With a case of Pabst, and a rhinestone dress
She pawned the microwave
400 lbs. of Washington woman
Masturbating to Audio-slave.
She collects shoe horns, and puppy plates
and worships Riki Lake
Has a back tattoo of a swinging bridge
In a 10.5 earthquake.
Oh Jesus why did I wear my ten gallon hat
to the beer garden at the tractor pull that day
I don't mean to be a heretic, but this woman's
made me gay.
Oh Lord if I could find another chair for her to sit
When it was time for her weekly bath
People wouldn't show up with cardboard signs
saying "Please wash Shamu's ass"
Her teeth are falling out from snorting speed
and hooking at the truck stop
I just can't believe I got drunk enough
to marry this six foot drop.
Yes, I'm comparing her pussy to a grave
It's what I do to vent
Since the bitch lost our house,
and we've been living in this tent.
Oh Jesus why did I wear my ten gallon hat
to the beer garden at the tractor pull that day
I don't mean to be a heretic, but this woman's
turned me gay.
Author notes
Written May 17th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Calling All Rednecks......... by shimmer.
300 points, ended December 28, 2005, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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lol... this is funny and cute. or at least i think its cute. ok it made me laugh. thank you for entering the contest and good luck.
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you didnt fallow any of the rules, really, i am sorry but i have to dq you
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ROFLMAO...
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...and while you did not include in your comments, the disorder you were writing about, I will assume your picture as a most fitting description.
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9.8, 9.8, 10.0, 9.9...
Definitely humorous...you read deep into the "Have fun" line...and for that, we all had a good laugh. Not to say I don't often feel upset, or angry, with people in this, or similar, conditions (as stated above, the world will not fix itself), but it is important have eye-openers, as this poem.
And the picture...
Lyrics, indeed are your specialty. I can definitely feel the vibe as I dwell upon each image-packed line (and they all take reference to the included picture, perfect addition, might I add).
The chorus meshed appropriate with the rest of the piece...and with that picture...man, I loved that picture.
All in all, similar to Jenny Craig commerial retake, enhanced, and re-embarked Geico commercial. Quite funny -
emm yes.
What fat is beautiful or homosexuality is more taboo as a perversion, what ever forgive my style but you know whatever thats o.k it's all good thank's very honest well done. -
I had a hard time finding the flow, but good job. I just threw away all my ten gallon hats... just in case.
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well that was friken rude but I LOVED IT!! lol. It was really really funny! Congrats on the contest! This was great!
-April
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So funny.....kinda rude
......but great! Good luck!
xxBellaxx -
now THATS funny!!
but hey, you know what Spinal Tap says about fat broads
"the bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'!" -
Just leaving a ditty to let you know I have read your poem. Good
look inthe contest, and thank you for entering this
Jen
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LOL. funny as hell.
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Fabulously funny. I am adding you to my favorites list. You have a way with flow that makes reading these just feel good.
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IN a way, it's funny, but on the other side of things, it's so terribly true. Well, maybe not for the author, but for some people. Who deserve it, if they drink that much. *shudder* You'll have to pardon my outburst... but I can't /stand/ people who feel sorry for themselves because they are fat/poor/sick/addicted, but then do nothing about it. Do they really expect the world to fix itself? Anyways, the poem was great. On one side, it's funny, but if you look at it again, it's pretty sad. Very well done, and quite unique!
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you have me in stitches!!
it's so wrong, but so funny!!
LOL
N... -
shedding tears for the poor man
Oh my! that makes me so sad! masturbating to audioslave?? did you have to add that?? (i think that makes it 100x worse) great poem. incredibly upsetting. I have this horrendous fear of the overweight, shallow as it may be.. not the people that are a little overweight, but the people who are obese like "400lbs of homosapien cranking towards you" overweight.. advice from Dr. Kat: don't wear that ten gallon hat EVER again. -
I'm glad some one understands the sheer drama of this piece, I didn't find it funny at all, heart wrenching.
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You're just jealous because I got to her first.
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I think this is a very nice try for a dramatic poem with lots of dramatic themes in it.Like the overweight of a person that can really kill you in the long run you know.And this picture here just adds the elements of tragedy to this poem.Sniff.
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she lost your house...you poor thing. take her to the doctor and they may find it...or mistake it for a colon cyst.
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lol
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HAHAHAHAHAHA....yup i think i just wet myself......very funny....great song
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A good laugh!!!
lol I thought this was hilarious, but maybe that's just cause I didn't get stuck with her and have my life ruined. Really clever and just a lot of fun to read. It reminded me of going to Texas to visit relatives. -
lol this shows the lovely sterotypical American to me. lol the ones shown on jerry springer. lol great poem. 100% original!
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Really enjoyed reading this one. I'd like to know the chord progression to get a feel for the music, but without still gives a great laugh and an image of a heifer that no-one would want to marry. Really brings out the worst possible qualities of a woman, and the drunkenness of the speaker too. Great how the speaker completely absolves himself of any responsibility- truly comic.
Adding your comment:
1 - 25 of 25
3 old applause
