Smothered:
Trembling airways
Clutched in anxiety,
Words fear-bound in the dank chambers.
Deadened:
Flitting heartstrings
Murmured old-songs in depths,
Chantings fear-clutched 'neath trembling lungs.
Stifled:
Whisp'ring muscles
Clasped 'round wished outpourings,
Efforts - devoured in the womb.
Suppressed:
Need of speaking,
Deadened warmth, quenched ember;
What's not said melts not in dead air.
Author notes
This is a bit odd, but it's what came to me. The form was created by genielassie. For more on the "synquad," go to http://allpoetry.com/Contest/615673. I altered the punctuation and spacing a bit with this contest in mind. I would have loved to write an original for this contest since it seems to be right up my alley, but I'm going away tomorrow, which makes life a bit crazy. Enjoy!
Written May 6th, 2004
A contest entry
- Creatively Cryptic by Singer-of-the-old-harmonies.
400 points, ended July 8, 2004, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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you definately use good vocabulary in your poetry (maybe not specifically this poem) but the others that i read by you definately make ya step up your brain a notch or two
great writing
-Scott -
Wonderful
Hi, This was indeed interesting. The flow was smooth and the imagery was dark and mysterious. I am not familiar with this particular form, but I liked it. You have created images in my mind that were quite thought provoking indeed. Thank you for sharing this and thank you for reading and commenting on my write 'All that Glitters' The very best of luck in the contest my friend.
--Johnny -
Oooh... I really, really liked this piece. I realize you wrote it to fit the contest, but still, the words you chose for that form were just stunning. I had to read it twice just to make sure I wasn't missing anything. The imagery is amazing, and the wording just made me speechless. I don't know, I just love the way you phrased it all. The whole piece had a sort of ancient feel to me, very mysterious and such. This was an excellent piece, and I hope you did well in your contest.
Renae. -
Syllable count is fixed and approved by genielassie
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I saw genielassie's contest and checked out the form. I thought it was interesting, but your poem made me love it even more. I actually attempted one...it didn't turn out near this well. Thanks for auditioning! Elaina
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Interesting form, not one I am familiar with so I will believe genielassie
The content though is pretty good. You have some vivid descriptions and I enjoyed reading.
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Sorry about not hearing all the syllables in deevoured... I have a dictionary that has taken a backseat to my ears and a thesaurus over the years...lol... Your form is correct
best wishes and thank for not going Rocky on me for miscounting... lol.. Best wishes... ~genielassie~ -
Actually, yeah, if you pronounce it right, devour has 3 syllables. DEE-VOW-ER.
Yes, well written. I like how you stayed in the syllable count by using apostrophes. Seems sneaky, but yet, it makes it sound so poetic.
Rather depressing, which I guess is good, because you can really feel the emotion in it. Great job, good luck in the contest!
~Goldmare~
May the Horse be with you -
You're right about the 'whispering muscles' thing. I was reading it as if 'whispering' was 'whisp'ring.' Fixed that. 'Efforts devoured in the womb'--according to Merriam Webster, 'devour' has three syllables, so it is eight syllables (unless I read the pronunciation guide wrong, which is highly probable ). Thanks for the comment.
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Whispering muscles -five syllables needs to be 4
Efforts devoured in the womb. - 7 syllables needs to be 8
A great poem much angst in short lines, and well written. The syllable count doesn't factor until I reread when it is time to judge the contest. This is by ear, if a dictionary says otherwise, then let me know. Best wishes...~genielassie~
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