Hopelessly,
adrift
and slowly,
drowning.
Despair,
even in calm,
sparkling,
beautiful,
crystalline
dreams.
Blind to the light,
for the salt in my eyes.
Surface tension,
keeps the mirrored facade together,
a tempest rages below.
Pulling me under,
extinguishing
the eternal flame
granted by God
to light
the righteous
path.
Must be
the work
of the devil.
Chilled to the bone,
heavy hearted,
and soul weary
I relax,
and let the current take me.
Consumed,
the light is dead
beneath this black ocean,
of growing hatred.
Falling,
anticipating rock bottom
which never comes
trapped,
in limbo.
How low can you go?
Alive,
by conventional
interpretation,
yet already
long dead.
I want only peace..
please..
How I wish,
for eternal,
peaceful sleep
safe from the tide
of ever-changing emotion
in the numbing,
empty waters
of the endless deep.
Author notes
This was written more or less train of thought, so it isn't very cohesive. I like it after reading it a couple times.
Written May 14th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
WOW! you are an amazing poet! I love this poem! I m speechless! WOW!
-
I liked it..but I aint real poetic..I got two favorite poets..
both here and yahooka...I applaude this work... -
This type poem allows the reader room for change and movement. The over all tone changes. God bless you
Rose
-
great job...this kinda reminds me of a type of poem called a found poem...it seems like it is like that so...but yeah great job...i love how you have some lines that are just one words..it reminds me of how Gary Paulsen sometimes puts one word sentences in his book to show the anger or emotion...nice job...i really love it...it flows nicely
~me -
"Falling,
anticipating rock bottom
which never comes
trapped,
in limbo."
This line reminds me infinitely of my life and it was very inspiring. So inspiring, that I'm going to go write something once I'm done commenting here. Really deep, awesome write. I really enjoyed it and I hope to read more of your work.
~Nobody~ -
yay
Waste of my time.. hummmm.... NO!
This was actually pretty great. The part about limbo reminded me of "the others" (haha... who knows?) So I got a pretty crazy picture in my head trying to squeeze dead ghosts into this scene, but that's just me! Nice job here, I enjoyed!
~Dragonf1y -
I understand that peace that you just want to feel...sometimes it does feel as though it isn't going to ever change. This is excellent.
-
it seems sometimes one can put themselves through imagery
and let it ride...
while taking them through those currents...
if one closes their eyes here...
you can feel the journey!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill -
The end did seem off a bit, I changed it slightly, i think it might work a bit better now.
-
Beautiful...haunting...enchanting. Your words are like water and your imagery is astounding. Wonderfully done.
~Liadan -
And why ya' wanna say that waste of time crud for???
You ARE smokin' that wacky weed, aren't ya'?!? This is a bold, gripping write. Meters rather well and seems to 'plummet' and 'flow' like this sea of which you speak...Something in the last verse almost feels forced, as though you needed to validate your pleas...? -
very good
-
Good work. I agree with mistressoffire. It does give teh reader room. I liked this bit most:
'beneath this black ocean,
of growing hatred.'
Black ocean of growing hatred? That's just good.
Well done!
Keep penning!
Luv,
Jazzles
xXxXx -
i liked this...it conveys your meaning...yet it allows the reader room for change. if that made any sense. which it probably didnt but thats ok. anyway...i gotta run...AIM me? gothika981
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
4 old applause
