Fifty foot
dead branch tree
caresses the last
winter-seduced
yellow leaves,
afraid of
the dreams
within the
beautiful bulbs
dropping to the ground,
before God reaches
out to save them.
Author notes
30 words; 20 minutes.
Prompt : It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.
Henry David Thoreau
every day, I walk to class and I see this tree with leaves at the top. i always wonder if the tree is trying to reach God.
In a list
A contest entry
- QUICKIE FOR 8 by Starz of Heaven.
525 points, ended November 26, 2009, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you dislike, so I can edit.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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congrats on the bronze
i feel it was well deserved i mean wow this piece is powerful and the way you wrote it was perfect; dont change a thing :] -
Okay, so I read your journal requesting that we not give you three applause unless you deserve it. That you would really appreciate a good critique. So I clicked this poem fully ready to give you some friendly advice and no applause. I can't do that. This is way good. Way better than bronze.
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aw thanks for reading, both the journal and this : )
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abs. stunning
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To be honest - I honestly do think this is one of your best writes as of late. I loved the way you described the tree branches. They seemed.. like dead like you explained yet lively. I loved the way you described winter seduced leaves. It made it so much more meaningful. The length was perfect. And I always love poetry with a reference to god.
I can also see how this would reflect on one's life as well. Wanting to reach a dream or a goal, or anything in general. So I liked that I could relate personal issues to this piece.
I am glad to see you win something for this. I do feel that this should've won gold. Because it was just perfect, in my eyes.
Bravo.
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thank you for the thoughtful comment
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I LOVE IT.
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This is beautiful
I could almost touch the blub .
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A beautiful piece.
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I LOVE THIS !
I often wonder the same thing thanks for taking the time to enter my contest best to you always be well. -
great to relate to something we see. good write.
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Wonderful
Very well expressed. So very creative. Best of luck in the contest
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yea i love this . the whole entire thing
id applaud you but i have no points
title. hmmmm?
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Loved this. I would help you with the title, but I'm shit with titles on the best of days so when I'm tired I really can't think.
Anyway, this kicked my entry's ass.
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