I'm a loser
I'm poor and ugly
You knocked me down
with your verbal assault
You murdered my spirit
with your preppy kicks
delivered by designer shoes
You crushed my heart
with your hit-and-hit again
in your mercedes benz
I'm left a bloody mess
that no one sees
I hate you
but not as much
as I hate me
Author notes
Bronze in UsedAndAbused's contest allpoetry.com/Contest/621604
Written April 25th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Bully or bullied by UsedandAbused.
300 points, ended May 20, 2004, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 82 of 82
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This poem states how you hate the ones that hurt you, yet also states what it does to us, making us hate ourselves, sometimes this is a hate that was instilled by the words that were said by the bullies, but more often than not it is a hatred of allowing them to be stronger than us and us not standing up to be counted. Often this stems from things at home, but enough pressure from the bullies can make anyone crack, remember you are who you are and for others to love you, you must love yourself..........Please take care of you and if you need to talk.............
UsedandAbused
Edited on May 20, 2:30 because ''. -
First, thanks for your entry in mu contest. You done a beautiful job on writing this. Keep up the excellent work!! I look forward to reading more of your writings!!
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WOW I hadn't seen this one....
this is excellent...no wonder you rode the list all week!
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wow...... this is really great. it speaks to me. i'm inspired.this is very touching. i hate preps and jocks, i don't know exactly what you feel, but i know a version of it. good write.
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This is a very disturbibg write, yet, it (unfortunatly) reminds me of... myself.. I am the outcast at school, always looked down upon, kicked and hit, sneered at and hated.. yet they dont even know me. They dont know my conditions, my thoughts, my LIFE! - Oops, sorry, getting a little carried away.. Nice write, keep up the good work!
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Standard
The author of this poem from a purely Freudian viewpoint seems to have struggled early on in his/her relationship with peers. Apparently due to a negative encounter with the idealize popular view, or perhaps a failed attempt to fill in that very image, has left whispernthedark emotionally scared. The already instilled belief that all preps are punk hating, no good, snot nosed, designer shoe'd jerks, has lead whispernthedark to merely confirm his/her beliefs. It is easier to find the thing's you're looking for than to find the things you don't believe in. By regarding all "preps" as haters of his or herself, whispernthedark in essense creates the very hateful environment he/she despises. The belief that one is ugly comes with having low self-esteem which may be due to these negative encounters with socially beautiful individuals who degrade others in order to raise their own self-esteem. Find a group to be comfortable with and through a build self-confidence, beauty will fluorish.
Edited on Apr 30, 10:55 p.m. because 'spelling error'. -
good flow,keeps you reading instead of drifting,true to life for so many people.
moon -
This was good....i wish i had a mercedez benz...-daydreaming-
lol great write -
Wow. Man this was powerful. It showed so much of the torment that those who are picked on feel. It's a horrble place to be in society, especially ours. If this peom was written about yourself, my love and support goes out to you. Peace be with you.
~~~~Serenity~~~~ -
absoluely great... I admire anyone with talent ...I am inawe of the gift of talent... you , my friend have a great gift ..use it often..I will read ...freda
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man, i'm so glad i'm not still in high school. people seem to be getting more and more horrible all the time, or maybe they're just getting less worried about hiding it. i don't know. what i do know though is that this is an awesome piece of writing, it has real impact. fantastic write, keep it up.
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I can so relate to this poem, and I love the way you use your words... You did a very good job, this was well worth reading.
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It was good, a well though out and well written poem. Although I don'tagree with it's text, it had a good flow. Thanks for sharing ~*~Jes
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...wow... this was really good. you did a great job showing what really does go on in the world sometimes. people with the name brands do sometimes tend to think they're better than other people. anyway this was a very straight to the point and moving peice. great write.
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JUST APPLAUSE
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Sounds like there is low self esteem. No one should let anything get them down. No one is better than anybody. This poem was sad. But I enjoyed it. Its how I feel sometimes. It has great expression and talent.
