MY EYES WERE BURNING,
A HORRIBLE SENSATION BROUGHT ON BY URE WORDS.
THE PAIN RIPPLED THROUGHT ME,
THROUGH EVERY INCH OF FLESH IN MY BODY,
LIKE A TIDAL WAVE CRASHING ON TO THE RIGID ROCKS AT THE BOTTOM OF A COASTAL CLIFF.
THE PAIN EXPLODED AS THE WAVE REACHED THE DESTINATION OF MY HEART,
RIPPING AT THE SEAMS OF THE WOUNDS THAT HAD BEEN UNTIL U HAD ENTERED INTO THE CRAZY WORLD OF MY NOW MEANINGLESS LIFE.
Author notes
Written May 14th, 2004
A contest entry
- Show Me What You've Got by LostParamour.
500 points, ended September 16, 2004, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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hehe thanks ive actually had this converation before about teh internet slang, i wrote it like and im leaving it like that because this is about a very good friend of mine whom i met on the internet, so its written like that to connect it to him
thanks for the comment
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This is short, but packed full of emotion. The only place i see for improvement, is using the internet slang. Feh, its up to you though. Its a great write. Keep up the good work.
~Draconia. -
very emotional and yet... i agree. it all sucks lately for a lot of people that i know and it sucks a lot for me. the guy that i had a huge crush on asked out my best friend and all this other shit... god... something happened to me just the other day like this. great write though! loved the emotion and everything. keep it up!
crissy -
Thanks for entering my contest... Good luck!!! I'll make meaningful comments when I judge the poems... I'm just thanking everybody for entering...
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Ahhh...The Caps... Makes me feel like you're yelling at me. Sorry couldn't make heads or tail of the poem due to those bright pink capital letters.
~Bezoar -
Though this is a good poem, it has nothing to do with the subject of my contest. Please remove it. I'm not going to ask you again.
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hey Erin, i apreciate ure comments about my poem being in netspeak but it is written in netspeak for a reason because the person that made me feel that way is actualy a friend from the internet and as for tha caps im not sure it just wrote it that way by accident and decided not to change them becasue it showed anger just like u show in caps on the internet, catch laters.....b3l
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This is a really powerful poem. Your words show your pain quite well for a short poem.
However, the poem would have more impact on the reader if you didn't use netspeak and if you didn't have it entirely written in caps.
Just a helpful tip!
~Erin~ -
Very emotive and it seems to be sincere. I am not sure about the use of abbreviations. But of course i am only a beginner so i do not have much right to say anything! Anyway i liked it a lot!! Well done.
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Excellent, Bravo!
This is a very powerful piece! Great work!Keep penning! I know the feeling! It has happened to me too many times that I care to think about! Love, LadyJ -
so hurtful and painful.....it's been a horrible week for you...
but i hope everything will get well soon till then take care n remember no guy is worth this much pain
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so hurtful and painful.....it's been hell of weeks for you...
but i hope everything will get well soon...
till then take care...and good luck for your exams...
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