beyond the fiery horizons
in deep blue
sun sets
Author notes
another attempt at haiku
Written May 10th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I don't know much about Haiku's but I like the poem even though it is short it gives alot of imagery. WEll done and thank you for sharing this with us it is good in my opinion
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if it's a haiku the top has too many sylobols, theres supposed to be 5, you have 9 the middle doesnt have enough, there are supposed to be 7, then 5 again on the third line, but other than the technical stuff this is a really good poem.
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Simple. Lovely.
Peace. -
You paint a lovely picture with this piece. And I see what Bezoar was talking about with the extra 'the's' in there. I have a suggestion, but only if you are interested. Thank you for reading so much of my work. I would be interested to hear your thoughts as well. Have a wonderful day. You are a lovely poet.
Lily ~* -
LOVELY , these words you chose makes a mind wonder throu the beauty and splendor of nature it self when those dieying hours of the glorious day aproach , excellent work , congrats you got my applause gal, anf hey ! thanks for the comment and taking the time to read my piece, hugs MARY
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Nice imagery. I can see that sunset. I agree sometimes 'less' is 'more'. Keep up the good words.
Regards,
Leo Long -
visit shadowpoetry.com. You'll find many poetry forms, how to write them and they give examples. If you're interested of course. Haiku's in there too.
~Bezoar -
thankyou for taking the time off to read my work and comment on it.now that you mention it i noticed the use of "the" word so many times, but cant think of any other word to replace it,
well i'll keep on thinking.
i didnt quite understand that new form of poetry you mentioned,maybe if you have time, i could do with a little bit of explanation.
never tried to writea ghazal myself though they are my fav kind of poems, rite know just trying out haiku.
good luck & god bless
lekha
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Beautiful vision
Not bad at all. I love the images. With haiku, less is best; in the quantity of words way. What I mean is try to make every word count. This is well done, I'm saying that now, but you've used the word 'the' three times in such a short piece. In the future try to watch those extra 'fluff' words. "The, that, in, of, etc..." Does that make sense.
Keep on writing. I want to read more. Make many more attempts at haiku. I'm embarrassed to admit that I haven't had the courage to post any of my attempts; but haikumonk has a great column on his page about it, and so I'm studying.
~Bezoar -
nice ku, and great imageary!
Tamara
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at the beach near my place when the sunsets the ocean and the sky both are dressed in the most beautiful tinge of orange, somedays it looks like the waters on fire. tried to capture those images,
glad you liked it and thankyou for the applause.
god bless
lekha
Edited on Jul 02 because ''. -
Lovely!!! Attempt, ssuuurrreeee... Do you see the sun set over an ocean or do you refer to the sky herself?
deena
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my pleasure
and thankyou for taking the time to read and comment on my poem
lekha
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I love the image this creates. Haikus are so awesome because they awaken all the senses and this was puts me in a very serene place. Great job! Thank you for sharing this and thank you for commenting on my poem.
Edited on Jul 07, 3:40 because ''. -
I love haikus, reading and writing them. This was very well done. I enjoyed it! Nice description too, I can definitly visualize it!!.
susan
ps \thank you for not making it 5-7-5 -
i don't have a whole lot of knowledge when it comes to haiku's, aside from the obvious...they're short, lol. your very few words were really descriptive though and i was able to see what you were saying. nice job on this. ">
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Lovely images confined in the expanse of a picturesque haiku! loved it.
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I don't really understand how a haiku works, but this seems to be as short as all the others! Not really something to go off though! Lol! It's very descriptive and you've obviously put a lot of effort into the choices of your words, the ones you have chosen work really well to pain the picture. Take care, Heather x
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Umm.. i got the picture.. would've been alot more appealing if it was richer with words.. but still.. good write :]
Nour- -
Excellent
This poem is succinct but the imagery is panoramic. Your background accentuates quite well. Sun is rising here in Dallas reading your lovely poem Sunset.
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Short and sweet. Very descriptive. Maybe you would like mine, Sundown,allpoetry.com/Poem/492699 God bless you
Rose
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