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Well there was some definite craziness there... I posted a comment and then my computer did some craziness and so I tried to post it again but it said the comment had already been posted but it's not on here so I thought I'd try one more time
This is a very good poem. It carries so much emotion and most people can relate to it. We live in the most depressing place. I don't know how people can treat each other so badly and not feal like dirt.
My favorite parts of this poem where the end lines
I'm left a bloody mess
that no one sees
I hate you
but not as much
as I hate me
These were absolutely perfect. They carried so much weight. Great poem Glad to have read it zee
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A powerful poem that paints the emotions of anger, hurt, deception and "unsafe" people so well! This poem also flows very well and describes rejection at its best - well-written.
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Wow, that was written very well, it's got so much anger and pain inside, I can relate, keep up the good writing
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Really good, enjoyed reading this! Thanks for sharing
Bella.x. -
This is such a wonderful piece. The emotion is raw, real, representing reality as do the happenings in the content. Structure is perfect, vocabulary is appropriate; making this just an overall great write. It did slightly remind me of the book American Psycho, or more of an opposite effect of the characters. Great job.
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It's sad that people have to treat each other this way, and while I would love to say that they grow out of it, a lot of people stay in that same mentality, and are always putting others down just to make themselves feel better or superior. You have crafted a great poem here about it though, and I can feel the emotions jsut flowing out of this piece. Great write, and I do hope things get better.
Joshua
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:( Sad
Great write. This is really meaningful, like how it really feels yto be...an outcast. Now that I read this and think of all of the cruel things I have done to...social lepers, I feel really bad. I am so sorry you had to go through anything like this and you can fully IM me an tell me about it. I would like to know.
Leah -
Don't ya just hate preppys? I can't stand people who think they are better than others because of what they drive and/or how much money they have.
The thing to remember is they call names and what not cuz they are afraid of not having friends, so if they can make others laugh by acting all big and bad and make others fear them at the same time then they win and keep lots of followers. if they only knew most of them actually only hang out with them to keep from getting picked on by the assholes.
Great write.
hugs and bites, Lady Raven -
awesome!
This is really good! I mean, youve heard it a million times before, but i think just about eveyone can relate to this one here! Nice expression in this, viualization is a great thing. Keep up the good work. -
Excellent
A sad poem, words well expressed. you communicated your meaning
Well done -
Don't hate yourself, it only hurts you, I should know, I used to hate myself, then I accepted myself and life changed, ignore the preps too. it helps. Great write and use of expression, I saw pictures as I read this poem of yours
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the shit. definatly the shit
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wow, you just almost described me perfectly. wow. great write, i really like it.
anna -
mercedes benz is a cool car.
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Excellent
WOW, this is very sad and the ending was even more like ouch! Excellent write, thanks for sharing and keep them great writes coming. "f -
Amazing Write!
So sad, just as I find myself penning away this way, I must tell you, these words of crime untrue, may hurt strait to the core, and leave you wounded forevermore...But I lift you up with kind words, maybe some you never heard, one's of you are great, and not the ones that fuel the hate...Keep on penning my poet friend, and may you someday soon mend.... You express yourself through poetry, so wonderfully I see!
Much love always, and thanks for being you!
-Timothy
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Sad but True
awww! I can completely relate to this poem... Unfortunately. I'm 26 (passed the high school drama) and only receive this "cruelty" at jobs... I guess it never ends... It makes me more and more crazy tho.. In the "need to fix it" or "leave it" sense... Frustrating. Just recently left a job (w/out calling or anything) cuz I was just sick of it. Sick of feeling 15 again. By how they treated me... Didn't feel bad either.
Anyway - great write. Love the background too.
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In the game of chess, there's a certain, not-to-popular strategy that I call, "deception." It's when I deliberately make my position appear weaker than it really is to my opponent. Thus, he is deceived into thinking that he can safely attack me. Hopefully, I will be able to surprise him.
In general, especially in public, I have found that it's okay for others to think I'm weaker that I really am. That way, if someone decides to confront me, he'll find that he's bitten off more than he can chew.
