key
Running through a dust cloud
innocuously arrogant,
she would play;
and she would play with brittle,
the most brittle subjects;
her demons tumbling around her
and in possession of all the keys;
immortal virgin,
immortal child.
there was a sense that time need not be wasted;
that these brittle things
must be broken,
or placed well.
There was no such thing as too hard
for the free and idle mind,
for the child's genius,
to face;
there were many demons to meet,
dimensions to run through;
shattering them
in splashing of burst bubbles,
sending ripples far,
turning and turning,
folding force,
wielding power;
as only a child of five can.
door
the secret of force involving the mind;
the responsibility, is to absorb well:
field the blow, soft or hard;
let no violence be greater than your strength child.
The lesson of such so far,
child,
is a gauntlet hitting hard,
challenging play:
there, where we are Fate's subjects,
one cannot be arrogant with them.
impudence will darken the cloud,
impatience does not bode well;
there outside of your mind
where the other side you meet
of that door revealing us: Fate's.. Flotsam .. Subjects .
A contest entry
- the key & the door by shinigami-one.
800 points, ended January 30, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
enjoy
Comments
-
the secret of force,
the responsibility
is to field the blow:
let no violence be greater than your strength.
I loved these lines eventhough they don't seem to work for a "Door Poem"...they're pretty much a stand alone piece. -
this Key is the closest to being correct that I've read so far. your "s" and "u" use the same word "through" which creates a problem to write door poems ("s" and "u" are pretty common letters at that).
remember that the door poem continues the rhyme scheme from the key to create a hidden message from the rhyme scheme. other than those 2 reused words, your key works. there are some other word endings that are very close phonetically (ie. virgin, broken) but if carried through from their last 3-letter-blend-sounds then they will work.
as it stands, your door doesn't seem to work. it starts with the letter "x" for the hidden message and other word endings aren't within the alphabetical rhyme scheme's scope. awesome key, I'm excited to see how your revision finishes this piece.
I thank you for the time you put into this. It's a bit confusing, but once you know how to do it they're a lot of fun.
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