Flies drift lazily
among overgrown grass.
Sweet drunken smell
of blooms and rich earth
perfumes sunlight
and air, lying thick
like mirages of black oil
on hot pavement.
Hints of warm weathered
dreams overpowered by
velvet sleep and procrastination.
Night creatures
twist and turn in
bedsheets laden
with viscous worries,
smothered in nocturnal
preoccupation
as 2 a.m.’s honeyed gauze
tangles our minds
in summer’s strange
wilted night spells.
Distant siren of a season.
Chlorine and sunscreen
hold pictures of me,
vague as smoke
on the edge of dusty wind,
incomplete as so many
unanswered questions.
Smiling, I meet that same
singed noon once again.
Author notes
The weather's getting warmer, the days are getting longer, and my Muse is finally coming back to me.
Written April 28th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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i love the descriptive-ness in this poem...it flows so beautifull and is just awesome! i love it! great write!
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xcellent
yoo paint a picture with words very well .. great imagery! your ability to create an atmosphere is outstanding. this is very well expressed. a very good write! enjoyed reading very very much
-turps -
Thank you for the comment, I think I will change that to a.m., as long as it looks good. This poem was written on the spur of the moment, sudden inspiration from one hot day and there it was. I like the night creatures stanza, too, I almost left it out because in the beginning it sounded too cliche, but I tinkered with it and now I am very happy and think it sounds quite original, which is how I wanted it to be. I think this poem is a very good sample of my writing style, and I am very glad that people are enjoying it. Thank you again, and this is to all the critiquers.
xoxo forevermore
Edited on May 10, 11:59 p.m. because ''. -
descriptive!
wow, this is truly amazing, i wish i could write about a season with such descriptive, imaginative words! i love the night creatures stanza, it really stands in contrast to the other two and allows the end to sound more final. one thing that kinda stood out was "2 am's" i am an avid proofreader and i'm not exactly sure how to make this work. i would suggest "2 a.m.'s" but it still makes sense the way it is, so i leave any changes to your discretion.
Thank you for sharing this truly wonderful and pleasant write. i thoroughly enjoyed reading it and hope you continue to write more poems with such enthusiasm!
God bless!
~Faile~ -
Holy Poop, this is awesome!
This poem is packed full of description! Wow! I'm blown away by it, really!
Suggestions... hmm.. this is a tough one... I'd have to say to work on your punctuation in this poem (to get the rythem just right when read and when read aloud), and to spell out two instead of 2. I don't know why, it just stuck in my mind a bit.
Again, this was an awesome poem - I can't wait to read a few more by you!
Oh, and thank you for your critique on "Crazy Ain't So Bad" - it's what lead me to read some of your work!
Courtney -
warm,and cozy,i dig it!!
i loved this poem,this poem was everything that summer has to offer!! it was creative,honest and down to earth poetic!! i could smell the flowers and feel the sun on my skin!! your talent beams from your soul!! super job!! -
Ah, this is wonderful. It's so well-worded and descriptive...I think you captured the hazy, heavy, lazy warmth. Quite truthfully, I do NOT love summer...but the winter was long, and the spring has been wet, and I'm definitely looking forward to summer (we'll see how long that lasts
). Beautiful, I could feel that heavy air...that just impressed me so much.
-Proxy
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