I'm not sure why I'm comfortable with this. I can't explain how appearing weak becomes a form of security to me. Maybe it's because I know that hit-and-runs are illusions and won't permanently affect me. It's kinda like why I wouldn't rat out a cheater during an exam. My line of thinking was, "Go ahead, buster. Cheat your way through life. But when the time comes that you REALLY have to know what you're doing, you'll fail miserably, and I'll be there to clean up the mess."
When you hate yourself for the sins of others, are you not simply justifying their overly-inflated egos and encouraging repetition of their sins? -
Excellent
Very well written. I know mnay people who cn relate to this poem. I try on the other hand to be basically like a chameleon. I blend with the group I talk too. Like if I'm talking to preps then I go to their level so they can't talk down to me like most do. I also talk to many of the so called "losers", the ones who really have all the talent but nobody sees. In my old school I used to be one of those so called "losers" but then I moved to my Mom's and started at a whole new school. And plus it was my freshman year of highschool. I started over making myself more of a blend to be able to talk to any group. I'm pretty sure many of people out in the world are going to be able to relate to this poem, and you will get the thanks and gratitude. Wonderful job on this very well written, short poem.
~Megan* -
I have to say that i can relate to this poem when i really think about it. You have a wonderful poem here and much talent! i love the statement you are trying to deliever here too! Its done very well! If you look at yourself this way, totally change the way you think, cause i mean just because other people think they are better then you, you are better then them cause you want to know that your not going to let them get to you! And you shouldn't be letting them get to you! Good write, but change your meaning on yourself! Come and comment on my wrties...thanks!
*lyndsey* -
awesome
that's awesome...relates to my life and the lives of about 2/3 of my friends...thanks for sharing! -
this is wonderful and a statement more than a poem, you hit this one for a HOME RUN and it is a pleasure to see you vent your true feelings like this. the background really blends in well with your magical words too. bravo.
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Wow, it's something most of us can relate to. I'm sure once at a point in our lives, we've all been picked on. I know I use to be. But I've learned not to let anyone who teases me bother me anymore. You are who you are and you shouldn't let anyone bring you down because you are yourself. Great poem and keep up the good work.
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I was picked on by bippytards too. I hope you do not let them win. They are not better than you... Just remember that!
Tammy33
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i dont even know what to say about this, i love it, cant fault it at all. i love the mercedes benz comment, it gives the poem a very modern twist. makes it very real, because some poems like this can be so surreal they are hard to interpret.
Thanks for sharing
|heavensepitome|
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I read this before but I don't think I left a comment for some reason. I really do like this, I know what it is you have described. I not only experienced the being a 'loser' but watched my brother be teased and pushed down because of his own oddities.
Well written. I enjoyed reading it.
-Heather -
*bows*
wow wow. no loser writes this well!! great way to take a common topic and make it rock. i loved this. -
Looser you are not,and ugly far from. Money and ones "class" make them nothing more then a free-lance bank. No one wants them for anything other then their money. So let them froth in that pitiful exuse for a life. Good write but remember. CRUSH those richy bastards,they are nothing and never will be anythign except to people who need to have updates on others lives because they dont have one of their own.
-J.
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Loved it. Sadly I know how you feel.
~Acadia~ -
nice. the part i liked the most was \
"I'm left a bloody mess
that no one sees"
good job keep it up! -
oh wow that was soooo amazing, i havnt really been teased so i dont really know what it feels like but this gave so much insight, so much depth you did a wonderful job with showing your hate for both yourself and the other people with designer shoes, just awesome.
decipher -
I know so many people who can relate to this, me myself, I get along with most of the 'popular' people so they wouldn't do anything to me. Us losers, we're the ones who are way better people than them. They may seem all nice and stuff because they have so many friends, but since we have no friends we know what true friendships are like and how much it can mean just to have one really good friends. Anyways, If you ever wanna talk, feel free to IM me. Take care and keep up the good work!
