Dark the night
stars shine bright
in the cold
stark and old
stands a tree
branches free
reach to sky
call on high
stars come near
quench all fear
in mens hearts
by your arts
kindle love
from above
set them free
said the tree
now I ail
and a gale
blows me down
yet my crown
full of stars
banished bars
Author notes
I sometimes feel like this poem was a collaboration between me, the metre I chose, and the English language; with such a restrictive metre, the rimes I found shaped the direction that the poem went, and I had no idea at the beginning of the poem that it would go where it did. I'd love to hear other people's ideas about what the poem is about. Oh, and the absence of punctuation is quite intentional.
Written January 23rd, 2001
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very neat
I think you chose a lovely metre and the simple diction suited it well. Though it is simple in language, it is cryptic still. It holds secrets and implications. The first part made me think of taking a nature photograph of tall dead trees in the night, and then came the surprise. I think this poem could be about a return to nature and love of it, how it will be able to liberate the hearts of men. Interesting piece. -
No,there's no right answer to what it's about. I had some vague ideas as I was writing it, but no concept of specifically "what it's about". I've heard a few different ideas, and I'm always just curious about how people read it.
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*companion
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Um, to start off i liek this piece, each line is simple and with out punctuation, and i like that. the ryhmes worked nice and don't sound sing songy or childish yet more sound like a mimicky tale in my head, if that makes any sense. now for what it is about according to i..well, i get from it that there's this tree, beautiful, seeming wise with it's age, backed by the nights sky which is also beautiful, and when the tree gets blown down, or falters, it's left to fend for it's self, abandoned by it's previous capanion, the night sky. that's my take on it, but ya...
it's very pretty no matter what the correct answer may be, if such an answer exists. -
I've thought about it a bit more and I think you're right, the second line does flow a bit slower, and I think I know why. It's the only line in the poem that has 3 content words; all the other lines either have at least one function word (which tend to have little stress), or a 2-syllable content word, with the second syllable unstressed. When there are 3 content words, it gets a bit heavy.
I think I'll probably leave it as it is, though. Partly because I wrote it years ago, and it seems like too long since to change it, partly because I don't think I can change it without sacrificing semantics.
[I don't know whether you're familiar with the terms "content word" and "function word". Basically content words are things like nouns, verbs and adjectives that carry the main meaning, and function words are things like pronouns, articles and prepositions that act as grammatical glue.] -
nifty
I think its about treachery. you got this nice, free tree; tryign to set the stars i think it is free. and then the tree gets blown away and the stars do nothing about it. but im probably the only person in the word who can see that in the poem. its a good poem too. i like the short, quick-paced lines. -
Thanks. I don't feel any undue slow-down in the second line, but that may be because I've said it so many times that I can't feel it. I guess I'll have to think about it.
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I do like it, it's an interesting form. My only comment is that the second line doesn't scan as well; it takes longer to say, and seems to slow it down. But other than that, I like it a lot. It's somewhat abstract, but still very nice visually.
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