my teacher tells me
this orbit of explosives
SUN!
is the reason that my plants continue to live.
all the while,
i take perfect papers, white,
&fold them into swan like-shapes
or around some tobacco.
&they become origami cigarettes
that i toss onto the ground;
like the earth is my ashtray.
®arding pleasure
of the detached kind,
only the singers get to experience
utopia.
children’s toes are precarious
little bubbles
that are always pressing flat blades of grass,
to squish out the chlorophyll.
a garden hose becomes jewelry
around a watering can,
circling like a necklace made of rubber
&the colour of spring.
i told my teacher that skeletons shimmy
deep inside my closet;
&play with blankets &pillows,
&shake there, hoping i will open the door;
maybe holding a gin &tonic.
then my teacher,
in her elementary glory
she said, “or maybe a plant in full bloom.”
Author notes
Written May 1st, 2004
A contest entry
- teacher, teacher, I declare ...... (Contest for new members in May) by AP Greeters.
300 points, ended June 2, 2004, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Good expressive words to how you felt in this poem. Very talented.
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This was an enjoyable read, thanks largely to its unique style and flow. While it is the first entry I've read for this contest, I've got a suspicion it'll stand out even after I've read all of the others.
Best of luck in the contest! -
& ?? sorry, doesn't cut it for me, a word is a word, and a word is meant to be written properly. Words were around long before abreviations as such I think we should use them wisely. Please change it and I'll read it again. I know I sound harsh but I can't help it. But, I did read it, and I did like the image it portrays, Dave.
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very good
I like your choice of words and the way you have used them.
I did have to read a couple of lines twice before the true meaning became clear, but perhapes this was a reflection of my understanding.Can we ever truely understand someone else's poems, esspecially in conection to emotional attacment??
I like to try!
I did'nt like the use of the & key, it seemed to shake the structure of that line for me.
Good poem, I liked it alot, I think that you may have been (like me) a bit of a day dreamer in class!
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I liked the way this sprung 'roots' (nice metaphor you got there) and touched on the lives and society beyond the specific memory. That's what education does- it doesn't end the day you leave school/college, but is carried through, used, changed, developed etc'. technically I agree with Tina Brannon - nice use of controlled rhythm.
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Very visual with SUPERB descriptives, even though I'm not sure I understand it. At first, I thought it is you being preoccupied with day-dreaming while you're hearing the truth about the things of nature and its ecology ; but it gradually points to human behavior as we under estimate the tiny destructions we are giving the earth. Yes?...er..No? lol.
Good entry even if I think you could have directed more ABOUT the teacher,rather than what he was teaching.! Thank you for sharing, and welcome to the site! Warmly,CookieZeal
Edited on May 06, 3:59 p.m. because ''. -
Great rhythm and control. The descriptions really stood out vividly and realistically in my mind. I love the ending too.
Welcome to AP and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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Hmmmm not sure if I would class this as beat personally as the rhythm seems to be off... might be the use of abbreviations though... Never the less a good entry, and a wonderful piece.
Good luck and thanks for entering
Hayley x x -
The '&' put me off and I'm a stickler for unabbreviated words -however I like the content, sounds like you were bored during class and went off on a journey of your own.
Good entry, good luck and Welcome
~Von~
Edited on May 19, 7:45 p.m. because ''. -
Well, it looks like this teacher got through to you ... there's some educational aspects in these verses. I especially like the stanza about the children's toes ..
Good luck in the contest and welcome to allpoetry.
Dee
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Interesting. I am not knowledgable in beat, so I can't judge on that aspect, but I do like the use of & and other symbols used in this. Not sure if it is about a teacher, or just has a teacher mentioned in it, or just the teacher was so boring that your mind wandered during the class(I had my share of those teachers)
Welcome to Allpoetry and good luck with the contest
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