prospects of a new tomorrow
dilute in a cesspool of yesterday
names and faces from the past
brought to flesh
ghosts given new life
checking the calendar
constantly for next week
and yesterday
checking last week
and this morning
checking last year
and this evening
checking five years past
why this constant obsession with time
or phases of time
or order in time
or disorder?
the tide of the past
keeps coming in
to my shore I walk on now
my feet keep sinking
into the watery sand
where past and present
dilute into one another
an incestuous relationship
bringing up memories
and prospects
as I wiggle my toes in wonder
my mind writhing with a warped perception
when all thoughts
become vague recollections
when the sun and the moon
meet as if mid day
or mid night
The Month of May
the turning point for so many
and just another month for so many more
and yet
does a may fly not live only a day
and does that one day constitute
a life time for us?
there is excitement
there is fear
there is spontaneity
there is apprehension
mostly there is wonder
and awe
the tick tock ticking of the second hand
means nothing these days
all time is relative
and somehow irrelevant...
...whilst living in a world of quite relevant schedules, time tables, and events that post landmarks in our lives.
Author notes
Written May 14th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- dear. we must eat the liver. sweet as june. we must. dear. by jaunty pill.
300 points, ended June 20, 2006, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
- Let me start by discussing some things
That caught my eye in a bad way or
Bothered me somewhat. This first verse
seems long-winded at parts. The same goes
for the stanza after...But I only decided
to list this one as I hate posting a persons
poem back to them in the comment box.
Anyways , So the thing I would consider
is possibly dividing the stanza's up. I
don't feel that it would effect the poem
on a painful level and I don't think the
imagery will be lost. However , I also
might consider working with the
repetition of " and this " and " or "
here as well. I usually admire the use
Of your intense vocabulary and almost
Beat feel , But , I think the first two
Parts here where a hit or miss and I
Think you missed. Some simple
Editing around the edges and taking
Some helpful advice would benefit the
Poem to a much more completed
effect. You might also consider just
Editing back on the imagery or the
Word use to better suit both stanza’s
Impact. It’s up to you in the end.
Now , Onto the poem itself:
I very much enjoyed the process of
The writing. I think the ideas are
Captivating and I very much enjoyed
How you dabbled with the idea of
Time. It feels bold , Certain , And
I think the imagery helps the movement
Of the piece. The “ month of may “
Stanza I think benefits for the most
Part with the repetition. It reminds
Me of a clock always turning and
Always evolving. The fooling
Around with unique perspective and
Inventive vocabulary is something
That I have grown fond of with you.
I have never left your poems feeling
Incomplete. That is one thing I can
Say with the utmost respect. It amazes
Me that some of your ideas can
Massage a part of my brain , While
Beating it to death at the same time.
That is not an easy thing to achieve ,
At least for me.
I think it revolves around your
Snippet imagery at times and the way
In which you pull the reader back
And forth across the work. Sometimes
It just takes that little push in the
Right direction to get someone to
Follow you to the end , No matter
What danger lurks there. It seems
Times has gotten hold of you and ,
Like seconds and minutes , We are
Watching it all change.
Creative write and I am so glad that
I decide to invite you. I was able to
Finally announce myself on your
Work.
Thanks so much for entering and
Good luck ,
James
-
Marvelous focus on the strangeness of time. I am hung up by it myself: It slips and slides and the mind with it. The past can seem almost as real as the present. The future so shadowed and full of unknown joys and peril. Have not read your poetry so I am grateful to discover you in this vast ocean of souls searching for answer to the great enigma.
-
Very interesting and unique perspective you have about our lives and how quickly, and at the same time slowly they go by...i like the background...You kept my attention right thru and i enjoyed...Best to you
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