the lake
reflects both our faces
through my tears
moon-- do you miss her
reflection too?
Andrew Hide
12~05~2004
Author notes
Join the allpoetry school's tanka class
allpoetry.com/Application/660695
Written May 12th, 2004
In a list
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Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Ah, this is so sweet, so touching. Love the pivot and the mood of this tanka. So well done in such a few words.
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Thank you Charishma,
Yes line three does serve here as the pivot, ( although not the best ) .
Through my tears as I look at the two blured faces reflected in to lake, then as I turn to address the moon through blured eyes, I ask if he misses the reflection of the person who brought my tears as I do.
Andrew -
This tanka is soaked in as much of sorrow as a lake can hold water in itself. Lots and lots of resonance here. Wonderful imageries too. Nice title and background. I like L4 and L5 the best. This leaves me feeling sad and reflecting on memories of an old love...
thank you for sharing,
Charishma
P.S. I have one quick question here...is L3 the pivot line? -
This is breathtaking. I have a question if you don't mind. From reading through yours, I've noticed a lot of human emotion. So I'm guessing that a tanka does not have to be about nature only? Are there any rules to what the content is to be about?
~Lyrical -
this is so amazingly beautiful... it's so fascinating to me that such simple words can evoke such a feeling of sadness in my heart. this is absolutely astounding. you have real talent...
neuentag
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The moon, still, and barrelling alone
travelling a wellspun path, yet never scoured -
Excellent. This makes me really happy that I signed up for your class; I can't wait to learn more about this form. Wonderful piece. Best wishes in all that you do!
Your Cerulean Dreamer,
Michele -
Beautiful, Just simply beautiful! I really admire poets on here who can create such feeling with just a few lines (as with a tanka) The sadness just dripped from this one.
Perfectly done! Couldn't fault it.
Take care
Hayley x x -
A very peaceful and almost angelic feel to this, reflections are wonderful things, they show us the real person or thing, slightly distorted, great write.........
take care
sanity.
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mystical
I am amazed and mystified ..when a poet can take a few simple words and create a beautiful story..one that lays so delicately on the backdrop the is so peaceful..I admire yu and applaud your talent//freda -
this is beautiful. i love the title. lol. i have a fixsation on reflections and things of that sort. this was like a single teardrop, splattering, unnoticed by all except the starlight, and moonlight. a sweet serenity is your words. absolutely lovely.
-Rachel -
For me this was incredibly sad. A sense of loneliness permeates my being. I've tried the haiku before. And now that I read a tanka I will have to try a few. But never to the degree of this I'm sure. Wonderful!
Hugs,
Willow -
wonderfully writen
I love this..its really good...and really short yet it says soo much,..just perfect...keep it up
heather -
excellent
poignantly melancholy...i am left with a small hollow in the center of me, to collect the tears...
well done, Andrew
peace and many blessings
bonnie -
An oustanding poem!
It is beautiful and melancholic.
It is always a pleasure to read your work, the imageries are excellent!
Mari
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my first passing through your precious space of life .. im not familiar with the tanka form (which i shall now go and read upon and learn) a small memory ran throuhg as i read the final word.. i miss that reflection but that is of a tale all my own
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beautiful
Hi Andrew:
A very beautiful poem with a beautiful background to enhance the Tanka. Great visual and phrasing to make your point of missing her and the reflection that once was. I also like the question you asked. Really worked well in this poem. Thanks. Bill -
Quiet reflection of melancholy eyes
you have woven this gracefully - excellent creation
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This is gorgeous Sir Hide.. makes me feel very girly and may have to search for a tissue..
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This is a different take on tanka. I like it. Definitely something to ponder.
the moon
at the center of attention
half dressed
Don -
Decided to drop in on my fellow AW partner/workmate? Great stuff. I'm ashamed to say that as much as I pride myself on poetry knowledge I have never read a tanka. An interesting form. Definitely different than a haiku which was kinda what i expected (only 5 lines since i read your page). This kinda reminds me of a shortened William Carlos Williams I once read.
Almost there,
TF -
excellent
What a beautiful poem. It took a moment to capture who you were talking to but soon my thick head worked around it.
You write this type of poem with exceptional ability.
thanks,
John
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