watching the leaves
follow you down the river
racing away
the Autumn wind
a little colder
Andrew Hide
06~05~2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Beautiful captured moments...
Autumn is one of my favorite seasons. There's always something so soothing about watching leaves swirl.
Knight70
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languid and lovely
i love the simplicity and the imagery
thank you
xx -
BRAVO
This is so short, but so visual, with intense feeling that can be triggered by just 2 or three words, you hit the jackpot.-rik -
lovely...can close my eyes and see the petal floating...
like the format too...have tried a couple tankas
there is something about the simplicity of tanka and haiku that i find very appealing (to write and to read).
well done!
~liz -
blossoms beautiful and ever so delicate
just lovely
good write
great imagery
lekha
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this is gorgeous. i have always wanted to know how to write tanka--perhaps i will join the class thank you for sharing this--i am very intrigued as how to create these myself. i love the images you have presented here and the overall feeling of calm that is here.
great job, thank you for this!! -
Beautiful write..flows so well x
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very serene, andrew, makes me want to stretch
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This was beautiful. Really puts you in a tranquil state of mind.
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Andrew, I can always count on you for a beuatiful pick me up!!!! Thank you so much for your poetry! ~Laura
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This was really sweet. I loved the picture you painted with the words. It was beautiful. Well done!
God Bless you,
Jenna
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I thought this was beautiful as it raised such a powerful image in my mind. Thank you for sharing
xxxx -
Beautiful
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I really, really love this. It captures so much emotion with so little. Good job!!
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Ohh, i like this, short but sweet definantly fit.... great imagery, i can just see a peacefull bubbling river with a beautiful flower flowing along, this poem has a very smooth flow, and is quite soothing, keep it up
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just to add - I hadn't read through your other works before I read this poem
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nice work
reminds me of a dream - one that is always slipping away. Very quick, yet full of feeling - good poem.
Work perhaps on other pieces of greater length though, they allow your diction to shine through on a more evident level. -
I like this poem it is short sweet and gets to the point of the shadow behind the poem i think you have done a good job and hope to see more poems like this one from you again good work and good luck
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Really emotional, I'm impressed. This is a beautiful tanka, Andrew. *cheer* I hope to someday write another tanka, but I think for now I'll first work on my haiku. Anyway, really great imagery here, well done. And good syllable count too. Keep up the great work!
~Goldmare~
May the Horse be with you -
whilst readfing this i pictured a beautiful scene, this is a great write. keep up the good work and i will hopefully be reading some more of your work good luck with your future writes....
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Tanka are tricky in their own right.... and you have written another excellent one. I'm very glad you're now on the teachers staff and will be hosting the a tanka class in our next School of Poetry session.
Nice work.
Don -
This is a very lovely and hmmmmm dreamy write. It evokes a dreamy picture in my minds eye where everythign is picture perfect and romanticised, poignantly lovely
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Hi Andrew:
A lovely and soothing write. So gentle in this vision you have created. Thank you for a wonderful Tanka. I really liked this one Andrew. Bill -
beautifully said you combine the atmosphere with the descriptions of the surroundings and your emotions in one perfect blend.
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excellent
This envoked a very beautiful scene before my eyes, a departing loved one and many flowers strewn upon the water. Both beauty and sadness.
Very well done.
John -
Thank you Opra Elf, your right, I've dropped the my.
It is smoother now
Andrew -
lovely
This is really beautiful. I like the underlying emotion and the images are breath-taking. Now, I am just an amateur at haiku...just starting to learn the intricate stuff...but I have a critique..and I don't know if it works better or not... But I am going to put it out there anyway.
I feel like everything is perfect except for the 4th line... I feel like it would be better without the 'my'. First of all, it flows better...and secondly, it seems unnecessary because it is perfectly understandable and flows really well into the last line.
"i feel contentment
seep from my heart"
I just thought that would really bring it together and tighen up any loose ends. Feel free to disregard, of course. But that is what I thought when I read this.
Beautiful poem, lovely imagery... You are really wonderful at japanese poetry forms.
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