Rafter hanging with a swallowed tongue
Heavy shoes, dirty nails, and my fly undone.
Knew it all along -- The whole time -- This boy's laugh -
- Is gone like an episode of "That's Incredible".
What I was seeking, found me asleep at the wheel
Head on, and completely face first through the window.
Love, sure, like an American Express card in a -
- Turkish prison. You raped my mind professionally.
I often thought of earlier things: Honeydew melon,
And scrambled eggs, the smell of smoke on citrus.
There are other memories too: Incest, hangovers, no -
- Safe place to sleep, and you everywhere, but with me.
Others will probably hope that you die alone, crazy,
But mother, I want you to hear me read like a big boy.
Exempt, with nothing in-between you, and your first born,
But cold-blind-light, and the unspoken words in passing.
Author notes
Written May 2nd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Join me, or Face Me? by Danteku.
600 points, ended November 5, 2004, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Great writing, great piece
David -
wow, this was great. It was very powerful and emotional. The flow was excellent and so was the imagery you used. It held my attention the whole time. Great work!
--You have just been Dented-- -
I bet.
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i liked this, it kept my interest the whole way through. which is not an easy task.
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Good
Man... this is crazy, I swear. I like it, can't say much to it... explain it a little to me sometime... it doesn't entirely fit what I need, but it's a good write. The essence of the feeling... -Dan -
5 bucks.
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cheerful lol just what i needed to make me smile. first one i
have read here, i like. can you lend me (how much are cd's these days?) £200?
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Because then Dave I wouldn't get to watch titchins like you attempt to be sarcastic.
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I loved this poem. Without doubt in my opinion a prize winning effort. I do expect to see work of this order published in a best seller somewhere in the world. Congratulations my good fellow, more please, the world awaits. dtp
RE: My previous comment; can't you recognize sarcasm when you read it? Honey dew melon?? Squeezed me dead?? Oh dear oh dear. May I say upon to you sir, what gives you the right to post negative comments on other peoples poems, when we have to edure your sub standard efforts? Why didn't you write something simple, like MOM you suck? Have a wonderful day. DTP
Edited on May 05, 4:14 because ''. -
genius
WOnderfully written. You interest me. You seem to be a generally intriguing person. I think what I like most about you is the personality, originality and incredibly written phrases you come up with/write/feel/etc. in your poetry. I haven't read enough of your work. I'll get my butt in gear, don't worry.
{_{[You seem very cool.))
+Dil -
Well, taking this from a contemporary point of view..I see a lot in it..almost conflicting angles. Though the stanza about the turkish prison stands out most to me ...Love not belonging, for one reason or another, which it is not my place to interpret..but that stanza sticks with me... I guess it's like that with most poems.
It's true.. poets are formed in the most unlikely ways sometimes... -
Jut because you're already grown and successful doesn't mean you have to stop now. You can always improve. And I think that if you didn't swear as much you could be even better, that's all. You don't have to take my advice or listen to anything I say, because what do I know? I'm just a KID, I know. I'm sorry if I offended you in any way, I just wanted to help.
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Jeremi Jeremi Jeremi, where do I even begin, with this one, well this one is so poetic to me, and your words once again are slendid, you are by far the greatest and up there in my book, along with my god ~Jim~ see you on the flip side!
~Rhiannon~ -
I was here wading through the stupid muck and mire of last night and it pissed me off so, I left. Alive, alive, alive you are .. my dearest dark orchid.
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shame so many of the INTERESTING comments here have been deleted. Oh well, the smells of smoke and citrus are fleeting.
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Thanks, I won the biggest cupi doll at the smallest Carnival in the world
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I loved this poem. Without doubt in my opinion a prize winning effort. I do expect to see work of this order published in a best seller somewhere in the world. Congratulations my good fellow, more please, the world awaits. dtp
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Potential, for what, I'm already a published writer, an actor a musician and a father of two wonderful children. I've lived my life well, you are still a KID.
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*sigh* Alright, I've read it again, and I sort of see now . . . And since you said to, I'll do my thing. God will forgive you, so I must as well. I don't hold grudges. I am sorry, but still you had no excuse to swear at us and insult like you did. I know what your mother did to you, but you have to be the bigger, better person. Ever heard of not stooping to their level? I'd just like you to do some thinking, that's all. Also, I never said I liked or didn't like your work in my comment, I simply said, "Hmm . . . very creative and interesting. This really does make you think." So I'll say it now. I did infact like the poem because of these things, and it made me very curious. I can see that you have potential, sir, and I just hope that you'll use it in the right way.
~~~§hanna~~~ -
IMayBeWrongButYou'reStillAGreatPoet!!!
It took me several years to identify with my parents, my father and I are good friends now, my mother and I are friends and talk on a regular basis, but I ask you, as one seeing reality, how did family become a place to hang out and get drunk, laugh at the world, forget you need support, smoke a joint, play video games-instead of taking trips to the park, and learning lessons through stories told, and heard a thousand times, instead-the guise of momma, and daddy, has no face anymore, merely friends in the same boat, with out any paddles, fend for yourself, and oh, if you can save me son, throw me a quarter would ya?...right........right....ya know, I say fella....mom's a tough cookie to understand, but having seen the possibility of her choices that made you feel ignored, or whatever, or less of a being, what would you have her do differently...really?...anyways...intense write, draws me into the real you...not just a play of words to confuse most irrational monkeys...I'm left feeling sad..nothing more...nothing less...just sad...sorry it had to be that way...but oh what a character she created...you'll not fear the world...you'll not step back...you'll not give up for the likes of anyone...but you'll try for her...to understand anyways...what the fuck do I know..?..I'm a monkey too..I'll shut up...fuck...God Bless...
*Bugs & Fishes*
's & 
's
's & *Wishes*
*RollyPollies & Me!*
~*Glet
rica/C. L. Brandon K.*~
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although i don't agree that this poem sucks, thanks
~Kate -
Wow, well, I really liked it, and found certain lines especially intruiging ("mother I want you to hear me read like a big boy." for example) Although even though I really liked it, I'm kinda scared to actually comment.
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Brilliant!
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Hmm . . . very creative and interesting. This really does make you think.
~~~§hanna~~~ -
interesting
Yes interesting poem....i really don't know what else to say but
Interesting poem. -
Excellent
good, there is a horrible truth to it, i think, thats part of what makes it so good. great metaphors, great imagery.
~Kate -
interesting poem... I think that needs to be read again... I'm not sure I completely get it... but great job expressing what (i think) are negative feelings towards love... it has a great voice...
Trin
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