-Burn -
Wow, this was very well said. I've felt like this before, it sucks when people can get to you in that way. I like your background on this page. Thanks for sharing your talent! Especially on something that people like to argue about. haha. You should check out my contest called "Obsessions" if you get some time. Keep up the awesome writing and venting. Take it easy now. :-)
<3,
Alison -
An interesting write here. I just see someone who wants what they can't have but don't like themselves because they're like that but others can't see the damage that this does. May be way off, but just what I see. Nice job. Paul
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AMAZING!!!
Holy crap!!!!!!!! This is fuckinng amazing!!!! I love it!!!...........lots and lots of detail......but yet again...very sad....whoa!!!!!!....keep it up....buhbye.......*much love, Rachel* *slowly dieing without your help, i reach for your hand and you pull it away* -
WOW the background shows the emotion you describe so well in the poem. This is heartwrenching and sad. It is beautifully written and deserves one more applause for a work well done. Thanks for sharing, keep it up.
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tragic
What a tragic poem! Beautifully written, as usual. The loathing, of self and of abuser, is evident. I think most of can relate to this, some more so.
The words reminded me strongly of lyrics by 'Beck', and to a lesser degree, Radiohead.
Excellent job. I'm so envious. Drat it!!
~jillbob -
This is really powerful, it hits so close to home, great job
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that was really awesome. i liked it a lot. you said a lot and i could relate to it. you write so fabulously, and always from a point of view that i can completely understand. thanks for yet another awesome piece.
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Woah, you really hit home with this. I just hate the way that those stuck up snobs in my school act..it just reminded me so much of them. Right now I'm in study hall..and one of them is about five feet from me, and all I can think is "this is just like her..."
Completely amazing job. Sometimes its hard to deal with all those people who seem to just wanna tear you down to make themselves higher. Stay strong though, cuz in the end..people like them loose. I loved the ending to this especially, it just really hits deep. Thanks for sharing, another great write!
~blessings~
~rora -
You shouldn't allow people to make you feel like this. Your better than that and you shouldn't listen to a single word that they say.
A very strong write -
When I read the title, I thought it was gonna be different than what I had just read, contently speaking. I like it, though. Not everyone who wears "name brand sneakers" is this way, though. I think even the people who don't can be the same way. Sure, it's easier for the "preps" to do it, but still. I don't like labeling or generalzing with terms like "preps, punks, rockers, etc." What's the point? We're all equal. Well, that's it, I guess. Thanks for sharing. Till next time.
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your poem really relates to the world aswell as a personal reality. The twist at the end is the truth, " i hate you, but not as much, as you hate me" its very important too to get this out and help you with what you have to deal with in your life, keep writing!
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i've deffly felt this way before... several times, as a matter of fact. it's stupid that ppl can treat eachother like this, and we call ourselves "civilized." *sigh*
excellent write, however. the emotion, the anger especially, is definitely felt here. -
wow--that was intense-- and real--sad and angry--it makes me feel your hate and anger and it upsets me that there really are people out there like this--- are we really so "evolved" as a civilization if we can justify things like this? anyway--great write and keep up the good work
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Familiar problem, mis-identified enemy
This reminds me a bit of the '82 Rush tune "Subdivisions" - and of course of the cuts I got - and we all get - in H.S. and college and wherever cliques gather... What I didn't like at all are the references to Marxian class envy - the "preppies" and "designer shoes" (kicks are kicks no matter who the thug delivering them or what he/she wears,) and the same with the reference to Mercedes-Benz - a large, multi-ton mechanism of metal on wheels will mess up your body equally if it hits you, whether it's made by MB or Volvo or Scion (the latter two being the ugliest vehicles on Earth, IMO, but I digress.)
But yeah, the worst damage you sustain is what you do to yourself, or more accurately, how deeply you allow those cuts to go. If you don't mind a helpful plug, the 1943 novel "The Fountainhead" was the first and only place I found an antidote to trashings by others, whether they were individuals or groups.
It really doesn't have to matter - but first you have to know "their" motives before you can defend yourself mentally. -
This is really powerful. Your words were perfect. It really is sad how much social status affects our lives. Everyone is so busy trying to out-do each other, they have forgotten humanity. I especially liked the ending to this poem. So true, how the pressure put upon you by society just creates a lack of confidence, and self loathing. It's depressing, this poem makes you think. Great write.
