going to be more on the lighter side. I was a bit taken back, had to read it 3-4 times, cause it was incredible. Put the poem on bookmark and YOU to my favorites, cause with a poem like this, I have to read more of you. I especially loved the ending....while humming quietly. She did it as if nothing unusual was happening in her life.
This poem reminds me for some reason of Concrete Angel, the song by Martina McBride. I guess just the sadness of it, but the total reality of how children deal with things. Looking forward to reading more of your poems. Cheryl -
OK, the title alone drew me in, LOL, I'm a single mother and I've always said, give me super glue, masking tape and a hammer and I can fix anything, and if I can't, I'll just crush it with the hammer.
I wasn't prepared for this poem. Truthfully it blew me away! An un-expected pleasure to read. While the contents are very sad, the poem was perfectly written. The flow, metre, rhyme, all perfect.
I LOVED the closing line, it really finished the poem. It seems that you took a lot of time for this poem and it shows.
All I can say is... you did such a good job with this poem. God bless. ~Melissa -
Hey wow i felt this so much in my heart...it was beautiful.... left me breathless.....you wrote about something so hard yet it came out perfectly....your form and flow were just right and you had this down to a t awesome write!
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Amazing!!!!!!!!
Omg i don't know what to say im speechless I love the way you described everything so well great job
God BLess
~Mary~ -
thats such a great poem, it was beautiful, i loved it. it flowed so nicely and the form was perfect. youre an amazingly talented writer, wow, this was just great.
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Nooooooo, don't let the angels fall. With your own tears give their souls a new place to hide. nice write.
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This is a great narrative. You've describes it so well, the story, the pain... it is all evident in your writing. Keep it up! ~Raquel
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I loved reading this poem. Although it is a sad and heart moving topic it is so well written that it has a calming affect to it. I can just see that little girl crying in her room listening to all the violence happening outside her room. I feel so bad for her. Great job on this one! You truly have a talent and I look forward to reading more of your stuff. Keep up the good writting!
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Whisper this is sad but it is penned beautifully...I loved it..Your talent really shows in this piece..It was wonderful and full of emotion..Amazing, your lines just flowed and it came together so beautiful..and I agree with tyler..HOPE should be listed..lol Awesome poem...I wish you the greatest and best luck in the contes..even though I dont' think you will need it..lol
Much love
Bambie -
Omg wow Sis, this is amazing...i am really inspired by this girls courage, because i know when my parents fought i would scream and cry...this is a really good poem, and the rhyming is wonderful! Keep it up thanks for sharing...
take care
-Stac- -
Amazing
Very touching and so moving! You obviously have talent and I am delighted to see that you are using it in such a creative way. Poetry is definitely what you were made for. I hope to see more poetry like this from you. The way that you show how committed someone can be to hold onto hope is refreshing. Maybe you should also add “hope” as one of this poems categories. Not only do I hope this poem shall inspire new poets I also hope it shows that there is still a shred of emotional poetry still being shared. Most poems seem to lack the thought you put into yours. And most poets don’t seem to stand up to their title like you have. Thank you for sharing your poetry, I enjoyed it and am sure that others will too. Keep up the good “no great” work. -
fresh
DAMN WOWWZER this was deep...I didn't expect this powerful of a poem to be coming from this title even though it is a great title for this poem. I don't know I think I just expected it to be a funny house hold fixer up poem but fortunatley I got to read an amzing poem. Beautiful write keep it up.
Tha magik ninja -
Oh WoW! This is probably one of my most favorites by you....well now.... This piece was just so striking! The story is so sad....I felt bad! How horrible.....I could visualize ev ery stanza! The whole thing with gluing back together the angels..... So hopeful! The flow is wonderful too! I think you could definitly add more to this if you wanted....or not.....it works either way This is AMAZING!!!!! I shouldn't have to say good luck.....there is no way you won''t win a gold! But Good Luck! I loved it!!!!!!!
peace and love
Susan
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good times
that was beautiful. even with the little decription you can vivid image of the angels and the little girl. good write. -
...wow....
HOLY SHMITTEN! When I started to read this I, really did, start to rock back and forth. I agree with prettyinblack, but I don't think it's finished. Well to me it isn't....sorry if I sound mean....
little one
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As everyone here has so truthfully said... This piece is outstanding! It is truly magnificent! I love the wording to this. Its so emotional and bold. Its truely sad that this is probably true at some houses... I'm not exactly sure if this is a true poem but thats not my place to ask... Anyway... really remarkable piece! Great write, keep at it! ~Cole'
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very nice very nice in deed! i really liked this part:
She could hear her parents screaming
then something slammed against her wall
As her mother lay sobbing in the background
all of the angels began to fall
hehe that was awesome keep it up!!!!! -
wonderful! i know so many people who have gone through this and you have really captured the emotion.its has such great detail i could image this in my head. such a sad write and very powerful.
Keep up the good work!
