'Eternally pessimistic?'
I hear you ask,
so nonchalant.
‘No!’ My reply,
'Just waiting for the greener grass to dawn upon my life.
For fine days to cloud the worse;
await my mediocrity
to eventually inverse.'
'Eternally pessimistic?'
I hear you ask.
‘Perpetually deceitful!’ I reply.
'Forget convincing yourself that life’s fruit is always sweet,
and that everything you behold
is the epitome of perfection,
All in false conceit.'
'Eternally pessimistic?'
I hear you ask,
so nonchalant.
‘No!’ My Reply,
'Just searching…’
Author notes
Written May 10th, 2004
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You've done very well with this one, it's a very good poem. I love the images that you've used, of course, and also the almost-hidden rhymes (worse/inverse and sweet/conceit, for example). I also loved the way that by repeating the same question over and over, I had the feeling that you couldn't answer it out loud, but only in your own head, that you were in a mental loop of time in which you tried out several different refutations to the same questioning statement.
I'm not sure whether you actually meant 'worst' instead of 'worse' - something gets worse, but is the worst, and I think you mean the latter, here, although the difference is very slight. I'd also advise you to check your capitalisation, it's a bit haphazard.
I have some other comments on your punctuation: "Just waiting for...upon my life; for... worse. Await..." is my suggestion, where ... indicates missing text, not suggested punctuation. That way, you form a list of things you are waiting for, and start a new sentence when the list ends. It may require a little rephrasing for sense, but I'm sure you can handle that if it's necessary!
Well done with this, you've done a really good poem here. -
Perceptive!
Gotta love this parade of self deprecation, where deliberately,
grass doesn't grow, it dawns (a very bright green image) and fine days darken those that are dark already...the dichotomies speak far more strongly of lack of fit, than telling it could.
I have been looking for three quarters of a century to find the "epitome of perfection" and have not found it yet! Take heart... It gives something to live for! "Man's reach must forever exceed his grasp, or what's a Heaven for?" Apologies to (was it) Milton, if not verbatim.
Seriously, a serious message received! Thank you. --Dee
Edited on May 10, 9:26 p.m. because 'Credit to author of quotation'. -
Mmmmmmmm....very true words spoken here. Hahaha, I can relate. Nicely done! Best wishes on all that you do.
Your Cerulean Dreamer,
Michele -
This pulled strings at my mind, I've begun to ponder. But to the poem, it was somewhat short, but so very explicit! Less is more, I say... most of the time that is. It's very true, as well. Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece, and continue to use your talent for the best! -Angie-
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I like this once, nice work!
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Wonderful
Very nice. I enjoyed this piece a lot. Kudos to you! -
Oh I know it!
Hmmmmm,
most thought prevoking! I like that
My reply to your write, it is layed out well, worth reading and most of the time, the cup could be half full. Pardon the cliche, but it is very true.
Life is what you see but the problem is we all see differently.
thanks for the read. Tommy
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