I have absolutely no idea who you are, and
I really don't care when it gets right down to it.
I follow you out of need, obsession, desire and
the utter necessitous compromise involved in it.
You have feelings, and life, of this I am sure, and
There is more; You have a profound stupidity for it.
You have shallow goals, and even worse, no logic
Or need to feel obliged, or competent in needing it.
I deserve to have you stripped down at random
All uglied up for the camera, and ready to get it.
In the end, I loved it; But at first, I was shy and afraid -
- Of the truth; How when consumed, I felt better for it.
Boiling your heart, and pretending...
Nothing is really what it seems.
Author notes
Written May 12th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Random much? by juliannex0.
300 points, ended December 18, 2004, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Delivered as a cold and calculated characterization - but the calm vitriolic tone of this piece could potentially give away the depth of feeling , albeit in a subtle manner.
The contolled anger , spitting at someone with words - not possible without the layered pain . Reminded me of the Peter Sutcliffe's of the world . Or Jack Nicholson's insane smile in 'The Shining' - a very sinister feel to it. A socio / psychopath contemplating his / her next course of action ( though stereotypically I have always imagined anyone diagnosed as such to be male ).
Threatening and hostile feel to this piece. Not sure whether it was written as an expression of extreme emotional pain in relation to a particular experience , or written as a potential threat. Of course it could be sheer fantasy too. In which case your readers may become concerned !
Anyway - a variety of interpretations possible. Very cerebral piece of work. Enjoyed muchly.
~ Sonia ~
Edited on Dec 17, 6:22 p.m. because 'typing error'. -
What an interesting poem..sounds a little..stalkish there don't know why. The pic is..interesting as well..a little hot I must admit. After the last line..it was full and not lacking anything at all..well thats how I felt with the poem. This was nice. Great poem and good luck in the contest!
-nicci -
tongue in cheek and highly contemptuous is how i read it first time ~ second and third reading gives a new slant and even taken out of context of the contest [rules of which i have not checked out] it is a very worthy write and an enjoyable journey.
oh ... it has a certain powerfulness ~ or could that just be the drill you are carrying?
elaine
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The pic offers much to look at
As a matter of fact
Giving the reader an eye full
Which is really cool
Great job on this piece~
Desire
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horus8~
Thank you so much for your entry and I will be back to make a comment after the contest~
I will be judging soon~
Thank you for your entry~
Best wishes to you in the contest~
Desire
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in a world where there is so much superficalism and illusion, we often don't know what we're looking at. I know that there have been times when i even decieved myself into believing what was a non-realistic point of view. This poem is thought provoking and leaves me with a hmmmmm. As usual your words intice my psyche and leave me with much to wonder about.
Much Love,
Renee
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oh yes, oh yes. Very good! I enjoyed this piece, I think it is brillant.
plus the guy in that pic is pretty hott.
Anyway, I think you did a great job, keep up the awesome work! -
Wow, I'm glad I'm not the only one know knows someone like this. You did an excellent job of describing the emotions and situation that I could not do. Excellent write, I clap.
~All 28~ -
wow. I think i am stupid because i had to read thAT LIKE EIGHT TIme and I still don't really understand what you want me to but i like my own meanig. good job!
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you know I don't think I ever saw a drill that big, at first I thought it was one of those old style camera's from back in the day but then when I took another take I saw the cord and the drill bit. Anyways your poem had a nice flow, a bit scary but and arousing!
Edited on May 13, 5:06 p.m. because ''. -
If there is anything I like to do better than read what you write (well, you know),it is reading it again... I enjoy riding the waves and tumbling through the riptides of your words...I drown in twisting, agonized torrents of my own twisted seas and care not for breath...Like the sea, I find you deep(cheesy), salty , fluctuous and full..."PLease, sir, can I have some more?" (can you tell I just woke up?!?)
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the poem offers up a very interesting projection of character, but the photo is not very menacing.
The matter-of-fact tone of the words goes a long way toward convincing the reader...as generally serial killings are not crimes of passion...makes it work.
I thing the word "competent" should be competence, having no competence... -
back for second read .. already .. must mean something .. (yeah everyone is going to say "sure she's back for the poem she wanted to look at the picture again...") nah..you know me .. words do it better .. okay yeah this one is similar to the other kind of shadowy ghost-like one you did with the bursting birds ... and i happen to love that one as well .. ok .. leaving now .. -
oh .. shivery creepy .. cold and dark .. excellent, very. did i say creepy? -
HEHEHEHEH...GREAT HILTI DRILL THERE MATE
a real ball buster of a machine
Same as your write really.. spine tingling and filled with some great lines... love the obsessed and hard hitting edge to it
~GILL~xxx -
All uglied up for the camera, and ready to get it.
--LOVE this line my horus.
this speaks volumes, it's a scary situation to be in, but also i think scary for both sides, as they're both consumed by something. on the "victims" side, you have fear. on the "predators" side you have obesession.
*claps* nice.
by the way, that's a nice drill yer holdin mistah.
N... -
Well..hmm, this reminds me of a few people I have known..and how it felt, ..and that feeling better for it..mixed emotion, but mostly elation ....did you mean no instead of know in the first stanza?
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