~peggy~ -
Wow. I am flabergasted. Very vey very good! Here's my piece of critical helpfulness: In this line:
and everyone of them were damaged
I think that it might flow better if you changed it to this:
And every one of them was damaged
Other than that, I LOVED YOUR POEM!!!!
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this made me cry. honestly and literally (wipes tears away to prove it)...this reminds me so much of my childhood---especially the "humming quietly" line. this is amazing, the way you can capture so many emotions and rekindle so many memories with the use of 26 letters...it makes me cry when i think about children living in broken, abusive homes (which is why this made me cry)--it just fills me with total sorrow to think of the purity and innocence of children being destroyed by their own parents.
great and POWERFUL write--if you dont win first place, i will cry (yet again)
god--i sound like a wet sponge. -
tempo!
while this does rhyme and is unusually well phrased, i have to make a criticism. many of your lines are a little offbeat, and reading through them in your head will show that they are out of place, or in the wrong tempo. I find that just as rhyming can go abababab or aabbaabb, so can tempo, but that to ignore a tempo in something that rhymes produces a second rate poem. just my opinion... -
"She could hear her parents screaming
then something slammed against her wall
As her mother lay sobbing in the background
all of the angels began to fall"
*is in awe* every poem that i've read of yours i've loved. This one is just heart breaking... the story is so sad. The emotion and pain expressed here is so heart breaking omg... and the IMAGRY IS JUST OUTSTANDING!! It's BREATH TAKING... This is a masterpiece!! Just beautiful. Keep writing!
Love
Amy -
This is amazing I think you have a winner here! You took the challenge and wrote a story for the reader to follow. You drew me in with the child, the situation pulled on my heartstrings! And then the ceramic angels that were watching over her -such a beautiful thought -I can just picture it! How she would want to protect those angels just as they had protected her. awwwwwwww Great job!
~M~ -
wow...thats powerful writing....its tells a very sad story....I hope this isn't real because that would be truly heartbreaking.....this is really hauntingly beautiful.....I loved it...good luck in the contest and keep writing...Luv Caz
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I love it. It's great. I'm so happy you're my momma.
~Jer -
WOWW
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A great write, I can say that I'm lucky that neither I or anyone else in my family was physically abused. I feel sorry for those who are and happy for those who are able to get out of there and lead good lives. If you're writing this from experience, I'm sorry you had to deal with it. In any event, this is a good write, and I loved the way the poem flowed along as you wrote it. Good job.
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You described the very essence of faith in this piece. It begins with what we cannot solve and needs something higher to do it for us. Exceptionally well written poem. Glad I read it.
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This is honestly amazxing. But I see that people have already told you that. I love your take on my quote. I honestly do. Never thought of it being ceramic angels being fixed. Wonderful job.
Thank you for entering and good luck.
-Heather -
Wow. This was just. . .wow. Really caught me off-guard, it wasn't what I was expecting when I clicked it. I'm glad I did, though, becasue this is a spectacular piece. It reminded me of my friend, who's father used to be an alcoholic and beat her. . .sad, but very common. I also like how you end the poem with one single line, good form. I like this a lot. I'm not sure what else to say, except that the background is really freaking me out.
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wow- this is a real masterwork- i think i have seen this contest and i know what you are working with- you handled it beautifully. and not to mention the fact that your word choice is so sophisticated, your story so well told... your rhyme and flow are excellent and the poem is, overall, amazing. well done.
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I think this is one of your best pieces, or atleast my favorite from your collection. This piece provoked both hope and hopelessness in me... I'm not sure how you worked those two together considering their polar differences but nonetheless you DID it, and the outcome was amazing. The flow to this was amazing, and if the title of the contest is any indication that this was supposed to be lyrical, you did a great job of accomplishing that as well.
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Oh...my....gosh.
That was a wow moment. I kid you not, I don't know what the other people think, but I thought it was just amazing. It seemed to flow and yet the whole story was told out wonderfully. So sad, and incorporating the angels really made it unique.
Amazing,
Amanda -
Amazing
*stares at the screen in amazement* wow... I am speechless... there are so many thoughts runnning through my head but I can't figure out where to begin. This was brilliant. Its so sad and emotion, yet so wonderfully written. I loved how at the end the little girl glued the angels back together. It made it a very good ending. I also loved the forth stanza:
'She retreated to her bedroom
Ceramic angels were wall to wall
and everyone of them were damaged
but to her they had no flaws'
This is an amazing piece that you have written. I am very impressed. I will have to read more of your work.
---BOE---
Edited on May 21, 7:05 p.m. because ''. -
Oh man that was good. It made me think of that Martina McBride song, arrr, whats the name? I forgot it. But it was good.
It sent chills down my spine, oOooOooH!
I love it.
YAY! Keep up the awesome work. It was very very very good. BRAVO! -
Wow, this is so disturbing and touching at the same time that I'm not sure how you pulled it off. Anyway, thank you for sharing your poem...
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