I would read a book
If you had not been so smart
I might watch the TV
If you had not despised it so much
I could sing again, and bathe
If you hadn't ruined the bath tub
with your perfectly slit wrists
and desperate stare up and away.
I should cook, or eat, perhaps sleep
again; If your ghost was not so much
a part of everything I'd gotten
comfortable with -- absolute with
what I'd become used to.
Maybe I'd fess up to my
lies and contradictions:
Evictions, erections
Decisions, defections.
Now I run lover
Out and about
Now I run lover
Without a route
Now I run lover
Circles for you
You were never an Angel
But perfectly blue.
I could forget you, had I the notion
of swallowing lightning (now that's devotion)
and no longer fighting, or drinking,
or biting the world for staring right
through me by mentioning you.
Author notes
LET HIM GO
#2
Written May 20th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Death by painfully amazing.
350 points, ended November 25, 2005, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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this is sad...
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Nicely done. I admit, I found it a tad saddening. But then, that is how it should be. I think the hardest part of death, is trying not to mourn so much you can no longer truly live in peace. Thanks for entering my contest.
Jessica -
Eerie indeed! Also a bit depressing. Certainly not meant to lift one's spirits. Not everyone succeeds in conveying atmosphere with words and I think you have mastered that quite well. Thanks for entertaining us mortal poets again, Horace (misspelled intentionally)!
Edited on May 25, 7:38 because ''. -
you know what i think is amazing .. how you "enter" the mind .. how you can become intimate with a subject matter despite being completely detattached .. i've read this a number of times .. good stuff. hope you are well .. -
gosh I thought I made a comment, scrathes my butt and parts my hair, damn that hurt
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Why is it that these ghosts always seem to have a negative light ..even mine. I suppose being haunted by anyone or anything can never be very progressive ...leads to staying in one place..because you have such a hard time seeing past an invisible being ..go figure.
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This got better and better as it went on.. tight imagery of a addictive persona.. well penned hun.. you have this one just right.. ghosts in the machinery can cause havoc if you let them grease the wheels.. okay.. I'm off to powder my forehead..
~GILL~xxxx -
Well
Now, even if it were not a contest poem hun this is awesome
The ghost of suicide, the slit wrists in the bathtub
All the imagery in this is brillant
I loved it and good luck in the contest sweets
Love ya
Susan~~~
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I think the way that you went from a rhymeless start to a tight quick rhyme toward the end, reallyl quickened the pace, causing a rise in heartbeat toward the end...effective. it gives me a feel of throwing off something, a burden and now the reading becomes lighter, clearer (not in meaning, only in form)... plus it stretched my denim.
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Revolting those blind eyes, nursing on impetuous falsehoods...
Amazing how some, like yourself, drip with inane realism and ride it through in all it's blessed imperfection. Another great write.( you cursed sum-gun!) -
nice job! liked it.. kinda sad on some parts and others just different.. nice job though.. *smiles*
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This gave me the shivers. An eerie piece. The title seems to undermine the contents and make it all the more creepy for the sense of casualty about it.
I could sing again, and bathe
If you hadn't ruined the bath tub
with your perfectly slit wrists
and desperate stare up and away
This part made my stomach jolt. I really liked this. Best of luck in the contest. -
I had to spend my points on this piece. It was excellent.
Huggles, Lady Raven -
This is a fantastic poem in it's own right, not just as a contest entry. I love the way you end it with the lines...
"or biting the world for staring right
through me by mentioning you."
Absolutely brilliant.
~Bezoar -
Suicide leaves an ugly mark on those of us left behind. Meandering with a ghost that we talk to all the time, asking questions that will never be answered. Might probably not even have a definitive answer if they could speak.
You seemed to pen this with accuracy, and a tinge of anger that would be expected.
Mary Ann -
Well you did a great job rhyming here and its a beautiful poem and I'm sure you knew that without my telling you. I liked it a lot. And I'm sorry you didn't like mine but hey not everyone does, thats part of life. You win some..you lose some. Thank you for the comment anyways!
~Brittany
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