I belong to a place
A diffrent world, another race
I'm special but they are wrong
I'm a freak that doesn't belong
My dreams i try to chase
The people I can't face
Judge by shape
Resembled to an ape
I'm the only deformity
In my perfect society
Crushed by its members
Sets my soul with embers
Doomed mentally
Defeated physically
Consumed morally
Lost ethically
Could this be real
Is this All I feel
There is a mistake
This image must be fake
Wishful thinking
Hateful sinking
Blood streaming
Nightmare dreaming
A twin bearing
One emerging
Brother killing
child hating
Father dieing
Mama caring
Only....
Mama caring...
For Her i live
completely restrictive
If only i can break the tie
Release my self and just die...
But mama will cry
Mama will cry
I cannot die
I just.... can not Die....
Author notes
re-Written
July 26, 2008
I fixed the ryming i changed alot about it you can still see some of the old lines but almost changed it all ...
well hope you like what i did with it
bellow is what i wrote on my poem in April 2004 when i first joined AP
"this is my first poem so.......have mercy.....
thanx to Nour i edited the poem but about the riming thingy its just that i have no idea how to fix it thanx alot Nour"
Written April 20th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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thanks
thanx nour i realy am happy for your comment and no you weren't harsh i need this kind of comments or i would never ever be better and i didn't notice that your reading my poems
thanx for reading them and thanx for the comment i love it -
Thou asked for mercy and thou shall get what thou asked for..
You did a good job.. but you need to do some revisions.. I know it's kind of late but I just got here dude!!
I belong in a place (first line) -- I belong to a place not in a place.. you belong to something not in something..
Just wish you could hide in an invisibility cape -- hide under or inside.. you don't hide in something, but beneath, under, behind, anything but IN!
One more thing I don't get.. You first start with no rhyming scheme and you end up with one.. what about that?
I guess that's it.. I hope I wasn't too harsh on you.. I'm just a rough critique sometimes..
But hey.. don't let my words discourage you! you did a great job, I loved the way the last lines felt.. about you not wanting to die cause your mother will shed tears.. I think that was the best line.. not to mention the way you described our PERFECT SOCIETY.. I know what it's like to be rejected for not being able to fit into all those people who show off with their mobile phones and their cars and their i donno what.. you know what Beirut is like I needn't tell you
Well I guess that's it..
You get my first applause of the day..
Nour-
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You will always belong in my heart
xXx
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B.E.A.utiful
first poem eh... well, *cracks knuckles* i think its absolutley WONDERFUL! for a first poem its amazing! my 1st poem sucked
lol, (its not posted on AP btw, so u cant argue with me HAAH!) i thort id read you older work, u no y? no? nor do i! lol....
anyway, i really enjoyed this poem, and it truly is beautiful *sniffs* and i hope u dont/didnt feel like that! you can always belong in my happy blonde world of candy if you wish
Keep writing my little flying horse
xXx
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hehe i need 5 points to applaud...
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awww this made me cry
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i hope you have another way..
but you don't understand i realy don't want to edit it or del it and i don't have any thing to enter (in your contest)....
so i guess i'm stuck huh???......oh well .....i have to say one more time that your poems are realy realy realy goooooood i mean there perfect wooow .... keep up the good work (promise)
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hi pegasus, I really dont know what to do with this poem, but I have two ideas.. either you edit this poem and make it the one you wishto ente rin my contest.. and other options is that delete this poem.. 3rd option is enter another poem in my contest..
thanks for the comment 
Lonely~
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hii..wazzup..cool poem and nice start...thnks for ur comment on my writngs..urs are also awesome...it is blast concerning mom's issues although i oppose my family's rules and work outs..anyway later..thnks for ur comment and gr8 poem..
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a+
the people that don't accept you dont care about you.... to hell with them. -
Your mom's heart is where you belong. If someone is capable of giving love without judging you with the standards of this conditioned society in mind then that in my yes is worth more than any hallucination this ignorant world can come up with. People have standards which they apply everywhere and use as a reference, but only few have pondered the level of meaningfulness and truth they contain. Those that actually did quite often disagree with the non-sense the standards represent. It is perhaps hidden somewhere in the words of this poem why your mom desperately longs to give you a place to belong. Thank you & take care,
Rage
Edited on Apr 23, 3:29 p.m. because 'typo'. -
LOL at her, but yea I really liked this poem, and that guys is sooo wrong about being accepted, if you look funny at all in my town no one will like you, i know a few peple who stay in there house all the time, just cause of the other kids, i really like this poem alot, it really hits ya at the end...
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Work of Art
A sad defeatist poem, brought tears to my eyes. Do not judge all humanity on a few morons. Stand up straight and tall and you will be accepted. Well done though, I think it's a very worthy poem. Luv Niky x
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