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HEY, no one can make you feel inferior except yourself, who cares what anyone has, if you have JESUS you will not care!!!!!!!!!!
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Touching.... Yeah, I'm one of those "in between-ers" in this kind of thing.. but I totally know what you're talking about.. People these days are all about their social status, and I'm against that.. but where to start?
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Muy bien
I like the last line...I am wondering...I've seen alot of the outcasts of society...their stories about their live...but I'm wondering if it would be interesting to see the emotional standpoint of one of the "preps" I'm in highschool and I've been on both ends of the scale. Serious. They eat each other alive in the cliques of today...I should write one...thx for the idea kid. -
We need to start thehealing process somewhere and if we cannot heal ourselves how can we expect to get to the next level of forgiveness...which is not the sam thing as gurading thememories...we can still forgive the person, but not the action that injured us. Nice write and beautifully coined for a difficult subject and theme.
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The chick in the background is kind of creepy...*shivers* This poem reminds me of school, and all the "social groups", great way to portray the evil that lurks in society...thanks for sharing and keep it up..
love you
-Stac- -
Wow...I really like this...Love the background....but this poem really hits me....I can seriously relate....thanks for sharing...keep writing....Luv Caz
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I love how you sometimes have a twist in the end of your poem. I think this says a lot of our society. The meanness in people's hearts to others and to themselves. Great job!
peace and love
Susan
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people can be so mean, especially if they have had everything handed to them on a silver platter all of their life, the do not understand what the meaning of the word "work" is. Just remember that no matter what, you are strong, and you are a better person than they are because you do not need to make others feel small to make yourself feel better.
Well done on a great write
Abbie XX 
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That last stanza says a great deal. No matter how badly someone treats you, no one can treat you as bad as yourself . I've beat myself up plenty of times for allowing someone to treat me poorly. Nice background too!
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YES EXACTLY
wow this is a great poem this has a lot of expression in it and i love it. goood job and keep up the good work my dear. -
in constant cycles of self withering .. teaching you to hate yourself for things they have that you cant ever posess ..
and will never be replaced. -
nice
Although I didn't interpret it as poetryality did, I share her opinion that this shows great emotions in few lines. It's very powerful, and the images of the tormentor are broad but vivid.
Nice job.
Elizabeth -
I know the feeling.. always the outcast.. and the center of there jokes.. HIGH SCHOOL SUCKS! great write.. contains great feelings... awesome write... **claps hands**
Sam
Now I want to go read more of your work! -
this poem left me feeling so sad, you are you a wonderful beautiful soul encaptured within a body, and that is what is important, not what designers you have on your back or the car you drive, but you...pure you.... but i know what you mean, its so easy to buy into this society or to feel left out if our face just doesnt fit............. well done a really great write
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This is a sad prtrayal of how we let others bring up down... rise up.. stand tall Great write
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Whisper, another great write..The picture just adds to it too..I agree with poetry about the rich get richer syndrome..We will never know why society thinks of people in this way..The rich are better is some eyes, but in mine and yours..All we need is our family... The richy rich people can shove it...LOL I loved the poem..It speaks for itself..Your flow is great and it turned out with so much emotion..Wonderful..Thank you for sharing...
Bambie -
WOW. I can so relate to this poem. I have one just like this but different its called High School Hell. You should cheek it out and tell me what you think about it. But Great job on your poem I really enjoyed reading it. ~~Heather~~
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This is a wonderful, meaninful write. It speaks of a horrible aspect of society that no one can seem to get away from. I live in a small town, and it's even bad here, although I'd imagine it's not as bad as in larger cities and the like. This is really an excellent write, I hope you can continue to write in happier circumstances. Muchas amor, Mandy
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This poem speaks of a society that can't see past it's own snooty nose. The "rich get richer" syndrome. Allowing the poorer masses to die because they have not. This is sad and makes a hellish comentary on what this world tends to usher into existence. Great emotions written with few lines. I do hope all is well with you. Great featured poem!
Renee
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