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An erotic poem

My copper dream
Formed by hands
And tarnished
Together we shall
Grind
And tomorrow
You shall shine.

Author notes

50 views and four comments, such a shame, i shall add a bit here, "and it was all sex, and sticky and everyone left with a smile on their ruddy grubby face"
Written May 10th, 2004

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • J Rhys Davies
    October 1, 2004
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    I read your comment, and I agree with it being a shame. But then again, someone pointed out to me once that there are a lot of visitors on this site that are not members, and they are considered as “views” too. But yeah, 63 views now and only 7 comments, 8 including mine. That sucks because this was a well written piece, deserving more that just 8 comments. Maybe people don’t realize that “erotic” isn’t just sex? Hmmmm.

    ~ John

  • Shannon
    May 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    hee hee. loved this one! a lot of impact without all the unessesary details, which is always nice...one simple image/idea. I loved it. wonderful!

    Ya, the whole tarnished beginnings with a shiny end...
    very well done!


  • spiral nocturne
    May 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i really really like this actually..usually erotica poems tend to be overly cliche, tasteless, vulgar, or just plain silly...because the use of a script for the subject is so taboo, so unusual. This is very different. Not just in the metaphor but in the format of the poem and the interesting medianation. u have balanced between a rather unusual metaphor with common imagery (esp the grind).. you have made grind sound like a nice thing ! (not that it isnt...but its all about the context...it is all about good writing. ) this is good writing. Excellent watever ur intention is (if it is an intense love experience or just an erotic desire) the writing is very well done.


  • cvillelisa
    May 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    hey i like this .. and your author's notes made me smile.
    makes me think of sculptors or an artist of some kind..
    i appreciate spare words that tell a good story ..
    peace, lisa


  • macandrew
    May 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    verygood

    I remember seeing staff members with a smile and glow. Usually too much information seeing as most of them were older.

    A good poem. I liked how you managed so much in so few words.
    John


  • my broken love
    May 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    this is a very small but powerful peice. very nice


  • minisecret
    May 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I love that thing you do, I love that thing you do. Etc. I could continue that mantra, but I'd rather not. Please send me pretty words for Millie to draw to. And come and picnic with me this summer, yes? Speaking of which, I'm probably coming up to Cranners during study leave, will you be around and amusing to chat to? Apparently my best feature is "candor". Oh! Write about me, go on go on. Perhaps I would return the favour.. I also feel like praising you (but only a little!) on your wit. Go on honey, let's have PJs. You know you'd like it deep down inside, even if you pretended not to give a 'darn'. xxxx


  • black--phoenix
    May 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    wow.. this is easily one of the best poems ive come across here yet. the brevity of this piece gives much more strength to your writing. you chose your words well, simple-minded.

1 - 8 of 8