by ~Gregg Rowe~
He bays:
at the moonlight,
seeks out nightly creatures
on a cold snowy winter night
to mate
He howls:
his deep gray voice
echoes on the prairies,
he reveals his hunger tonight
to mate
He howls:
his voice transcends
masculine gutturals--
as she approaches cautiously
to mate
He howls:
she challenges
him; animal sounds through
the woods vibrate, another howl:
they mate
He howls:
one last time as
his evening's pleasure turns
to descend down the snow-crested
mountain
He growls:
slumbers to sleep
in a winter warm den
where wolves habitat under peaked
moonlights
Author notes
A special thank you for Ava Noire and her suggestion outlined in her critique for an improvement on the cinquains. 
Written May 2nd, 2004
In a list
- Fields of Miscellaneou
s • next in list - Gregg's Golden Cups • next in list
- Gregg's Bronze Cups • next in list
- Traditionali
st Form Freak • next in list
A contest entry
- Write Me A Poem About Wolves (CONTEST) by Pookiebubu.
300 points, ended August 26, 2005, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I hope you do not mind an in-depth critique Gregg.
As you know, I do love Cinquains. Someone suggested I read this and I was pleased to see a collection of poetry in my favorite form.
1.
“Howls,” and “bays,” give the same image, they generate the same sound. I suggest eliminating, “howls,”
and go with “he bays
at the moonlight,”
so that “moonlight,” isn’t broken up into two lines and it will read more smoothly, the image will be stronger. Also you will not have two words that mean almost the same thing.
I get the feeling of loneliness, as he is looking for a mate and thus, warmth. “Cold, snowy, winter,” is a little repetitious. You could just say “snowy winter,” because that gives evidence enough that it is cold. Snow = cold. That would free up syllable space to describe maybe what type of mate, or whatever you want to do.
2.
“he announces his hunger tonight,” I don’t know if it is me, but I get 9 syllables there. You could use “reveals,” rather than “announces,” so that it would fit with the syllable count. Otherwise, very well done. I love the feeling of growing passion and the need for him to find a mate.
3.
Very well done. I liked the word “gutturals,” and how well you are paying close attention to detail in describing the cold night and the sounds he is making in his attempts to find a mate.
4.
Very well done.
5.
Very well done. I love the image of him watching her go.
6.
I see you repeat “evening,” I like to suggest using a different word there so it isn’t repeated. I also feel the last two lines don’t work quite as effectively as they could. “after they mate,” and “to sleep,” is what I feel the focus of editing attention should be on.
I hope I have helped in some way. I enjoyed reading this, the images it conjured were vivid.
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e e hal: Thank you for that overlooked mistake on echoes, I really appreciate it when others see the mistakes we so often overlook in editing and proofreading our works and pointing them out to us graciously. I learned the cinquain from Ava Noire also, but not through her class, but through a contest she was hosting. They are such an intense and economical poems. gregg
Edited on Aug 26, 8:05 because ''. -
This is an amazing piece. I just finished Ava Noire's cinquain class, so I can actually say I know a thing or two about this form. I love the repetition you've used, as well. It helps to connect each cinquain. This is the first time I've seen a poem made up of multiple cinquains, but you have made this work, telling quite a simple story in a very mystical way. Such is the life of the wolf, right?
My only critique would be of a spelling error, I noticed. In your second cinquain, you write, "echos". The correct spelling would be 'echoes'.
Thank you for entering my contest, and good luck! -
Another one from you?! YES! Heh, I love your poetry, so getting two in my contest is a real treat!
The repetition of "He howls" is so beautiful. You have a talent for allowing your words to flow uninhibited through the readers mind. And I love the beautiful and artistic way you've written this. It is truly what I'm looking for in a nature/wolf poem.
Thank you for the first and second entry. It is most appreciated.
~Liadan -
This is so natural Gregg, as the seasons have their time for bringing pleasure and joy, also, too the animal kingdom has its own part to play in the nature of things.
A beautiful poem Gregg, well done!
~Katie~
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awesome poem!! Thanks for entering my contest, and good luck.
sincerely,
~Sara~ -
Kristen: Thank you for considering my poem as a winner. I had to put it under erotica because of the subliminal message conveyed throughout it, at least that was I was told by one of the moderators who had read it. I am glad you enjoyed it as much as I had fun penning it. Gregg
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Not really erotica at all. Had to change my age to read this though. Great piece of the mating of wolves. Liked it. Best of luck and thanks for entering my contest. Blessed be.
Kristen -
Beautiful poem on nature and the mating of wolves. Thanks for entering this contest, and good luck.
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Love the repetition that this form lends to this chain. Vibrant images, and I could feel the call of the wild as I read. Very well done.
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That was excellent. The repetition of He Howls added to the power of this piece. As well as his deep gray voice. Giving me that sense of a deep vibrating voice that can lose you and block out your own voice and senses when it's made. I liked how it was made here. Nicely done.
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Grins beautiful job Gregg. Thank ye. Hugs him Forgive short comment, gettin ready to go ta school gags Oh well ^_^
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i agree with the others this was a great write, the repitition made the poem,
well done
lisa -
Good one Gregg,loved it my friend~love to you~Joan
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Wow! I love this one, Gregg (of course, if you know me, you know I love wolves). This is beautiful. You made me see and hear him. Very good job. Loved the repitition too.
~Tawnya~ -
You made it. Good job Gregg darlin
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i agree with twelvecordspent about th repetative line,really makes the poem
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i love the repetition; the way you state he howls before each stanza really does this poem justice along with the title
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Did I make it! Did I make it! Whew, that was a rush job (a quickie?!
) man...just saw it up looked at the pic and said 'What the hell do I write in less than an hour?', thanks for helping me keep my creative juices (only one of them) flowing!
Edited on May 02, 3:06 p.m. because ''. -
VERY beautiful job Gregg I thank you for entering this piece. I like the repetition of "He Howls" A few of the stanzas I noticed followed a Cinquain form. Nice job.
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