Powdered bones and mirage
have turned my face away.
This heat, these lines, intersecting
ahead and behind my sun crawl.
Pale, then red to bronze, now brown
Blistering, peeling inside out and beyond
The dunes, sidewinders, mountains perpetually
unreachable, teasing me with safer shadow.
Back skeletal, knees sand papered down
to tendon and nerve. I serve the sky, a left
over lover long of nail and without time
A counter of clouds, a rain dancer on the verge...
Of thunder, or death without song.
Author notes
Written April 26th, 2004
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Death without song...That's a nice touch, but wouldn't it be more of a coincidence if there was a song playing? I'm just tripping out a bit...very visual piece, colorful, calm, and slightly spasmic...like a mental patient with tourette's or something...dense (deep stuff)
peace
Chris -
Wow this is a thought provoking piece indeed. It is also a slap in the face poem that wakes up all the senses. Very brilliant in its' content. I like the metaphor of the desert as it tracks footprints on the heart. There are many trials and some come out dancing in the rain because of faith that they have without AND within that is displayed very nicely in this piece. It helps those to realize that life is short and passes quickly and leaves a lasting impression. This person seems like they have gone thru lots in their life but still have an appreciation for all the small things. thank you very much for entering and good luck.
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You do realize you are the only person alive that doesn't know what this poem means, but don't let that DEPRESS you, have hope. After all it's only why I wrote the fucking thing to begin with.
Edited on Apr 26, 9:53 p.m. because ''. -
Do you want me to explain any complicated words for you too like 'mountain' or 'desert' or 'rain' lol? I know... this poem is really about taco bell at lunch time and maxi pads with berry scented wings...
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Lol, I'm not angry, you asked I told you? Don't mistake reality for fiction. Why would I be angry with you? Wouldn't that be rather retarded on my part? Even more retarded than not being able to figure out the metaphor of a man walking through the desert for christ sake.
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well i have no idea where these words have come from, and why you have suddenly become so angry with me...anyway don't make this an issue over Americans, that's so stereotypical, anyway thanks again...
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In other words... rain is earned, not expected, or freely given away.
Quit whining and live your best life... After all this isn't a fucking field trip to disney land, and odds are most sniffling americans depressed and cutting themselves because Bobby Mccalister from PE is fucking their best friend Jenny should take a long look at the real world because it's a desert, not a free room in your parent's basement until you're 40. -
Life is like walking through a desert,
why be a fat evil cowboy, when you can
be a beautiful rain dancing native, savy? -
This is interesting, i like it but i don't think i get it in it's entirety...anyway, if you'd like to explain it to me in more depth i'd be willing to listen, however i am judging this rather soon so sorry if you miss me...anyway thanks for entering and good luck to you!
take care
-Stac- -
i just see, this very weathered man, with sun lines etched onto his face. hair windswept..etc.
(i know..weird)
this is both harsh, and delicate.
and i have to say, death's song, never echoed so loudly in this.
N... -
Thanks David, how's the job search?
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This is a huge chunk of... something nice but heavy. Like a big rock with sparkley bits of mica in it. Not that you'd really be able to lift it or anything, but you could stand there and admire it while the last of the water in your body evaporates away...
Serve the sky. Fuck the rest of this shit. -
we have a winner!
that's wonderful writing
david -
You've tabbed it perfectly. Dammed sidewinders, unreachable shadows of safety, and "under this inverted bowl we call the sky, whereunder crawling cooped, we live and die" (Omar Khayyam), and stuck in these organic bones that turn to dust...
This is great stuff. A reader can really dig his shovel into this. Of course the hot, dry wind blows everything away, but the memory of the gold dust in this sticks around. -
High plains drifter meets Paris Texas.. that's what I got here.. Loved it.. hope you do good in the contest..
~GILL~xxxx -
*brava*
Beautiful. You can feel the sun burning away a layer of cells every second, knowing soon it will burn out your heart... Scary. But scary things can often be beautiful. To quote: " It's beautiful. When you see something like that, you know it's the work of God. He's looking at you. And if you're careful, you can look straight back." American Beauty. Possibly the best film ever made. -
sounded cool... didnt really get the meaning but drugs will have that affect on u B lmao sounded cool tho laterz ~X2c~\
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too much pear farming in the desert? heat stroke can be a brilliant muse...missed you.
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It seems you are a coaxer of rain, desperate for its cooling influence....but we know not whether you succeed...I will stop before i betray my intellectual inadequacy....OOOps. too late.
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Jury out, but even so...
Produce or shrivel, sing or die in the heat. Is it the past? Is it an inner drive? a wrathful god? This is very interesting and difficult to grasp. Serving the sky, timeless, forgotten, intimate, but merciless. I am somewhat thrown. -
Very nice. I liked the lines
"Pale, then red to bronze, now brown
Blistering, peeling inside out and beyond
The dunes, sidewinders, mountains perpetually
unreachable, teasing me with safer shadow."
Nicely written. Good Job. -
Strong emotions
A well-written poem with a strong emotional content that leaves a lasting impression. I loved these lines:
"A counter of clouds, a rain dancer on the verge...
Of thunder, or death without song."
Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest! -
this was such a well written poem. The phrase 'unreachable, teasing me with safer shadow' really struck me as profound!Good luck!
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I like it and hope you win, I am doing this slam prose poetry contest if you are intrested here is the link http://allpoetry.com/Contest/602268
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