red cheeks and noses
clouds of breath are in the air
crystals cover ground
melting into
dew kisses on grass
pastels are rediscovered
flower beds awaken
drizzling into
coals under my feet
kaleidoscope neighborhood
lazy days under the sun
burning into
leaves blowing gently
lovers strolling hand in hand
through golden filled parks
Author notes
Gold in UnhookTheStars' contest allpoetry.com/Contest/589463
Written April 21st, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Most Trophy Winners or Most People on Favorites Come! by Joe Spencer.
300 points, ended June 23, 2004, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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I am not very versed
on much more than the basics for Haiku so I am not much of a judge on this and I apologize for not being able to give it a proper critique as I am sure it is an excellent piece
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I really enjoyed the style you went with ~ regarding this write! Your words are perfectly place together!
Thanks for entering my seasson contest ~ good luck to you~
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Unfortunately for you, I cannot accept this as an entry in my contest. I specifically said NO HAIKUS because I simply cannot stand them. Sorry.
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uuuh
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I counted the syllables, it looked as if you were keeping it in teh 5-7-5, and if so, these two lines that would be "5" are not, this one is 6:
"flower beds awaken"
and this one is 7:
"lazy days under the sun"
I doubt you'll change them to "5" as I feel would be prudent in the form you used since you placed 1st apparently in a Contest with this. But, still, if you're trying to keep to a particular count then I would suggest doing so.
Anyway, I felt it was a pretty good series-haiku, with the two words hooking the next haiku to the one before it.
A lovely piece that you have written here.
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I really like how you’ve strung these four haikus together with the intermittent lines. great segue way to go from one season to the next, and the transition lines are each so relevant to how the times of year meld into each other.
Each haiku is outstanding in capturing its time of year with vivid imagery. you make me see and feel each season with visuals and thoughts I myself associate with them.
I don’t see how this could be any better. trophy worthy writing for sure!
~travis
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awesome
In your author's comments, please change the figure of 62 into 63! This is fantastic imagery, and a great rythm. Thanks so much for featuring it, so that oblivious souls like me could know....
A fan,
Saurabh. -
I was intriguied by the title. This is a really interesting poem, showing all the classic images of the seasons
'dew kisses on grass
pastels are rediscovered
flower beds awaken' - this is my favorite verse, it's so original and beautiful.
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This was very creative, stimulating and pleasing in its content and imagery. A real plreasure to read. Everything seemed to fit and flow so well. Thank you for sharing it.
Edited on Jun 09, 5:53 p.m. because ''. -
nice, nice use of perfered membership too..lol very expressive of the season, made me wanna run outside... i would too if it wasn't so cold....................................................................
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What now could happen...
Wow that is a kool poem..i like how the words flow into each other and you werent struggling to fit your words in. Very good work. -
This is very inventive, and visually stimulating. Rather a pleasant read. I think the first one was my favorite. Fabulous. Congrats on the gold too
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very unique...haven't seen haiku like this before with the connecting phrases...ingenious. congrats on the gold.
~liz -
aww this was just lovely. i'm not usually very much into nature-type poems, but this was really sweet and enjoyable. good job!
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hunny this is so well done. never could i think of someothing so perfect. you are wonderful. never put the pen down
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BEAUTIFUL
Lovely lovely lovely...I just love this it is beautiful full of images and sounds and beauty of all seasons. I is truly an amazing piece. I commend you on this I am awed at the beauty of skill, keep up the great work, thanks for sharing. -
Good poem
Wow! That's sooo good! You could almost feel the seasons change. Awesome job on this poem. -
wonderful poem
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Congratulations to you on winning the gold. A well deserving win. Your haiku was very beautiful to read. Keeo up the great work and never stop writing.
May the colours of the rainbow follow you always.
Smiles always,
Kristina
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Congratulations on the gold!!! You deserved it I love these haiku's and the wonderful way you linked them together. Again...a gorgeous write. Best of wishes...~geniealssie~
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Congrats on the gold very well deserved Keep up the good work
Janine -
wow...this was really good, congrats on the contest mate, you deserved it!
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perfection
did someone call me OHHH you said "flippin" n/m
i loved how the poem was built together as a whole
i loved how it blended naturally into a seasonal story of love and vivid descriptions.I havent read haikus as good as this in well ..ok so i havent read any haikus as good as this.
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Delicate and gorgeous, I adore how you melded each season with the one that followed. I have seen quite a few haiku strings before, but none quite so enchanting as this one. While each does evoke its own imagery, you don't make it blatant...you force the reader to visualize how things are and what season they're in, and I find that to be very cool. I especially love how it all culminated in autumn. I don't have it easy trying to write about the autumnal months!
Well done!
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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This is a marvelous write on the seasons! You have captured them and described them very well (to the limits of the haiku) WOw, i dont think ive seen one like this in a while! Very unique style! Great write, keep up the good work! - And good luck in winning this contest!!
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wow! well done! i love it! its so pretty! its really good! i love the way you linked the haiku's together! very clever!! good luck in the contest! well done! ~lulu~
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Aa gorgeous hhaiku string and I love the one line linkagee as well. Beautiful write and best of wishes as well...~genielassie~
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ooooo never thought to do a segue into another haiku like that...I may have to 'borrow' that idea...I'll give you credit though
Awesome job, the imagery is perfect! I would like to see a freezing into (or something along those lines) but I don't know how you would incorporate that without it being weird....oh well. Yes this is one of your best haiku's yet! Good luck sweetie (though you don't need it!)
peace and love
Susan
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i like how you go from winter to spring to summer and eventually fall. thanks for entering and good luck.
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You know, this has to be your best one I have read up to now. Not that the others weren't good, but this was beautifully done. You're getting really good at these. Keep up the good work.
Natalia -
This is flippin' excellent! VERY nicely done...the imagery is perfect - love how each segues into the next...the transitions are so smooth. This is just absolutely beautiful. I take it you were going with non-traditional in spring and summer. Good luck in the contest this is definitely a winner!!!
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