again
I watch the tide sweep
the debris
all that remains
now you're gone
Andrew Hide
28~04~2004
Author notes
Allpoetry school tanka class will soon be avalible.
Written April 28th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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all is good
It must be me, but I’m still looking for a leap here, hummmm. Still this has a certain quality to it, which I like.
Sorry, just couldn’t help myself, chuckle, chuckle. Had to relate to yours.
Seawater flying
Air, water, sun and my arms;
We are at once one
Your embrace is still my thirst
Standing alone without you.
Cold Embrace (a suite of tanka)
SirPort
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Excellent!
I like how you brought out the sadness in this tanka. L1 has a very strong impact here with just one word making the reader get trapped and concentrate fully on this piece. I like the imagery in this write. The pivot line, L3, blends the Kaminshu and Shimonoku very well. This definitely has a melancholic tone to it. From the way it flows and it's content, I am taking a wild guess here that this is reminiscent in style to Ono no Komachi. Am I correct? This resonates very well too in L5.
I liked this.
Charishma -
If life truly were a river, the tide would be full of debris, that we wish would be taken with the tide to another beach...
This is so poignant. -
Very poignant write Mr Hide, as always you say so much with so few words... the mark of a true poet
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Beautiful
What beautiful imagery and feel painted in so few words! I liked this very much, Andrew! -
Very nice and sad imagery, didn't expect that end though.
Very well done!
Loking forward to tanka class!
Mari
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I like this! It's first Haiku i understand (sort off!). I would like to try my hand at Haiku, but i need a few pointers on the criteria....
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Beautiful !!
I guess it is time for me to start writing this type of poetry. I haven't tried it yet. I recently started with haiku and cinquain. That is what I love about this site, you learn so much from so many great poets. Thanks for this great poem. Cheryl -
Once again you have done an amazing job, this is just wonderful, I have written a Tanka too, see what you think.....Great write............
Take care
Sanity.
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I really enjoyed this Andrew, a good example of the form. Can you make a note that I would like to do the Tanka class?
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very good
I found this poem to have 2 very interesting sides to it. First that life has fallen apart (abit) and now all is debris and second, that nature is taking it normal path and cleaning things up. Eventually life will be better if nothing more than cleaner.
Very good poem.
thanks,
John -
A tanka with a twist. It never ceases to amaze me how much can be packed into so little space. Alove it and I look forward to the class as well.
Susan -
This is awesome! i love it alot. beautiful.
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this poem really was beautiful...it's short and sweet but powerful, and i was mildly surprised with that last line. i like how there isn't much emotion in the way you wrote the poem, it's more like you're stating a fact which alludes to your emotions...basically showing, not telling...did that make sense? lol okay well anyway, nifty work ^.^
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This is a beautiful poem. It has awesome images in it. The last couple of lines really tie everything together. Keep up the excellent work!! I look forward to reading more of your pieces.
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OperaElf had the right idea explaining it if I may repeat words: The first three draw vivid picture in my mind with words, the last two draw everything together and end in a very melancholy way, beautifuly simplistic, I will agree. Keep up the great work, and thanks for sharing.
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Excellent
Hi Andrew:
This is a wake me up kind of Tanka. As I started reading, I didn't expect the ending that you gave us. I enjoyed this write and as you know, I enjoy Tankas as well. Thank you for this write.
Bill -
Awwwwwwwwwwwwe.
How touching, and sad.
Makes me want to cry for you.
I love your poem. It is good.
FifthDove -
lovely
Well this is good news! I just posted a question about Tanka in the Oriental poetry group. Now that I see yours, I have a clearer picture of what they are supposed to be. Also, the fact that you are going to be runing a Tanka class is very very exciting! I truly want to learn about this style of poetry
Anyway, on to your poem! I think that this is quite beautiful. The first three lines paint an incredibly vivid picture in my mind. Then the last two tie it all together. This poem evokes such strong, wistful emotions. Melancholy could be a good word. This has such beautiful simplicity. Excellent job. I though it was lovely Bravo.
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