I've become blind.
I no longer see clearly
through these jaded eyes,
and my vacant heart and absent mind
lead me astray.
somewhere along the way
I lost my ability to read the signs~
watch your step
proceed with caution
beware of manipulation and lies.
although, sometimes, I see them
true and crystal clear
others are hallucinated
and never really there.
so I proceed with care.
tip-toeing
through the field of mines
within the confines
of my own conscience.
do I believe this nonsense
or is it all true?
my heart wants to trust you,
my mind screams NO!
wishing you to stay~
thinking you should go.
past experiences set in paranoia.
who do I trust, who do I believe?
why should I let you in
if you're only going to leave?
so I hold back, become restrained
fight the urge to love to bypass pain.
...if I could only read the signs.
but they've been blurred,
and love is no longer seen
through these jaded eyes
Author notes
Written May 16th, 2004
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This is gorgeous.. It hits really close to home in some points and is one of those poems you could connect with not that we all go through it but some do... I like the fact that it didn't rhyme actually because that feeling would seem cheapend with rhyme least in this instance.. excellent
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AMAZING! truly and simply BEAUTIFUL. keep writing
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i think we've all been through this. that never-ending struggle between heart and mind. those two are a couple of disagreeable bastards. i love the way it flowed in and out of structure, almost like you were going from conscious to sub-conscious thought. wicked good.
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I hope this doesn't sound silly, and please don't think I'm trying to offend you, but:
You are blind in the first line, then you can barely see just a few lines down, and in the middle of the poem you can see crystal clear - only to see not-so-good (and jaded) again by the end of the piece.
I see where you are going in that your affection for this person has made you temporarily blind to love because of their treatment of you. You do a good job conveying that. I think it's just the representation of your eyesight, in my opinion, should be consistent throughout the poem. I believe it would make you sound more believable.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully,
bad-e -
wow, this is a really deep and meaningful write...i really like this piece, kind of reminds me of some of my past relationships, and honestly you should always listen to your heart..
thanks for sharing and keep it up
take care
-Stac- -
Stunning
I'm going to examine this as a pure piece of poetry rather than give you an emotional response to it.
This is deep introspection, it takes the form of a powerful internal dialogue and raises rhetorical questions that are not (perhaps cannot be answered.)Your poem takes the form of free verse, but it's highly associative, evolving unpredictably into bursts of meter and rhyme:
"through the field of mines
within the confines
of my own conscience.
do I believe this nonsense
or is it all true?
my heart wants to trust you,"
This structure in the midst of no structure has the effect of drawing one in deeply to your words, of emphasizing the internal ambiguity that's being expressed.
In short, this is poetry.
Shorter, Stunning. -
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaw
Wish you the best sweetie~
This one made me sad~
Hope all works out for you my dear and you are smiling
Keep on writing and releasing
and much love~Desire
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This is a very nice poem - almost stream-of-consciousness. I like some of the wordplay: the signs - "watch your step", "proceed with caution" - cool ideas. Nice job.
Scott
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jaded eyes... i like the title... no no no i love it actually...
the poem carries so much pain caused by betrayal it seems... hopefully u r ok now...
hang in there
~shillo
shillocjbnet.deviantart.com
PS:
i wish wishes came true
on cold winter lonely nights
that lonesome slowly brew....
that came to my mind after reading ur poem so thought u mite like to read it... -
yeah, I know what you mean. Actually I reworded this one several times but it still needs help. Thank you.
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Well here I am, sitting in front of your blue poem with a whitebackground wondering what I could possibly say, or possibly repeat of what others have said.
Although I do not see this as a bad (emotionally) poem, and rather the tougher it is and more questions you question the stronger you usually will come out. Or at least that's the theory isn't it.
And so I sit here and think about theory's, though a flash goes through my mind.
There is something that you might want to think about doing to your poem ( s ), though I haven't done much of it myself.
Rewording.
IE. "I no longer see clearly", "no longer do I see clearly"
Maybe this doesn't apply, I haven't seen anything else lately from you.
But you do have a lot more poems.
~ Jack Hertz -
"my heart wants to trust you,
my mind screams NO!
wishing you to stay~
thinking you should go."
This is me every other week. Great stuff. -N -
oh.
*shakes her head* how could horrible things happen to the people who dont deserve it most?
I dont know what the situation was, but this was an amazing, beautiful piece. gosh. I'm speachless. its just wonderful, i loved it, its so heart felt and... so sad. I loved this Tiff, I'm gonna bookmark it. I feel a piece of me is hiding inbetween the lines there. I can really relate to some of the lines. This was great. Loved it Tiff (plus im not in a happy mood right now, so reading this helps a little, thank you)
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This was really good.. so dark tho are you ok? I hate it when you feel that theres no one to trust.. bf/gf's or even potentials suck sometimes
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wow amazing to say the least. i hope that things work out and whatever is making you feel this way either goes away or you let it into your life, and im sure that it is a someone. great job and remember things will be better in the end, because tomorrow is always a chance for a new beginning so take advantage of it and dont let anything bring you down. be happy for yourself.
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Very nicely written
God this is beautiful, and it really gave me chills. Love is always worth chasing after, even when your heart hurts from so many disapointments. It's hard to trust what you see from what you want to see, I let life go as it is and try to make my self happy as I can be. Sometimes I have to sacrifice things most dear to me so that I can have the littler things. It's a trade off but thats what life really is... One big trade off.
Life for Death.
But in there some where Love is hiding in wait ready to pounce on you.
Great write.
~Dios~
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Hugs Aw, hun- I hate to read poems like this from you. I don't know what's going on in your life, but this poem practically screams how you feel to the reader.
While it's wonderfully written, it seems scant recompense for whatever is making you feel this way. I hope you're ok.
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