Arbitrary birdsong
As a curtain backdrop
To silence.
An empty stage, the players
Are all away; smearing
Their faces with
Cheshire smiles
Readying themselves
To face the audience.
Author notes
Very rough poem, please tell me how to improve it!
Written May 13th, 2004
A contest entry
- first contest yay!!! by Xxsandman rejectXxX.
300 points, ended June 3, 2004, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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"All the world's a stage and all the men and women simply players..." Shakepeare.
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It was okay but when reading it, it sounded like this... And I...Will love...You.............The wind...It blows...on me.........and I smile. Sorry
. You could add or format a better flow to it. Maybe a tiny ryhme or half ryhme to one of the lines or even an inside ryhme to it. I still liked the idea. Or the idea to me. Nice imagery too. Keep at it!
By and By
Evy -
I agree the poem needs just a little more body to give a more vivid image of the stage and it's players. But that's more a feeling than an educated opinion. If you were thinking of adding to it, what you've put down so far is an exellent framework to expand on.
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Being a thespian, I know of the smearing of faces to portray the fake smiles and such. I think you did a nice job with this one. But, I feel that if you delve into the aspect of the theatrical sense of it all, the reader may get a better feeling for it. I just felt like you left it unfinished.
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Alive.
Nice. The theater is alive. Good tension and this poem is very random...which is also cool.
---elm
Edited on Jun 13, 10:06 p.m. because ''. -
Good luck!
Very deep poetry, and done in few words!
I have problems writing short, sweet poetry; you've done a fantastic job. I think I caught the tendrils of a metaphor within your writing. The lines about "cheshire cat smiles' made me think of people when they are trying to pretend they are something they are not; the audience being the people they face every day.
I love they beginning of your poem; very mysterious, yet beautiful. Great work, I hope you do well in the contest...(i'm thinking of entering it now!)
-morgana -
This poem is written in awe admiring depth. You made me take a double-read. You did a really great job. I would give you an applause but I am all out for the day.
Thanks so much for sharing this poem.
Chrissy
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REALLY GOOD ! you did a terrific job ,it makes you think in a lot of things , clearly most of all of how does it feel to be an actor , in fron of so many people congratulations you got my applause , MARY
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Wistful
This made me think of the early morning hour, when birds are celebrating life and workers are arming themselves for the day. "The calm before the coffee" was the caption of a cartoon showing a man and a woman seated at the breakfast table. It also reminds me of T.S. Elliot's fabulous line in "Prufrock" - "prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet."
This was very evocative!
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I can sense the nervousness of the actors in the poem! You captured it very well!
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I am an aspiring actress myself. I love the way you described the emotions and preperation as they prepare themselves for the stage. I'm not quite sure how to help you improve it. I think it is really well written. Short and to the point.
~Jessie* -
I love Shakespeare... "all the worlds a stage". I thought that there was a very deep meaning behind all of the words and you did a very good job with metaphors. This was very short and sweet but I wouldnt object to it being longer I loved the imagery with the reference to the Cheshire cat... very mentally vivid.
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at first it was confusing about what it was about really but then it clears up pretty quick.i don;t sense too much emotion like it came right from the heart.more like it came from a person who is very nervouse of sumthin.it was good though and considering i am not a good critique i am trying to get me frined who is very good at this stuff to critique them.from what i see this is a good poem just doesn;t sem to sincere thats all.thanks for your entry.
~lil rae~
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