The tie, noose of white-collar slavery
The outfacing vividity had faded now
And is frayed at the edges with necessity
Its silk still speaks of pecuniary promise
And of a prison with padded walls.
Author notes
Hmm, again, very rough, please tell me what to change!
Written April 29th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
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Well, that's down-lifting.
I don't want to be reminded of the corporate beast that infects our lives and makes us slavey.
So I will sing a happy song and skip merrily away.
La-la-la.
Skippety. -
Well...I tackled the pillow earlier and might as well tussle with the tie a bit, eh?
I used to wear ties as part of a manager uniform, but that's passed beyond the veil, thank god. I did, however, find them useful for blotting up any spilled coffee and kept my shirt from heathen harm. Never patched one with duct tape, but I did use paper clips when the inside loop thingiemajob broke and I couldn't find a tie clip.
Prison with padded walls? Bit cynical in tone -- but perhaps some feel that way. A clip-on would give you better breathing space, but I always liked the feel of a real wool tie (if you gotta wear one -- make it nice).
Interesting. Rough you say in comments? Not that I can see... -
I loved it. Very simple, funny, and yet deep. Since you asked for suggestions... You could connect the various points a little more. The second line doesn't seem to connect too well with the final three lines. Perhaps a little more about this unique imagination? You state that the tie is fading with this uniqueness and yet simultaneously is still neccesary. So perhaps exploring this a little bit more might help. But I like how it is brief and to the point, so if you do add anything, don't add too much! Part of its power is how the poem resonates so much despite it's brevity.
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Oh the confinements of upper class. LOL
Seriously though I think this is a good draft. Im not too sure about "Has faded with the unique imagination" it doesnt seem to connect with the line after. Then again I may not know anything. Its just the other lines seem to tie (ha get it) in better...Explain that line to me...
otherwise I like these Odes you're writing to randon objects. You should write an Ode to shaving cream or a hairbrush. LOL (I need a life)
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